Sadness
I was just at the hospital... it was like she wasn't there. She looked dead except for the pump/vent that they had her on til my cousin Deb and I got there. I wouldn't let anyone touch me and then i felt i had to hug my cousin because she was i guess safe ground. I feel so confused where my family is concerned lately but, Deb has always been safe ground. We both decided we couldn't be there while they pulled out the ventilator so we went to the first floor. I got to see my niece and nephew, which cheered me up. I have to find a ride back home because it is beyond apparent how much my dad is against the idea. So as soon as we find out when the funeral will be, I guess I'll find out when I can head back home to CMU. My uncle is flying in tomorrow so i really don't know anymore. I kinda wish i had a significant other so i could lean on him, but at the same time i'd probably push him away like I am pushing everyone else away. Every time anyone goes to hug me for more then 5 seconds, i break down in tears. This summer was hard, because of how much pain Gram's was in. I got so frustrated. But we got closer in ways and we found out alot about each other. This is really breaking my heart. And how dad is treating everything and acting is breaking my heart so much more. It is incredibly hard not to cry. But I guess that's life right? I wouldn't be human if I didn't feel so sad.