Teen Titans are recruiting! SO RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!
DC has released the advanced solicitations for some of their titles, and it’s mostly same-old, same-old, except for Teen Titans #66 which might be interesting, plain bad or something to worry about… depending on how much you like the characters on the cover and how convinced you are Teen Titans is the place where happiness goes to die.
TEEN TITANS #66
Written by Sean McKeever
Art and cover by Eddy Barrows & Ruy Jose
Teen guest stars galore! With only four members left, it's time for the Teen Titans to hold a recruitment drive! Who will make the cut, and who will be sent packing? Who will refuse to even show up, and who will bring a boatload of trouble with them?
On sale December 31 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US
The whole ‘recruitment drive’ story has been done before, most recently in Birds of Prey. It’s a type of story where readers get baited by DC dangling their favorite B or C list hero in front of their faces with the promise of maaaaaaybe putting them in the team, but that usually never happens and it’s all a load of bull-ass. Heck, in the Birds of Prey issue some of the gals on the cover only got one lousy panel in the book. One lousy panel! Still, the bait picked for Teen Titans is surely interesting.
Let’s have a look!
1. Supergirl: Been there, done that! She left because Wondergirl kicked her out of the team. Cassie thought she was hanging out with Supergirl only to replace Superboy in her life. Sadly, it’s not anywhere near as femlashy or interesting as I am making it sound. As you have guessed, Supergirl got kicked out of a team for reasons that have nothing to do with her skills as a superhero or anything that actually might make some modicum amount of goddamn sense. So why would she go back? Maybe she finally figured out Cassie is not the leader of anything and has no right to kick anyone out of any team.
Oh well, Supergirl is going to have a bigger role in the Super books in the near future, or at least that’s the current idea. Since DC is trying to push her into the spotlight, it is possible they might want to put her in Teen Titans too. It is also possible they might think she is now the sole property of the Super-books and leave her there. I can see her story in this issue going two ways. “After what Cassie did to me, they want me to help them? Screw’em!” and that’s her one panel appearance in the book. Or! Supergirl shows up, helps out and forgives Cassie and stays in the book.
Chances of joining Titans: 50%
Notice please that the number there was not entirely pulled out of my ass, but was calculated by the astonishing Shampoo-Arrow-Computer, the most advanced piece of hardware and software I could buy with my allowance from the Tandy Whiz Kids. Envy my superior 24 colors screen graphics and my CD-ROM! It came with MYST. Do you remember MYST? Well, I don’t have to remember it because I am playing it right now!
2. Spoiler: Adding Spoiler to the team would bring some very, very interesting dynamics to the Teen Titans. For instance, Robin and Wondergirl’s inept romance would suddenly become interesting and not just gut-punching painful to watch. Just imagine poor Steph catching them in the middle of one of their “should we or shouldn’t rub peepees?” routines.
But alas! Steph has one major problem; crime-fighting-wise she is really, really boring and not very useful. Her entire shtick is that she fights… sort of okay. That’s it. She is nice when she is hanging around Robin, but she doesn’t have much going on in her favor if she ever wanted to go solo. I know robin doesn’t have any powers, but he at least has ninja skills and he is the smart one of almost any team he wishes to join. Steph is not bringing anything to the team by the way of powers.
Chances of joining Titans: 0%
3. Bombshell: Bombshell? Yeah, she was one of the many, many Titans Johns made up and never bothered to flesh out. All we know about her is that she betrayed the Titans and that makes me wonder just why the hell she is on that cover?
Oh poopie… please tell me I won’t have to read through another redemption story. Of all the characters on the cover, Bombshell is the most boring one, so I guess that means she will probably be the one they pick to stay… despite that she betrayed them and attacked them. Really, that happens all the time.
Chances of joining Titans: 90%
4. Traci 13: Traci is adorable and funny so I have no clue why she is even in the same continent as the Teen Titans. Making her join the team would at least give Blue Beetle someone to talk to. She and Jaime can bring their great banter! The team doesn’t have a magician, so she would fill a niche there. She joining Titans actually makes sense, so that’s why it’s not going to happen at all.
Chances of joining Titans: 20%
5. The Ray: Already a member of the Freedom Fighters, and I think nobody really cares much about him these days. Maybe McKeever really liked him in the 90s and wants to write him now. Maybe they picked names out of a hat, who knows?
Chances of joining Titans: I dunno!%
6. Shining Knight: Morrison character, which means only Morrison knows what to do with them. She’ll probably get one panel in the whole story and that’s it, like Bulleteer got in the Birds of Prey issue. It’s a shame nobody else knows how to write a female, cross-dressing, antediluvian, time traveling Arthurian knight and her sassy talking horse sidekick. What kind of world is this?
Chances of joining Titans: 0%
7. Klarion: Yeah, they were really pulling names out of a hat. Klarion is not a superhero; he is more an amoral adventurer who tends to get in trouble and then get out of trouble by going on murderous rampages on his merry way to the next adventure. Not Teen Titans material when you think about it. Of all the Morrison Seven Soldiers, Klarion was one of the most interesting but his nature makes him impossible to use in most DC books. He is not a villain, but you can’t use him as a superhero either. It’s a shame.
Chances of joining Titans: 0%
8. Speedy: She was sexually abused by her father, she was a teenage prostitute and she is infected with the HIV virus. Why would Teen Titans want her if her life can’t get worse? As a challenge? Are the Titans going to suck whatever happiness remains just to prove they can? Adding her would be interesting because she makes the other character’s petty and small problems so much smaller compared to her problems.
Kid Devil - “Waaaaaaah! Nobody loves me! Rose doesn’t want to get naked in front of me anymore!”
Speedy - “My dad raped me.”
Kid Devil - “WHO ASKED YOU?!?... showoff bitch”
Chances of joining Titans: 20%
9. Misfit: Poor, poor Misfit. Too peppy to join the Misery Squad. I don’t see it happening, she doesn’t fit. Besides, she already has stuff to do with the Birds of Prey.
Chances of joining Titans: 10%
Thoughts? Wagers?
TEEN TITANS #66
Written by Sean McKeever
Art and cover by Eddy Barrows & Ruy Jose
Teen guest stars galore! With only four members left, it's time for the Teen Titans to hold a recruitment drive! Who will make the cut, and who will be sent packing? Who will refuse to even show up, and who will bring a boatload of trouble with them?
On sale December 31 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US
The whole ‘recruitment drive’ story has been done before, most recently in Birds of Prey. It’s a type of story where readers get baited by DC dangling their favorite B or C list hero in front of their faces with the promise of maaaaaaybe putting them in the team, but that usually never happens and it’s all a load of bull-ass. Heck, in the Birds of Prey issue some of the gals on the cover only got one lousy panel in the book. One lousy panel! Still, the bait picked for Teen Titans is surely interesting.
Let’s have a look!
1. Supergirl: Been there, done that! She left because Wondergirl kicked her out of the team. Cassie thought she was hanging out with Supergirl only to replace Superboy in her life. Sadly, it’s not anywhere near as femlashy or interesting as I am making it sound. As you have guessed, Supergirl got kicked out of a team for reasons that have nothing to do with her skills as a superhero or anything that actually might make some modicum amount of goddamn sense. So why would she go back? Maybe she finally figured out Cassie is not the leader of anything and has no right to kick anyone out of any team.
Oh well, Supergirl is going to have a bigger role in the Super books in the near future, or at least that’s the current idea. Since DC is trying to push her into the spotlight, it is possible they might want to put her in Teen Titans too. It is also possible they might think she is now the sole property of the Super-books and leave her there. I can see her story in this issue going two ways. “After what Cassie did to me, they want me to help them? Screw’em!” and that’s her one panel appearance in the book. Or! Supergirl shows up, helps out and forgives Cassie and stays in the book.
Chances of joining Titans: 50%
Notice please that the number there was not entirely pulled out of my ass, but was calculated by the astonishing Shampoo-Arrow-Computer, the most advanced piece of hardware and software I could buy with my allowance from the Tandy Whiz Kids. Envy my superior 24 colors screen graphics and my CD-ROM! It came with MYST. Do you remember MYST? Well, I don’t have to remember it because I am playing it right now!
2. Spoiler: Adding Spoiler to the team would bring some very, very interesting dynamics to the Teen Titans. For instance, Robin and Wondergirl’s inept romance would suddenly become interesting and not just gut-punching painful to watch. Just imagine poor Steph catching them in the middle of one of their “should we or shouldn’t rub peepees?” routines.
But alas! Steph has one major problem; crime-fighting-wise she is really, really boring and not very useful. Her entire shtick is that she fights… sort of okay. That’s it. She is nice when she is hanging around Robin, but she doesn’t have much going on in her favor if she ever wanted to go solo. I know robin doesn’t have any powers, but he at least has ninja skills and he is the smart one of almost any team he wishes to join. Steph is not bringing anything to the team by the way of powers.
Chances of joining Titans: 0%
3. Bombshell: Bombshell? Yeah, she was one of the many, many Titans Johns made up and never bothered to flesh out. All we know about her is that she betrayed the Titans and that makes me wonder just why the hell she is on that cover?
Oh poopie… please tell me I won’t have to read through another redemption story. Of all the characters on the cover, Bombshell is the most boring one, so I guess that means she will probably be the one they pick to stay… despite that she betrayed them and attacked them. Really, that happens all the time.
Chances of joining Titans: 90%
4. Traci 13: Traci is adorable and funny so I have no clue why she is even in the same continent as the Teen Titans. Making her join the team would at least give Blue Beetle someone to talk to. She and Jaime can bring their great banter! The team doesn’t have a magician, so she would fill a niche there. She joining Titans actually makes sense, so that’s why it’s not going to happen at all.
Chances of joining Titans: 20%
5. The Ray: Already a member of the Freedom Fighters, and I think nobody really cares much about him these days. Maybe McKeever really liked him in the 90s and wants to write him now. Maybe they picked names out of a hat, who knows?
Chances of joining Titans: I dunno!%
6. Shining Knight: Morrison character, which means only Morrison knows what to do with them. She’ll probably get one panel in the whole story and that’s it, like Bulleteer got in the Birds of Prey issue. It’s a shame nobody else knows how to write a female, cross-dressing, antediluvian, time traveling Arthurian knight and her sassy talking horse sidekick. What kind of world is this?
Chances of joining Titans: 0%
7. Klarion: Yeah, they were really pulling names out of a hat. Klarion is not a superhero; he is more an amoral adventurer who tends to get in trouble and then get out of trouble by going on murderous rampages on his merry way to the next adventure. Not Teen Titans material when you think about it. Of all the Morrison Seven Soldiers, Klarion was one of the most interesting but his nature makes him impossible to use in most DC books. He is not a villain, but you can’t use him as a superhero either. It’s a shame.
Chances of joining Titans: 0%
8. Speedy: She was sexually abused by her father, she was a teenage prostitute and she is infected with the HIV virus. Why would Teen Titans want her if her life can’t get worse? As a challenge? Are the Titans going to suck whatever happiness remains just to prove they can? Adding her would be interesting because she makes the other character’s petty and small problems so much smaller compared to her problems.
Kid Devil - “Waaaaaaah! Nobody loves me! Rose doesn’t want to get naked in front of me anymore!”
Speedy - “My dad raped me.”
Kid Devil - “WHO ASKED YOU?!?... showoff bitch”
Chances of joining Titans: 20%
9. Misfit: Poor, poor Misfit. Too peppy to join the Misery Squad. I don’t see it happening, she doesn’t fit. Besides, she already has stuff to do with the Birds of Prey.
Chances of joining Titans: 10%
Thoughts? Wagers?