red velvet
It already seems like my dad's birthday, which was yesterday, was ten years ago. Partially, I believe because the idleness of summer is slipping through my fingertips. Today was inservice day! Which meant --
1. finding out that the full-time teaching position for which I applied this past spring was filled by a former high school peer. I wondered where she went; now I know. Now I will pester her endlessly for advice.
2. finding out that a fellow new adjunct is the wife of a reporter at the paper i used to work with (and actually interviewed!). she has roped me into volunteering for the brother of a guy i 1) went to h.s. with 2) almost took over his job at the newspaper earlier this spring. his brother is apparently county board material. the world is so so so so small.
3. trying to keep my lack of confidence only ankle deep. this is where i find out if one can really learn from one's mistakes.
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Another: It is so weird explaining why I came back to Illinois. I say, "I missed my family," but there is so much more to it than that. There is -- I missed the land. There is -- my grandparents died. There is -- I hated my job. There is -- where else can thunder me? where else do I lightning? where else, where else. The other hard part is the, "so where are you living?" question. Saying simply the whereabouts feels like lying. it is always my grandparents' old house. Then of course, I have to deal with the tilt of the head in sympathy, the "I'm sorry," the polite nod to my grief. then I say, "thank you." What else do you say? of course, that is the question everyone asks themselves when I explain this story. What do I say?
There is nothing to say.
Which is partially why I hate small talk without parameters. If we aren't going to say anything real, and we aren't in a narrowly defined encounter (i.e. I love customer small talk, talk with grocerers and baristas because the end and start are neat and tidy. It's when you're trying to play the "get to know you" game that small talk is stupid) then I'd rather not talk. If you want to know me let's talk favorites, silly anecdotes, the question game, oh anything! But it's so hard to cut to the chase.
1. finding out that the full-time teaching position for which I applied this past spring was filled by a former high school peer. I wondered where she went; now I know. Now I will pester her endlessly for advice.
2. finding out that a fellow new adjunct is the wife of a reporter at the paper i used to work with (and actually interviewed!). she has roped me into volunteering for the brother of a guy i 1) went to h.s. with 2) almost took over his job at the newspaper earlier this spring. his brother is apparently county board material. the world is so so so so small.
3. trying to keep my lack of confidence only ankle deep. this is where i find out if one can really learn from one's mistakes.
---
Another: It is so weird explaining why I came back to Illinois. I say, "I missed my family," but there is so much more to it than that. There is -- I missed the land. There is -- my grandparents died. There is -- I hated my job. There is -- where else can thunder me? where else do I lightning? where else, where else. The other hard part is the, "so where are you living?" question. Saying simply the whereabouts feels like lying. it is always my grandparents' old house. Then of course, I have to deal with the tilt of the head in sympathy, the "I'm sorry," the polite nod to my grief. then I say, "thank you." What else do you say? of course, that is the question everyone asks themselves when I explain this story. What do I say?
There is nothing to say.
Which is partially why I hate small talk without parameters. If we aren't going to say anything real, and we aren't in a narrowly defined encounter (i.e. I love customer small talk, talk with grocerers and baristas because the end and start are neat and tidy. It's when you're trying to play the "get to know you" game that small talk is stupid) then I'd rather not talk. If you want to know me let's talk favorites, silly anecdotes, the question game, oh anything! But it's so hard to cut to the chase.