Complication and frustration is our devastation
So I'm pretty sure no one reads this which is sad to know but whatever i will still write in it, and hope replies come even if it's like 5 years from now gettin responses is good cause it shows people still care enough to see what's goin on and show that they're still here. But besides that I just had a huge urge to post a new entry since it's been a while and since a lot is going on in my mind and no one to talk to so why not put it out here. So people may be thinking I'm just fantastic and life is all hunky dorrie but it's not lets not forget this is ciopes there's always something unfortunately. But yeah so I'm working like 55-60 hours a week basically 6 days of straight working the last 2 days are the hardest and roughest. BUt I mean I'm rollin in the bucks which is nice, but am I happy? Absolutely NOT. I feel alone there's no friends there's nothing fun for me to do I'm not old enough to go out to the bar where it's easy to meet people. I'm not in school so there goes another possibility of meeting people. I'm just working like a fucking dog, just constant working, wake up eat, go to work come home late sllep wake up again and start all over again. WHat the fuck kind of like is that. I'm like a robot i hate it. I want to come back to michigan and I was shootin for like january or february but yesterday my brother heard about my plans of goin back and he was kinda disappointed, and then was telin me about the money issues and shit like that. He's sayin I'm rushin into leavin and not thinkin about it all the way through. Which I have been planning all the scenarios if I came back. I've been calculating all the financial aspects of it, and the time management part of it for when I got back to school. I don't know I'm just gettin all confused and frustrated now after my brother talked to me about it and shit. HE says I should at least post-pone when i come back says I should come back to michigan around april-may cause I'd have more money saved up and stuff like that.WHich just seems like a long time cause I'm just miserable out here loneliness is such a killer along with stress and physical exhaustion and not having anyone to talk to besides my brother or my mom. I can only say so much with them but having friends to talk to is different from family and everyone can agree with me on this. I guess I don't know what to do because of this confusion and frustration that eating me up inside. Should I just wait till april-may to move back or should I come sooner or should I not come back at all and stay out here. IT's to much to handle for one brain it's just a hard decision ya know cause If I move back to michigan my bro and mom can't help me out they can only give me their advice and wisdom, I'm basically 100% on my own which is exciting but scary at the same time, but staying out here would be equally as hard and stressfull maybe more stressfull I think cause life is expensive, goin to school wouldn't be for a while out here so i'd be stuck workin like a dog for god knows how long, but back in michigan cause things are cheaper and stuff I would also be able to go to school. The one thing my brother was stressin me about was the car issue cause it costs money for the car, insurance, and gas, and whatever other expenses there are that may come up. But I had alot of it figured out and now I'm stuck again I need to refigure everything out. Maybe I'm just to stressed out and exhausted and nothing makes sense because of it. I don't know I'd like to go back to michigan basically to be with friends, go to school and achieve my goal of goin to pharmacy school and succeeding in that field, and I still have a lot of family in michigan that would hopefully help me out if I desperately needed it. And I would love to come back to NYC cause it's a great city but I don't have the money or resources i need yet to make it out here. If I succeed in what in my goals I have set for when coming back to michigan I would for sure be able to live very comfortably in the futer in NYC but my time here in NYC is not ready yet I just want someone to talk to about it hear opinions and thoughts and advice ya know just to get a bigger perspective of the whole thing. BUt I ranted way to long and I am going to go now. BUt i will post something soon hopefully. Peace out