excuse me? failure?

[ciromazola]

k. this is an open letter to my friend who lives in spain (and who has just decided to come home in september, in case some other spanish friends get the wrong idea). see here, i haven’t written in a really long time. and i am motivated now to write by you, and by your last post (and marginally by the fact that i’ve wanted to comment so many times

Comments

Yikes, I wasn't expecting that

[anonymous]

Yes, yes...but what if I *know* I'm not doing my best? (I have actually always gone by that, the, "do your best" thing.) I am proud of myself and I am actually quite happy though you wouldn't know that if your only knowledge of me was through my (whiny) diaryland. The failure I was speaking of wasn't exactly me in this case...the failure I was referring to was the failure I have had to get anything right here. You know how you have a favorite pen and everything is much easier with your favorite pen? Making lists, writing, paying bills? Well, I've been using a crappy pen for the two years I have been here and I haven't been able, no matter how hard I try and search, to find a decent fricking pen to live with. THAT is the failure I was referring to. I don't like it. Most days I am okay with it all, but sometimes (and right now is a vulnerable time in my life, personally) I just get fed up with it and then I whine and I bitch and I cry and then it's gone and the next day I'm chatting up the produce girls again and life is good. So don't worry...when I come to Kalamazoo again I won't be full of defeat and self-loathing (most days). I promise.