300: the film
So I'm watching the film 300. I've taken the precaution of reading up on the wikipedia entries for the battle of Thermopylae, Sparta, King Leonidas and the agoge. Naively I believed that all of the stupid things in the film would be identifiable only after reading these articles. My issues with 300:
-the colour palette - seriously what? I'm pretty sure that Greece has colours other than old gold, white and black
-the wolf. Um, they are actual animals and so you kinda don't need to CGI them. Why are its eyes glowing? And what's wrong with its ears?
-the speeches. So much for laconic
-the way that Persian horse snorted when it stopped. That is the equine equivalent of going for a run, then suddenly accusing a duck of sleeping with your girlfriend. The horse is clearly dangerously insane.
-the shouting. I think the Persian guy can hear you.
-the throwing of dead bodies into a well
-the reference to boy loving Athenians
-the ridiculously complicated swords. Wow, their smiths must be good
-'Madness? THIS IS SPARTA'
-the short hair - don't get me wrong, I'm grateful but my appreciation of very built, short haired men is at war with my irritation at historical inaccuracy. Besides, that pigtail is truly appalling.
-the ephors. Why do they look like that and why are they living up a mountain?
-the gratuitous nipple shots. I guess I'm really not the target audience for this film
-the oracles living with the ephors?
-the lack of clothes - it's nice but it looks kind of silly.
-why are they walking on their crops? Now they have no water and no food.
-the lack of muscles on the blacksmith. I know it's a small thing but I'm easily annoyed
-'Whoo' is not a profession
I've made it half an hour through and I think I've lost the will to live. I'm definitely getting the feeling that I won't be able to list the number of inaccuracies and sheer nobody would ever do that moments that are going to be present in the rest of the film. For the sake of my blood pressure, then, I'm going to stop watching and try to forget that this had the 24th largest opening in box office history.
-the colour palette - seriously what? I'm pretty sure that Greece has colours other than old gold, white and black
-the wolf. Um, they are actual animals and so you kinda don't need to CGI them. Why are its eyes glowing? And what's wrong with its ears?
-the speeches. So much for laconic
-the way that Persian horse snorted when it stopped. That is the equine equivalent of going for a run, then suddenly accusing a duck of sleeping with your girlfriend. The horse is clearly dangerously insane.
-the shouting. I think the Persian guy can hear you.
-the throwing of dead bodies into a well
-the reference to boy loving Athenians
-the ridiculously complicated swords. Wow, their smiths must be good
-'Madness? THIS IS SPARTA'
-the short hair - don't get me wrong, I'm grateful but my appreciation of very built, short haired men is at war with my irritation at historical inaccuracy. Besides, that pigtail is truly appalling.
-the ephors. Why do they look like that and why are they living up a mountain?
-the gratuitous nipple shots. I guess I'm really not the target audience for this film
-the oracles living with the ephors?
-the lack of clothes - it's nice but it looks kind of silly.
-why are they walking on their crops? Now they have no water and no food.
-the lack of muscles on the blacksmith. I know it's a small thing but I'm easily annoyed
-'Whoo' is not a profession
I've made it half an hour through and I think I've lost the will to live. I'm definitely getting the feeling that I won't be able to list the number of inaccuracies and sheer nobody would ever do that moments that are going to be present in the rest of the film. For the sake of my blood pressure, then, I'm going to stop watching and try to forget that this had the 24th largest opening in box office history.