Let's check out DC's comics for May!
Solicitations just came out today, and I have nothing better to do, so let's check 'em out! Warning, though! Lots of pictures after the cut.
FINAL CRISIS #1
Witness the historic start of the final chapter in the Crisis trilogy that could only spring from the mind of Grant Morrison - Final Crisis, featuring stunning art by J.G. Jones (52 Covers)! Worlds will live and heroes will die in this epic tale spanning the beginning and end of the DC Universe!
Oh, DC... why why why why why? Look, DC, I am actually looking forward to this. I really liked Morrison's last mega event, DC One Million, and I really loved Seven Soldiers, which sorta continues into this in some way from what I hear. But what is this "Heroes will die!" toss? What's that all about?
"Hey! The characters you love are so gonna fucking die! Come and see!" Is this your new business, DC? Snuff porn? Is Blue Beetle going to team up with Nicholas Cage and fight Machine in the next issue? I know that characters dying in big events is something that happens, but if you think that's the big selling point, then as far as I am concerned, you are wrong.
FINAL CRISIS: SKETCHBOOK
Take a behind-the-scenes look at the process of creating Final Crisis! Featuring sketches and character designs by J.G. Jones and script notes and designs by Grant Morrison, this special issue will give readers a sneak preview of what to expect in Final Crisis.
I know this is just DC milking the cow and robbing my money, but I like to read Morrison's notes. So... darn you DC for knowing my weaknesses.
THE WAR THAT TIME FORGOT #1
YES!
Written by Bruce Jones
NOOOOOO!
TEEN TITANS: YEAR ONE #5
One of the things I really like about Teen titans Year One is the way they draw young Donna. She actually has the body of a young teenage girl, instead of the body of a midget super-model that a bunch of artists go for, or the body of a ten year old BOY like Byrne does.
DC SPECIAL: RAVEN #3
I am not entirely sure I like or hate Damion Scott's art. It baffles me.
DETECTIVE COMICS #844
Batman and Zatanna struggle against the combined threat of Scarface and the new Ventriloquist as the villains attempt to take out an entire Gotham crime family. Plus, more on the origin of the Ventriloquist!
Oh, Paul, Paul, Paul... Mr. Dini, we know you like Zatanna a lot. A few years ago we all found that kinda cute in a geeky way. Then you married an Italian-American stage magician and now she is appearing in almost half your issues of Detective Comics. It's getting kinda creepy geeky now.
ROBIN #174
By the end of the night, casualties will be counted and the ultimate mystery of Spoiler's true identity will finally be solved!
If she isn't Steph, this is going to suck soooooooooo much.
ALL STAR SUPERMAN #11
Clark, your ethics as a reporter kinda suck.
BLUE BEETLE #27
Hold me closer, tiny demon! Blue Beetle and Traci 13 are just trying to have a normal date, but when that old black magic kicks up, there can't be anything normal about it!
I wonder if they are ever going to touch the fact that Traci 13 is also dating ANTHRO!!
BIRDS OF PREY #118
Misfit and Black Alice are kidnapped by denizens of the mysterious Dark Side Club…only to be find out they may have a deeper connection - just as they must battle each other for survival!
This is all my fault. Back in November I exposed poor gullible Misfit to the seducing words of Darkseid. Yes, it is all my fault for posting that Chick Track thing.
Tsk, tsk, tsk tsk. Poor, poor Misfit. She probably entered weird chatrooms and talked to creepy strangers who promised to open the doors of Darkseid's cult for her. Why Oracle didn't have NetNanny? Why? Because Oracle likes her porn hardcore and dirty, that's why.
And to make things worse, she is apparently going to fight the girl who can channel the power of the freaking SPECTRE. This means Misfit will die in some retarded, but ironic fashion somehow involving the sins she has committed.
Misfit, we hardly knew ya, but we'll miss you.
GREEN LANTERN CORPS #24
Is there a huge lack of fabric in Arisia's planet? Or she is just a big slut? If I were Arisia's dad, I would walk up to her and yell "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING! YOU LOOK LIKE A WHORE! A WHORE!" and then Arisia would yell back "It's my life, daddy! It's my life! Don't judge me! You are always judging, that's why mom left you!" And then I would have to slap her face and send her to her room "Don't talk about your mom like that!". I don't condone hitting children, I just condone Arisia's dad slapping Arisia, cause she is a big slut. Really, I can't figure out how her breasts don't escape their flimsy prison there.
Also, wasn't Arisia around my age? Is everyone "developing" except me? I remember when Superboy had a bigger chest than Wondergirl, and now BAM! big ones. What the hell, Puberty? WHAT THE HELL? Who do I have to call to complain?
THE FLASH #240
Primate fear! Estranged from Jay Garrick, The Flash is brutally double-teamed by the return of the one foe able to outdo Spin's psychic rampage with one of his own - Grodd!
Well, at least one talking Gorilla is alive... but I preferred the gay French one.
COUNTDOWN PRESENTS: THE SEARCH FOR RAY PALMER TP
Starring Donna's two boobs! Called Kyle and Jason... heh heh heh. no, but seriously, what have I ever done to you, Puberty?
SUPER FRIENDS #3
I have no interest in reading this, but I love the cover.
Speaking of which.
CARTOON NETWORK BLOCK PARTY #45
Awesome hypnotic cover. No clue what the heck that is, but I like it.
THE LOST BOYS: REIGN OF FROGS #1
Before Buffy…before Blade…there was one name that was whispered in fear and awe among the undead: The Frog Brothers. Edgar and Alan Frog, the no-nonsense vampire slayers from the cult film The Lost Boys.
DC sometimes baffles me. It's been more than twenty years since this movie came out, and I haven't seen much people interested in the further adventures of the Frog brothers.
HOUSE OF MYSTERY #1
HOUSE OF MYSTERY focuses on five characters trapped in a supernatural bar, trying to solve the mystery of how and why they're imprisoned there. Each one has a terrible past they'd like to forget, and with no books, newspapers or TV allowed in the House, they face an eternity of boredom. But stories become the new currency, and fortunately, the House attracts only the finest storytellers.
"This is a book where you can have a pirate, a psychic detective, a spaceman, a French romantic poet and an NYU film student sitting at a table having a beer together. It's a writer's dream come true."
I know a lot of people don't like Willingham for his awful run in Robin, but this seems right up his alley.
Tomorrow I might do a run of Marvel's solicitations.