Thanatopsis
On Death:
I’m not afraid of death. I’m a little apprehensive. I’ve been told a lot of things, but I’m not sure what happens afterwards-whether it’s more of the same, or something new, or nothing at all. That’s like moving to a new place. I’m apprehensive, but I know I can’t stay where I am forever, so I might as well push forward.
I’m afraid of endings. I’m afraid of the words “Never Again.” Neil Gaiman will say that there are no endings, but he’s wrong. Life is nothing but endings. Each afternoon is one that’ll never happen again. Each moment happens once and then is gone. How many sunrises will you have seen by the end of your life? A dozen? A hundred? Five hundred? There’s a limited number of them. Each sunrise you watch is one that’s gone forever. Eventually you’ll watch the last one (and may not even know it).
When I take a sip of a wine, it’s its own little life. It starts crisp, then fades to sweet, and eventually I have an aftertaste of tannin. I take another sip, and it’s similar, but not the same. Some wines improve as you drink them, with some the first taste is the best, but each wine is made of a series of sips. Just like each life is made from a series of days, and each relationship from a series of moments.
I don’t fool myself that I won’t die-I fool myself that I won’t die anytime soon. I fool myself that whatever I don’t do today I can do tomorrow, that I don’t need to treat every moment with my wife as precious because there are plenty more where that one came from. “Plenty” is a relative term. I hope for quite a few more moments, but eventually I’ll start getting close to the bottom of the jar. That is what makes me sad.
There is a sense in which each moment will live forever. In my memory, and to anyone with a time machine, each moment is preserved like a fly in amber. It’s not the nature of a moment to last for more than a moment, nor could I really expect to take anything out of life but the pleasure of having lived it. But when my life flashes before my eyes, I’ll be crying at each moment, because it was a wonderful thing and there won’t be any more of it.
I’m not afraid of death. I’m a little apprehensive. I’ve been told a lot of things, but I’m not sure what happens afterwards-whether it’s more of the same, or something new, or nothing at all. That’s like moving to a new place. I’m apprehensive, but I know I can’t stay where I am forever, so I might as well push forward.
I’m afraid of endings. I’m afraid of the words “Never Again.” Neil Gaiman will say that there are no endings, but he’s wrong. Life is nothing but endings. Each afternoon is one that’ll never happen again. Each moment happens once and then is gone. How many sunrises will you have seen by the end of your life? A dozen? A hundred? Five hundred? There’s a limited number of them. Each sunrise you watch is one that’s gone forever. Eventually you’ll watch the last one (and may not even know it).
When I take a sip of a wine, it’s its own little life. It starts crisp, then fades to sweet, and eventually I have an aftertaste of tannin. I take another sip, and it’s similar, but not the same. Some wines improve as you drink them, with some the first taste is the best, but each wine is made of a series of sips. Just like each life is made from a series of days, and each relationship from a series of moments.
I don’t fool myself that I won’t die-I fool myself that I won’t die anytime soon. I fool myself that whatever I don’t do today I can do tomorrow, that I don’t need to treat every moment with my wife as precious because there are plenty more where that one came from. “Plenty” is a relative term. I hope for quite a few more moments, but eventually I’ll start getting close to the bottom of the jar. That is what makes me sad.
There is a sense in which each moment will live forever. In my memory, and to anyone with a time machine, each moment is preserved like a fly in amber. It’s not the nature of a moment to last for more than a moment, nor could I really expect to take anything out of life but the pleasure of having lived it. But when my life flashes before my eyes, I’ll be crying at each moment, because it was a wonderful thing and there won’t be any more of it.