This is too long, no one is going to read it
These past few days have been very eventful.
Sunday I went to go see BAD SANTA; it is the funniest damn movie in the entire world. I laughed, I cried, I pissed myself. The only thing I didn’t like was that all those damn kids were in it and I can’t stand kids. I think they make me nauseous. My parents came home Sunday. As soon as they walked in the door, I felt totally sick. I had so much fun/peace without them. Mommy Dearest wasn’t home for 5 minutes, and she got started. From what I understand, she and Nate argued the whole time they were gone. Mainly because she is a totally lazy slob and cant carry her own luggage, and also didn’t bring any money.
Monday I wasn’t feeling all that special, so I went to the movies again. I saw The Missing with Tommy Lee Jones, and Cate Blanchett. It was very long, but it was excellent. I didn’t come home until about 5:30, and when I walked in mommy dearest was all “where have you been we’ve been calling you”. I’m thinking it was because she wanted something important, but as it turns out, she didn’t cook anything and there was nothing her to eat. Don’t ya love parents?
Tuesday was the best day of the week, but it started out bad. My mom woke me up an hour before I needed to get up to tell me that Nate didn’t come home yet, and I had to take Marvin to work. I was so pissed, and so tired. So I get dressed, and Nate comes home. My mom told me, “Oh you can go back and lay down” I was super pissed! I told her, “I’m not like you; I can’t go to sleep at the drop of a hat, and for 20 minutes!” I was pissed. I skipped biology because I just didn’t feel like taking 600 pages of notes. Then I went over Roberta’s. Ok, this is where it gets good! Usually, I get there and I am ringing the doorbell for at least 5 minutes before she decides to come down. I rang it one time today and she answered right away. She was wearing her old lady house coat, and a paid of black school girl socks, it was hilarious! I was in total shock that she answered the door so fast, which is what I told her. “God dammit, if I don’t answer fast you ring and ring and ring and my damn door bell batteries die!” then she told me she fell down today. I wanted to laugh so hard because I got a visual of that old “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up” woman from those commercials. She showed me where she fell. It looked like she had a damn boxing match in the room. Papers were all over the place, the lamp was knocked over. She said she tried to catch herself on all those things before she actually fell. So anyhow, we go out. I had to take her to the dermatologist at Presby to get a follow-up. I fell asleep in the office and snored a little bit. Then I took her to get her blood drawn. Afterwards she bought me the nastiest muffin from Shadyside hospital. I damn near puked a little. After that, we went to Target by South Hills Village and committed a felony. As we were walking in we saw one of those Salvation Army dudes with the red bucket and bell. He was an older chubby white man with a little beard in a red Target shirt. Roberta said loud as hell “”THAT IS THE FUNKIEST LOOKING SANTA I EVER SAW, HE NEEDS TO BE ROPORTED I WOULDN’T PUT A GOD DAMN NICKLE IN ANY BUCKET THAT HE IS NEAR” . The man wasn’t in a Santa suit. Looked a little like him though, but wasn’t supposed to be Santa. I was totally embarrassed. Then we go into the store where she tells me to open a can of cashews for her because she was feeling weak and light headed. So she’s eating these cashews as we are shopping around the store, then after she eats half the can, she says she doesn’t want them anymore. So I put the lid on them, and put the can in the cosmetics aisle. She didn’t stop me, she didn’t say don’t do it. After that we went to another store, and then we went to lunch at Red Lobster. This is where it gets crazy. We eat and everything is good, and she says would you like your money now, or can you wait until next week. I told her I would take it now because I was broke as a whore on Tuesday. She hands me 2 twenties, and then says, “ARE YOU GONNA SHOW UP?” We both began to laugh. Then she said “oh wait, hell no” and snatched the money back. She said she needed it for something else and I would have to wait. I damn near fell out of the booth laughing.
As I am driving home, I was listening to my Christina Christmas CD. I started wondering where my Mariah Christmas CD was. I remembered I let Mommy Dearest borrow it last year. I asked her where the CD is, and she said it was with the cd's she takes to the church to teach those bastard ass nigglets mime. I looked in her bag and noticed that the CD case was there, but no CD. All she said was, “Oh I wonder what could have happened to it. Oh well” I was super pissed again!!!
Sunday I went to go see BAD SANTA; it is the funniest damn movie in the entire world. I laughed, I cried, I pissed myself. The only thing I didn’t like was that all those damn kids were in it and I can’t stand kids. I think they make me nauseous. My parents came home Sunday. As soon as they walked in the door, I felt totally sick. I had so much fun/peace without them. Mommy Dearest wasn’t home for 5 minutes, and she got started. From what I understand, she and Nate argued the whole time they were gone. Mainly because she is a totally lazy slob and cant carry her own luggage, and also didn’t bring any money.
Monday I wasn’t feeling all that special, so I went to the movies again. I saw The Missing with Tommy Lee Jones, and Cate Blanchett. It was very long, but it was excellent. I didn’t come home until about 5:30, and when I walked in mommy dearest was all “where have you been we’ve been calling you”. I’m thinking it was because she wanted something important, but as it turns out, she didn’t cook anything and there was nothing her to eat. Don’t ya love parents?
Tuesday was the best day of the week, but it started out bad. My mom woke me up an hour before I needed to get up to tell me that Nate didn’t come home yet, and I had to take Marvin to work. I was so pissed, and so tired. So I get dressed, and Nate comes home. My mom told me, “Oh you can go back and lay down” I was super pissed! I told her, “I’m not like you; I can’t go to sleep at the drop of a hat, and for 20 minutes!” I was pissed. I skipped biology because I just didn’t feel like taking 600 pages of notes. Then I went over Roberta’s. Ok, this is where it gets good! Usually, I get there and I am ringing the doorbell for at least 5 minutes before she decides to come down. I rang it one time today and she answered right away. She was wearing her old lady house coat, and a paid of black school girl socks, it was hilarious! I was in total shock that she answered the door so fast, which is what I told her. “God dammit, if I don’t answer fast you ring and ring and ring and my damn door bell batteries die!” then she told me she fell down today. I wanted to laugh so hard because I got a visual of that old “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up” woman from those commercials. She showed me where she fell. It looked like she had a damn boxing match in the room. Papers were all over the place, the lamp was knocked over. She said she tried to catch herself on all those things before she actually fell. So anyhow, we go out. I had to take her to the dermatologist at Presby to get a follow-up. I fell asleep in the office and snored a little bit. Then I took her to get her blood drawn. Afterwards she bought me the nastiest muffin from Shadyside hospital. I damn near puked a little. After that, we went to Target by South Hills Village and committed a felony. As we were walking in we saw one of those Salvation Army dudes with the red bucket and bell. He was an older chubby white man with a little beard in a red Target shirt. Roberta said loud as hell “”THAT IS THE FUNKIEST LOOKING SANTA I EVER SAW, HE NEEDS TO BE ROPORTED I WOULDN’T PUT A GOD DAMN NICKLE IN ANY BUCKET THAT HE IS NEAR” . The man wasn’t in a Santa suit. Looked a little like him though, but wasn’t supposed to be Santa. I was totally embarrassed. Then we go into the store where she tells me to open a can of cashews for her because she was feeling weak and light headed. So she’s eating these cashews as we are shopping around the store, then after she eats half the can, she says she doesn’t want them anymore. So I put the lid on them, and put the can in the cosmetics aisle. She didn’t stop me, she didn’t say don’t do it. After that we went to another store, and then we went to lunch at Red Lobster. This is where it gets crazy. We eat and everything is good, and she says would you like your money now, or can you wait until next week. I told her I would take it now because I was broke as a whore on Tuesday. She hands me 2 twenties, and then says, “ARE YOU GONNA SHOW UP?” We both began to laugh. Then she said “oh wait, hell no” and snatched the money back. She said she needed it for something else and I would have to wait. I damn near fell out of the booth laughing.
As I am driving home, I was listening to my Christina Christmas CD. I started wondering where my Mariah Christmas CD was. I remembered I let Mommy Dearest borrow it last year. I asked her where the CD is, and she said it was with the cd's she takes to the church to teach those bastard ass nigglets mime. I looked in her bag and noticed that the CD case was there, but no CD. All she said was, “Oh I wonder what could have happened to it. Oh well” I was super pissed again!!!