Death, I hate staring you in the face...
I got my latest CT Scan results back and my cancer is stable. This is good meaning that it is not spreading or growing. I am just sick of dealing with it and chemo sucks ass.
After my good friend died in November of cancer, I keep seeing death get closer and closer. I am not feeling sick and actually feel good, but there seems to be a number with what I am dealing with and that is 5 years. At the first meeting, my doctor said that she is going to try and keep me alive for 5 years in hope that there will be a cure. My buddy had been battling cancer off and on for 5 years and he died. My only other close cancer buddy has been battling cancer since 2015 and is in the hospital and might not make it through the week. 5 years. In June it will be 3 years for me. Does that mean I have 2 years left? I cannot think this way, but I CANNOT stop thinking this way.
On another sad note, my best friend's dad died on Friday Night. I am headed to Atlanta tomorrow to go to the funeral on Tuesday.
On an odd note, I got a message about a lawsuit with Zantac and how it has been linked to causing colon cancer. I signed up and am now part of this lawsuit. I have had GERD since 1998 and been taking Zantac and Prevacid since then. If it goes through I might get $20 out of the deal, who knows (they did not give an amount, but usually on these things it is not much). The sucky thing is if I don't take Prevacid, I get really sick and major heartburn. I figure, I already have cancer so no use stopping the meds.... but now that I think of it. What if I were to stop it and then months later the cancer dies. Oh the conundrum....
Why am I so lazy? I feel if I have the energy and mentality to get up and exercise this might all go away. Shouldn't that be motivation enough for me? I HATE THIS!
After my good friend died in November of cancer, I keep seeing death get closer and closer. I am not feeling sick and actually feel good, but there seems to be a number with what I am dealing with and that is 5 years. At the first meeting, my doctor said that she is going to try and keep me alive for 5 years in hope that there will be a cure. My buddy had been battling cancer off and on for 5 years and he died. My only other close cancer buddy has been battling cancer since 2015 and is in the hospital and might not make it through the week. 5 years. In June it will be 3 years for me. Does that mean I have 2 years left? I cannot think this way, but I CANNOT stop thinking this way.
On another sad note, my best friend's dad died on Friday Night. I am headed to Atlanta tomorrow to go to the funeral on Tuesday.
On an odd note, I got a message about a lawsuit with Zantac and how it has been linked to causing colon cancer. I signed up and am now part of this lawsuit. I have had GERD since 1998 and been taking Zantac and Prevacid since then. If it goes through I might get $20 out of the deal, who knows (they did not give an amount, but usually on these things it is not much). The sucky thing is if I don't take Prevacid, I get really sick and major heartburn. I figure, I already have cancer so no use stopping the meds.... but now that I think of it. What if I were to stop it and then months later the cancer dies. Oh the conundrum....
Why am I so lazy? I feel if I have the energy and mentality to get up and exercise this might all go away. Shouldn't that be motivation enough for me? I HATE THIS!