The day that we have 'punch and pies'
Every year my parents throw this crappy thing called ‘punch and pies’ which is basically when they invite over everyone they know to drop in and have mince pies and wine. My parents have just taken their bad moods out on each other and are now hell bent on making my life a misery. For some reason my brother and sister avoid all this and don’t have to stay in the house making small talk with a bunch of patronising old farts. I have text Emily hoping that she will come round and give me a reason to get out but the chances aren’t looking good.
I would also like to make clear that the second people arrive tonight and ask about the family the common responses will be;
• How well Ailise is doing at Uni and how she wants to be a nursery teacher (I use the word teacher loosely) just like Marie.
• How well the perfect child Lorcan is doing at Uni and how since his gap year his has become involved in lots of good causes.
• How I am doing OK at school and since my trip to China have become a super Christian and a load of other crap about that.
• They will also make out that we are the perfect family.
• That putting the whole evening together wasn’t a bit of trouble and that they love doing it.
However the real truth should be;
• Ailise isn’t doing to well at Uni and has no intention of becoming a teacher or anything involving children. The only reason my parents say that is because they tear apart any other career ideas she has.
• Lorcan is perfect in their eyes but didn’t hand in an essay on time so can only get a maximum of 40% in it. He also spent most of his time in Ecuador drinking and doesn’t really give a flying fuck who cuts down the rain forest as long as he and my sister have access to nicotine.
• I’m scraping by at school and my As results are down purely to me with no help from my parents unless you count refusing to help me help. Also I haven’t become a Christian since China I was just there with Christians.
• We are not really the perfect family because no one pays the slightest bit of attention to anyone other than themselves.
• The whole evening has almost resulted in divorce; they have been taking out their mood swings on everyone and will slag off all of the guests after they leave.
It has been over 20 minutes after I text Emily and am awaiting a reply, may give up hope soon, accept my fate and kill myself.
I would also like to make clear that the second people arrive tonight and ask about the family the common responses will be;
• How well Ailise is doing at Uni and how she wants to be a nursery teacher (I use the word teacher loosely) just like Marie.
• How well the perfect child Lorcan is doing at Uni and how since his gap year his has become involved in lots of good causes.
• How I am doing OK at school and since my trip to China have become a super Christian and a load of other crap about that.
• They will also make out that we are the perfect family.
• That putting the whole evening together wasn’t a bit of trouble and that they love doing it.
However the real truth should be;
• Ailise isn’t doing to well at Uni and has no intention of becoming a teacher or anything involving children. The only reason my parents say that is because they tear apart any other career ideas she has.
• Lorcan is perfect in their eyes but didn’t hand in an essay on time so can only get a maximum of 40% in it. He also spent most of his time in Ecuador drinking and doesn’t really give a flying fuck who cuts down the rain forest as long as he and my sister have access to nicotine.
• I’m scraping by at school and my As results are down purely to me with no help from my parents unless you count refusing to help me help. Also I haven’t become a Christian since China I was just there with Christians.
• We are not really the perfect family because no one pays the slightest bit of attention to anyone other than themselves.
• The whole evening has almost resulted in divorce; they have been taking out their mood swings on everyone and will slag off all of the guests after they leave.
It has been over 20 minutes after I text Emily and am awaiting a reply, may give up hope soon, accept my fate and kill myself.