(no subject)
When I log onto here I almost always seem to know that I want to spend some real time writing. Then, I come on and I'm lost for words and I write a measly little nothing. I suppose I'm finally just really sick of life here. I'm tired of being told what to do, I'm tired of being codependant on people, and I'm tired of having someone always looking up my ass. I have no privacy or individuality and no one wants to respect that. Our school policies have become fucking obscence and now they take every damn liberty over everything and supposidly I can't even take my own damn prescription to school now. That's fucking bullshit.
I'm really sick of the smell of grass outside and the sound of church bells every night. I'm sick of my neighbors and their fucking farm animals, and I'm sick of white protestants. I'm tired of living in a place where I have to drive to go anywhere and I'm tired of living in a place where people have no exposure to anyone or anything else. My logic? It's only a year.
I seemed to have developed a very amazing ability to dissociate earlier this week. I seemed to have let go of my anger but it's back . At least this time I know it's anger and I can do something about it. I'm so used to denying my anger and simply turning it into depression. I used to blame everything on myself, but now I see that some people really are asswholes and no, I didn't make them treat me this way. People love to treat me like shit (teachers). This year things are going to be different at school. I'm gonna write letters and make complaints, and I'm gonna be the annoying kid threatening the school with his lawyer. I don't give a shit. I'm treated like shit at GMHS and I don't intend to put up with it. The funny thing is, the kids are pretty good to me. It's the damn staff that irritates me. Push me around and I push back.
I'm really sick of the smell of grass outside and the sound of church bells every night. I'm sick of my neighbors and their fucking farm animals, and I'm sick of white protestants. I'm tired of living in a place where I have to drive to go anywhere and I'm tired of living in a place where people have no exposure to anyone or anything else. My logic? It's only a year.
I seemed to have developed a very amazing ability to dissociate earlier this week. I seemed to have let go of my anger but it's back . At least this time I know it's anger and I can do something about it. I'm so used to denying my anger and simply turning it into depression. I used to blame everything on myself, but now I see that some people really are asswholes and no, I didn't make them treat me this way. People love to treat me like shit (teachers). This year things are going to be different at school. I'm gonna write letters and make complaints, and I'm gonna be the annoying kid threatening the school with his lawyer. I don't give a shit. I'm treated like shit at GMHS and I don't intend to put up with it. The funny thing is, the kids are pretty good to me. It's the damn staff that irritates me. Push me around and I push back.