A letter to Shrublet
The following letter was sent to G.W. Bush. From the looks of things, he's been ignoring it.
June, 2005
Dear President Shrublet,
After the last few amusing encounters I’ve experienced with your TSA Nazis in various airports I’ve decided to write to explain some concerns I have.
First. The excellent middle-eastern adventure that you and Rummy have managed to cook up would crack me up if folks weren’t getting killed over it. You are managing to take a lot of lives and ruin some more if you want to consider what is happening to many of the soldiers who have been sent over there to neutralize those WMDs and Al Qaeda links which were proven to exist. They would have been money ahead to play hooky and prepare themselves for Commander in Chiefdom the way you did. Face the fact. If Shrub the Elder had been a man a couple of administrations ago, rather than an abject pussyfart, Saddam would have been forcibly retired during Desert Storm. It was extremely statesmanlike the way good old dad left the Kurds holding the bag while he and his stooges declared that Saddam was a “stabilizing influence” in the area.
Second, your Airport Security Police. Obviously, they are a bunch of retards who are ashamed of their jobs. If not, why do their name tags only show their first name? No badge number or surname. These guys do crack me up, they want to check everybody’s shoes but find that a pen or a couple of wine bottles present lesser hazards than a pair of fingernail clippers or book of matches. I usually have to have my balls searched because my pants have a metal zipper. Since when has having a zipper been prima facie evidence of terrorist intent? Since when are shoes an object of suspicion? Now, lighters and matches are considered to be weapons. I had thought that we were not to be deprived of property without due process of law and that the government was constituted to protect us against unreasonable searches. I find it unreasonable that my wife is searched because the heels of her boots are “too thick”. I had thought that your “Patriot Act” was designed to “lock us down” against the entry of terrorists. Time has shown that it doesn’t even stop Mexicans from entering whenever they wish to do so.
Third. The library card caper. I was also operating under the apparently mistaken impression that Freedom of The Press applied to readers. Apparently, it applies only to publishers. It appears though, that the Thought Police have missed their big opportunity. Blockbuster checks out movies through a computer-based system. Since the educational “system” in the U.S. seems to be unable to teach Johnnie to read, you should also consider and record what he watches. Why not require Blockbuster to transmit lists of viewing data for everyone to whom they rent movies? I’m sure that you could find some “public servants” who would be more than willing to dedicate their lives, fortunes, and sacred honor to reviewing and cataloging viewer tastes.
Fourth. Your stem-cell research position. I, for one, am somewhat mystified concerning the location of the portion of a one-celled human embryo in which the soul resides. Considering that more aggressive research could perhaps lead to improved treatment for sufferers of Parkinson’s Disease, Diabetes, and Multiple Sclerosis, it would appear that your position does not really provide for the common welfare, is uncharitable, and most definitely unchristian. Along the same lines, what legal position do you intend to assume against those couples who have availed themselves of in vitro fertilization and have then abandoned their frozen embryos? Is this child neglect or murder? Are women who spontaneously miscarry guilty of negligent homicide?
Fifth. Your National Debt Reduction Plan. I note that prior to your tax cut that the DJIA was over 11,000. Since that little announcement however, it has never reached 11,000 again. As a future (hopeful) recipient of Social Security benefits, I have always worked under the assumption that it was a deal - not a handout. These funds were supposedly invested by the government on my behalf. Now you are blabbering about “privatizing” the system since it is becoming insolvent. I would have been content to have privatized my participation some 40 years ago. That however, would have made me a criminal. Oh well, I probably would have just put it into some hot issue like Arbusto Petroleum or perhaps have deposited it in Silverado Savings and Loan for safekeeping.
Sixth. Like many, I’ve experienced some concern about this global warming thing. I note that U.S. production of carbon dioxide runs at about a yearly rate of 19.8 tons per capita while India has a mere yield of 1 ton per capita. I was surprised that you were so unwilling to accept the Kyoto Accords but now I’ve realized that your plans for greenhouse gas emissions are intimately linked to your economic goals. First, bring lots of Indians to work in the U.S. and then follow that up by “exporting” our jobs to India. This “sound policy” should result in the decimation of the American economy and eventually bring our greenhouse gas production into line with that of India. The “Invisible Hand” at work.
Back around the turn of the millennium, I had kind of backed you against Algore. Although he was famed for inventing the Internet, you in contrast invented the terms nuculer, Al Kayduh, Abou Grabe. You were the clear winner based on the comic relief that you provided. I would enjoy however, to learn more about that “fuzzy math” you mentioned so frequently during your Duhbaits.
I realize that the heavy burdens of “Affairs of State” and the travails of “smoking out bin Laden” may not allow you time to answer this personally. Nevertheless, I am certain that you will give it due attention and will attempt to address my concerns during the days ahead.
Yours in the Struggle,
Bruno Jorquera
P.S. Friends have asked me to include the postscripts noted below.
"Dear Jerk (Wildman here),
I have received reports of your recent speech to the American people on the situation in Iraq. I did not personally listen to this speech as, quite frankly, I wouldn’t go out into my front yard to listen to you jabber. However, it has been reported to me that you stressed the necessity of the sacrifices, particularly in terms of human lives lost, which “we” have made in Iraq. This may come as a surprise to you, Jerk, but I agree with you. As a matter of fact, I ask you to consider escalating the sacrifices. Yes, escalate them. As a suggestion, you might consider going to Baghdad yourself, without your phalanx of armed goons, and enter some dark alley in the middle of the night. Wear a T-shirt with a big American flag on the back, and on the front, this inscription in Arabic: Hi, I’m Dubya, Hotsnot President of the Yew Ess of Ay. No doubt, you will soon be picked up by the agents of evil and transported to the place of your beheading. This sacrifice will be inspirational to your dwindling ranks of followers, who will be whipped into an insane blood lust (just the kind of thing that would gladden your heart), while the rest of us will have some laughs and entertainment as the knife slices through your trachea. Just a thought.
Love, Wildman"
"The Duke of Shit Lake says,
I wish your letter would be placed before Bush but he's surrounded himself by nothing but ass kissers who fear delivering the bad news or any criticism whatsoever. It's either his way or the highway....And when is The Bush Family going to give that puto Jeb his turn in the White House?
When you write ask for a picture of George and we can turn his likeness into toilet paper. It would give me great pleasure to start my day by wiping my ass with his face."
June, 2005
Dear President Shrublet,
After the last few amusing encounters I’ve experienced with your TSA Nazis in various airports I’ve decided to write to explain some concerns I have.
First. The excellent middle-eastern adventure that you and Rummy have managed to cook up would crack me up if folks weren’t getting killed over it. You are managing to take a lot of lives and ruin some more if you want to consider what is happening to many of the soldiers who have been sent over there to neutralize those WMDs and Al Qaeda links which were proven to exist. They would have been money ahead to play hooky and prepare themselves for Commander in Chiefdom the way you did. Face the fact. If Shrub the Elder had been a man a couple of administrations ago, rather than an abject pussyfart, Saddam would have been forcibly retired during Desert Storm. It was extremely statesmanlike the way good old dad left the Kurds holding the bag while he and his stooges declared that Saddam was a “stabilizing influence” in the area.
Second, your Airport Security Police. Obviously, they are a bunch of retards who are ashamed of their jobs. If not, why do their name tags only show their first name? No badge number or surname. These guys do crack me up, they want to check everybody’s shoes but find that a pen or a couple of wine bottles present lesser hazards than a pair of fingernail clippers or book of matches. I usually have to have my balls searched because my pants have a metal zipper. Since when has having a zipper been prima facie evidence of terrorist intent? Since when are shoes an object of suspicion? Now, lighters and matches are considered to be weapons. I had thought that we were not to be deprived of property without due process of law and that the government was constituted to protect us against unreasonable searches. I find it unreasonable that my wife is searched because the heels of her boots are “too thick”. I had thought that your “Patriot Act” was designed to “lock us down” against the entry of terrorists. Time has shown that it doesn’t even stop Mexicans from entering whenever they wish to do so.
Third. The library card caper. I was also operating under the apparently mistaken impression that Freedom of The Press applied to readers. Apparently, it applies only to publishers. It appears though, that the Thought Police have missed their big opportunity. Blockbuster checks out movies through a computer-based system. Since the educational “system” in the U.S. seems to be unable to teach Johnnie to read, you should also consider and record what he watches. Why not require Blockbuster to transmit lists of viewing data for everyone to whom they rent movies? I’m sure that you could find some “public servants” who would be more than willing to dedicate their lives, fortunes, and sacred honor to reviewing and cataloging viewer tastes.
Fourth. Your stem-cell research position. I, for one, am somewhat mystified concerning the location of the portion of a one-celled human embryo in which the soul resides. Considering that more aggressive research could perhaps lead to improved treatment for sufferers of Parkinson’s Disease, Diabetes, and Multiple Sclerosis, it would appear that your position does not really provide for the common welfare, is uncharitable, and most definitely unchristian. Along the same lines, what legal position do you intend to assume against those couples who have availed themselves of in vitro fertilization and have then abandoned their frozen embryos? Is this child neglect or murder? Are women who spontaneously miscarry guilty of negligent homicide?
Fifth. Your National Debt Reduction Plan. I note that prior to your tax cut that the DJIA was over 11,000. Since that little announcement however, it has never reached 11,000 again. As a future (hopeful) recipient of Social Security benefits, I have always worked under the assumption that it was a deal - not a handout. These funds were supposedly invested by the government on my behalf. Now you are blabbering about “privatizing” the system since it is becoming insolvent. I would have been content to have privatized my participation some 40 years ago. That however, would have made me a criminal. Oh well, I probably would have just put it into some hot issue like Arbusto Petroleum or perhaps have deposited it in Silverado Savings and Loan for safekeeping.
Sixth. Like many, I’ve experienced some concern about this global warming thing. I note that U.S. production of carbon dioxide runs at about a yearly rate of 19.8 tons per capita while India has a mere yield of 1 ton per capita. I was surprised that you were so unwilling to accept the Kyoto Accords but now I’ve realized that your plans for greenhouse gas emissions are intimately linked to your economic goals. First, bring lots of Indians to work in the U.S. and then follow that up by “exporting” our jobs to India. This “sound policy” should result in the decimation of the American economy and eventually bring our greenhouse gas production into line with that of India. The “Invisible Hand” at work.
Back around the turn of the millennium, I had kind of backed you against Algore. Although he was famed for inventing the Internet, you in contrast invented the terms nuculer, Al Kayduh, Abou Grabe. You were the clear winner based on the comic relief that you provided. I would enjoy however, to learn more about that “fuzzy math” you mentioned so frequently during your Duhbaits.
I realize that the heavy burdens of “Affairs of State” and the travails of “smoking out bin Laden” may not allow you time to answer this personally. Nevertheless, I am certain that you will give it due attention and will attempt to address my concerns during the days ahead.
Yours in the Struggle,
Bruno Jorquera
P.S. Friends have asked me to include the postscripts noted below.
"Dear Jerk (Wildman here),
I have received reports of your recent speech to the American people on the situation in Iraq. I did not personally listen to this speech as, quite frankly, I wouldn’t go out into my front yard to listen to you jabber. However, it has been reported to me that you stressed the necessity of the sacrifices, particularly in terms of human lives lost, which “we” have made in Iraq. This may come as a surprise to you, Jerk, but I agree with you. As a matter of fact, I ask you to consider escalating the sacrifices. Yes, escalate them. As a suggestion, you might consider going to Baghdad yourself, without your phalanx of armed goons, and enter some dark alley in the middle of the night. Wear a T-shirt with a big American flag on the back, and on the front, this inscription in Arabic: Hi, I’m Dubya, Hotsnot President of the Yew Ess of Ay. No doubt, you will soon be picked up by the agents of evil and transported to the place of your beheading. This sacrifice will be inspirational to your dwindling ranks of followers, who will be whipped into an insane blood lust (just the kind of thing that would gladden your heart), while the rest of us will have some laughs and entertainment as the knife slices through your trachea. Just a thought.
Love, Wildman"
"The Duke of Shit Lake says,
I wish your letter would be placed before Bush but he's surrounded himself by nothing but ass kissers who fear delivering the bad news or any criticism whatsoever. It's either his way or the highway....And when is The Bush Family going to give that puto Jeb his turn in the White House?
When you write ask for a picture of George and we can turn his likeness into toilet paper. It would give me great pleasure to start my day by wiping my ass with his face."