Why bother?
Sometimes I wonder why I bother. This is my third party, and for the third time, only three people showed up. At least the first time it was three people and my roomate.
The really frustrating part is that I was expecting...let's see...9 people. That is, nine people said that they were coming, and several of them said they were going to bring friends. So I figured 10-15 people, and bought food, drinks, booze, etc. accordingly. And of the 9 people, 2 show up. And they brought a friend. Yay!
What more can I do? Last time I thought I didn't send out invitations early enough, and a lot of people were out of town for the weekend. This time, I sent out invitations a week and a half early, and talked to everyone the day before to remind them and see if they were coming. And they said they were. So what am I doing wrong?
At this point, I really just feel like giving up. Why am I putting so much effort into making friends when it is destined to fail anyway? Maybe Miami really is just the unfriendly city everyone says it is. Maybe I should just quit trying to meet people. I mean, I know Humberto. We hang out. Maybe it is greedy to want to have more than one friend in your city. I can just watch movies and play WOW during my free time, and on the weekends hang out with Humberto. So maybe I should just say fuck everyone else, I am done with this, if no one wants to be friends with me fine. Fuck it. I'll just stay here for the next 3 and a half years as I am, get my PE, and get the fuck out.
But what makes me think anywhere else is any different? I maybe I only made friends at CLO because they were forced on me. Maybe it's me. I mean, I am the common denominator... What do all of Jonas' failed parties have in common? So maybe it isn't Miami, and I am screwed no matter where I am. It really makes me wonder about the point of anything. Why do we bother with anything at all? No one really gives a shit. I feel like getting in my car and just leaving, driving away and living in the mountains somewhere, like a hermit. It would be like shaving your head when you start to go bald. Take your inability to maintain meaningful human interaction anywhere but college and say that you are doing it on purpose. Put myself so far in my comfort zone I wouldn't even see other people. Maybe it would even be good for me. After all, what good is anything in this life anyway? It is all just temporary. We have a few years, and then we die, and none of it really matters. I guess except for your relationship to God. That would be the only thing that stays. I think maybe I am beginning to understand monks.
I think maybe I should go be one.
The really frustrating part is that I was expecting...let's see...9 people. That is, nine people said that they were coming, and several of them said they were going to bring friends. So I figured 10-15 people, and bought food, drinks, booze, etc. accordingly. And of the 9 people, 2 show up. And they brought a friend. Yay!
What more can I do? Last time I thought I didn't send out invitations early enough, and a lot of people were out of town for the weekend. This time, I sent out invitations a week and a half early, and talked to everyone the day before to remind them and see if they were coming. And they said they were. So what am I doing wrong?
At this point, I really just feel like giving up. Why am I putting so much effort into making friends when it is destined to fail anyway? Maybe Miami really is just the unfriendly city everyone says it is. Maybe I should just quit trying to meet people. I mean, I know Humberto. We hang out. Maybe it is greedy to want to have more than one friend in your city. I can just watch movies and play WOW during my free time, and on the weekends hang out with Humberto. So maybe I should just say fuck everyone else, I am done with this, if no one wants to be friends with me fine. Fuck it. I'll just stay here for the next 3 and a half years as I am, get my PE, and get the fuck out.
But what makes me think anywhere else is any different? I maybe I only made friends at CLO because they were forced on me. Maybe it's me. I mean, I am the common denominator... What do all of Jonas' failed parties have in common? So maybe it isn't Miami, and I am screwed no matter where I am. It really makes me wonder about the point of anything. Why do we bother with anything at all? No one really gives a shit. I feel like getting in my car and just leaving, driving away and living in the mountains somewhere, like a hermit. It would be like shaving your head when you start to go bald. Take your inability to maintain meaningful human interaction anywhere but college and say that you are doing it on purpose. Put myself so far in my comfort zone I wouldn't even see other people. Maybe it would even be good for me. After all, what good is anything in this life anyway? It is all just temporary. We have a few years, and then we die, and none of it really matters. I guess except for your relationship to God. That would be the only thing that stays. I think maybe I am beginning to understand monks.
I think maybe I should go be one.