later

[circa1902]

late, why no it's not..! Livejournal seems to be the only thing that i can befriend at this hour sad, i know but true. So tonight i've dont plenty of thinking maybe even more thinking that i should have and it seems to me that my friendships, relashonships are not what i think of them at least with certain people of course others are great. My life, bits and peices re-organized into what some would call a timeline of my life but it's more of a path of distruction and some what a relization of my depression. Since day one i've seen people come and go and some stick through my head and not really bothering me much at all, but even once in awhile something bothers you, such as one person in my life who i greatly admire, even though this person by far has not made the best decisions in there life, i adore this person and of course love but maybe alittle too much for my own good. The feeling, when does this feeling of wanting to know every waking detail indepth of someones life become upsessive and even scary "a hazard for my own good," wanting to know who you've had sex with, who have you made out with, it's crazy to think that those such precious and private details would want to be known by me. Every night i try and occupy myself with things that can no more equal up to what i need them to represnt, although i do not know why i have the need to do this. The depression, this is a scary and horrible topic of discussion but yes again i say, it occupys my life to a degree of uncomfort, the feelings that have formed this horrid, horrid state. Sometimes i just feel for no reason i'm this way but i know why, but its hard to really see through the lust over the love and the jelousy. I know in 5 years i want to be happy and i want this certain person to be by my side, my best freind, my sidekick in all my heroic adventures. It's sad that i write this long long entry and the person i want to tell this all to is just a phone call away. -

although there may be flaws it all came from one place. Chris