{SUJU} just a little too late.
[ Short thing for a friend. Leeteuk/Heechul, and Kangin/Leeteuk pairings involved really. ]
It was just another Christmas spent opening presents in the dorm that all of the Super Junior members had spent their hard-earned money buying for each other and exchanging. Jungsu had received a few, but not the one he wanted. He hadn’t received his simple wish of being with the one he had wanted most, the one he cared for more than the others-but would never say a word. The down and out leader opened his gifts with a smile. He noticed eyes on him, but refused to meet them. They were his eyes. Heechul’s.
He finished opening the last present-which was a really comfortable looking jacket from Donghae-and began picking up all the wrapping paper that had been tossed around. The others retreated to their rooms to sleep since it was late, and to put up their gifts. Only Jungsu remained for cleanup, which he didn’t mind. He thought he was alone and was sadly mistaken.
“Did you get everything you wanted, Teukie?” a voice called from behind him.
He froze momentarily, then carried on. “Yeah,” he replied quietly. “I got everything I wanted, Chul.”
Heechul sighed softly and folded his arms, furrowing his eyebrows behind his leader’s back. “You seem really down this Christmas. Just like last. Why won’t you just tell me what you really want?”
Jungsu huffed lightly and crammed more torn wrapping paper into a trash bag. “Because it’s not a big deal, Heechul.”
Heechul could see through every bit of Jungsu’s little disguise. He knew exactly what Jungsu wanted because he had heard it from another member before-Siwon to be exact. He knew that his rampant sexual adventures bothered the leader due to his secret love for him. But Heechul said nothing, up until then. “Look, you might as well spill it because I already know.”
Jungsu slowed to a stop and heaved a sigh, tying the bag shut since it had been filled. “What do you know, Heechul? Huh? What do you really even know?” Jungsu questioned, the bitterness obvious in his voice.
Heechul didn’t like the tone. He had always liked to believe he and his leader were close. He knew that this would tear them apart. He could at least give him this Christmas though, couldn’t he?
“Teukie…” Heechul murmured, sliding his arms around Jungsu’s waist, pulling him close. His thin lips brushed the other’s ear softly, breath easing past it. “I know how you feel, Teukie.”
Instead of the reaction Heechul expected-instead of melting into him, relaxing-Jungsu let out a bitter laugh and pried the man’s arms from his waist, stepping away from him with the bag of trash and scrap wrapping paper that had been strewn across the living room of their dorm.
“Right, Heechul. So I feel that way about you. But we both know you’ll never change. Not for me.”
Heechul felt the sting from Jungsu’s words like it’d had been a slap to the face. His eyes narrowed painfully. “I’m sorry, Jungsu,” Heechul snapped, no longer using the pet name. “I’m sorry I can’t change for you, okay? Maybe at this point you’re the one that needs to change.”
Jungsu turned sharply and raised an eyebrow at him. “Me? I need to change? Fine. So be it. I will.”
Heechul felt that sting again. He wasn’t sure when Jungsu’s bitterness had ever hurt that bad in the past, but it sure as hell did then.
*****
Heechul shuffled in late one night from another exploit, furrowing his eyebrows at the noises he had heard from the couch. Light laughter, muffled words. He toed his shoes off at the door quietly. Rounding the corner, his eyebrow raised at the sight. He dropped his bag on the floor rather loudly, clearing his throat. Jungsu was half-clothed, his shirt being the article that had been removed, and Kangin was casually on top of him with his clothes still on. Whatever might have happened in the moments later was nothing that couldn’t be guessed. However, Heechul could not place the gut-wrenching feeling that overcame him.
“The hell are you doing?” he questioned harshly toward Jungsu.
When Kangin moved to open his mouth and speak in his favor, Heechul snapped at him. “You shut up, I was asking Teuk a question.”
Kangin blinked. His expression read that he was highly offended, though he said nothing. “You told me to change.”
Those words alone were enough to send Heechul spiraling inwardly. He swallowed whatever feelings he might have felt and snatched up his bag. Without another word, he stormed off toward his room and slammed the door. He knew they were talking, but he couldn’t hear them. He could only hear muffled words when they had headed down the hallway. Heechul heard quiet mumbling, arguing. He then heard a knock at his door. “Chullie,” Jungsu muttered through the door, using that pet name in hopes of appeasing him but failing, “can we talk…?”
“I don’t want to fucking see you right now,” Heechul snapped at the door, grabbing a slipper of his and throwing it at the door to hopefully ward his leader off.
The slipper made a loud enough noise, but Jungsu remained. “Please?”
Heechul relented. “Fucking… fine. Fine. Whatever.”
Jungsu slid through the door but didn’t come closer to him. Heechul sat on the edge of his bed, refusing to look up at him. What was his problem? He had been the one to urge Jungsu to move on. So why did it bother him to see him with Kangin like that?
“You told me to-“
“Change, I know. I said change, not move on, Jungsu.”
“Change means move on when it comes to changing my feelings, Kim Heechul.”
The cold statement that Jungsu had replied with gave Heechul goosebumps. He couldn’t argue. He had told him to change-meaning to change how he felt. How he could expect him to just take that back now was unimaginable. “But I-“
“Regret your statement? I can’t do anything about it now, Heechul. Kangin came back from his military service. I realized that you were just temporary. Just relief while he was gone.”
Those words dug the metaphorical knife deeper. Heechul felt the tears in his eyes screaming at him for release. Not in front of him. He hoped silently that Jungsu would take it back. But he didn’t. “Get out.”
“You told me-“
“I said get out, Jungsu! I don’t want to talk anymore.”
Jungsu wanted to tell him it was because he was too scared to hear the truth, to hear what Heechul had spoke just a bit before. But he didn’t. Saying nothing further, he turned and left.
The moment the door closed, Heechul broke and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders shook with each silent sob, each bit of silent suffering that left him. If only he could take back the words he’d said.
Heechul wondered if he’d said anything at all…
“Would… would I still just be your replacement infatuation, Park Jungsu…?” Heechul whispered to himself shakily, too scared to know the answer for real.
It was just another Christmas spent opening presents in the dorm that all of the Super Junior members had spent their hard-earned money buying for each other and exchanging. Jungsu had received a few, but not the one he wanted. He hadn’t received his simple wish of being with the one he had wanted most, the one he cared for more than the others-but would never say a word. The down and out leader opened his gifts with a smile. He noticed eyes on him, but refused to meet them. They were his eyes. Heechul’s.
He finished opening the last present-which was a really comfortable looking jacket from Donghae-and began picking up all the wrapping paper that had been tossed around. The others retreated to their rooms to sleep since it was late, and to put up their gifts. Only Jungsu remained for cleanup, which he didn’t mind. He thought he was alone and was sadly mistaken.
“Did you get everything you wanted, Teukie?” a voice called from behind him.
He froze momentarily, then carried on. “Yeah,” he replied quietly. “I got everything I wanted, Chul.”
Heechul sighed softly and folded his arms, furrowing his eyebrows behind his leader’s back. “You seem really down this Christmas. Just like last. Why won’t you just tell me what you really want?”
Jungsu huffed lightly and crammed more torn wrapping paper into a trash bag. “Because it’s not a big deal, Heechul.”
Heechul could see through every bit of Jungsu’s little disguise. He knew exactly what Jungsu wanted because he had heard it from another member before-Siwon to be exact. He knew that his rampant sexual adventures bothered the leader due to his secret love for him. But Heechul said nothing, up until then. “Look, you might as well spill it because I already know.”
Jungsu slowed to a stop and heaved a sigh, tying the bag shut since it had been filled. “What do you know, Heechul? Huh? What do you really even know?” Jungsu questioned, the bitterness obvious in his voice.
Heechul didn’t like the tone. He had always liked to believe he and his leader were close. He knew that this would tear them apart. He could at least give him this Christmas though, couldn’t he?
“Teukie…” Heechul murmured, sliding his arms around Jungsu’s waist, pulling him close. His thin lips brushed the other’s ear softly, breath easing past it. “I know how you feel, Teukie.”
Instead of the reaction Heechul expected-instead of melting into him, relaxing-Jungsu let out a bitter laugh and pried the man’s arms from his waist, stepping away from him with the bag of trash and scrap wrapping paper that had been strewn across the living room of their dorm.
“Right, Heechul. So I feel that way about you. But we both know you’ll never change. Not for me.”
Heechul felt the sting from Jungsu’s words like it’d had been a slap to the face. His eyes narrowed painfully. “I’m sorry, Jungsu,” Heechul snapped, no longer using the pet name. “I’m sorry I can’t change for you, okay? Maybe at this point you’re the one that needs to change.”
Jungsu turned sharply and raised an eyebrow at him. “Me? I need to change? Fine. So be it. I will.”
Heechul felt that sting again. He wasn’t sure when Jungsu’s bitterness had ever hurt that bad in the past, but it sure as hell did then.
*****
Heechul shuffled in late one night from another exploit, furrowing his eyebrows at the noises he had heard from the couch. Light laughter, muffled words. He toed his shoes off at the door quietly. Rounding the corner, his eyebrow raised at the sight. He dropped his bag on the floor rather loudly, clearing his throat. Jungsu was half-clothed, his shirt being the article that had been removed, and Kangin was casually on top of him with his clothes still on. Whatever might have happened in the moments later was nothing that couldn’t be guessed. However, Heechul could not place the gut-wrenching feeling that overcame him.
“The hell are you doing?” he questioned harshly toward Jungsu.
When Kangin moved to open his mouth and speak in his favor, Heechul snapped at him. “You shut up, I was asking Teuk a question.”
Kangin blinked. His expression read that he was highly offended, though he said nothing. “You told me to change.”
Those words alone were enough to send Heechul spiraling inwardly. He swallowed whatever feelings he might have felt and snatched up his bag. Without another word, he stormed off toward his room and slammed the door. He knew they were talking, but he couldn’t hear them. He could only hear muffled words when they had headed down the hallway. Heechul heard quiet mumbling, arguing. He then heard a knock at his door. “Chullie,” Jungsu muttered through the door, using that pet name in hopes of appeasing him but failing, “can we talk…?”
“I don’t want to fucking see you right now,” Heechul snapped at the door, grabbing a slipper of his and throwing it at the door to hopefully ward his leader off.
The slipper made a loud enough noise, but Jungsu remained. “Please?”
Heechul relented. “Fucking… fine. Fine. Whatever.”
Jungsu slid through the door but didn’t come closer to him. Heechul sat on the edge of his bed, refusing to look up at him. What was his problem? He had been the one to urge Jungsu to move on. So why did it bother him to see him with Kangin like that?
“You told me to-“
“Change, I know. I said change, not move on, Jungsu.”
“Change means move on when it comes to changing my feelings, Kim Heechul.”
The cold statement that Jungsu had replied with gave Heechul goosebumps. He couldn’t argue. He had told him to change-meaning to change how he felt. How he could expect him to just take that back now was unimaginable. “But I-“
“Regret your statement? I can’t do anything about it now, Heechul. Kangin came back from his military service. I realized that you were just temporary. Just relief while he was gone.”
Those words dug the metaphorical knife deeper. Heechul felt the tears in his eyes screaming at him for release. Not in front of him. He hoped silently that Jungsu would take it back. But he didn’t. “Get out.”
“You told me-“
“I said get out, Jungsu! I don’t want to talk anymore.”
Jungsu wanted to tell him it was because he was too scared to hear the truth, to hear what Heechul had spoke just a bit before. But he didn’t. Saying nothing further, he turned and left.
The moment the door closed, Heechul broke and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders shook with each silent sob, each bit of silent suffering that left him. If only he could take back the words he’d said.
Heechul wondered if he’d said anything at all…
“Would… would I still just be your replacement infatuation, Park Jungsu…?” Heechul whispered to himself shakily, too scared to know the answer for real.