I come from a day family.
I haven't been able to bring myself to writing anything late. Or creating anything at that. My inspiration has slowly come to a flat line of genuine happiness and in return I've been absolutely miserable.
I will try to explain.
I've tried to convince myself that most of this is paranoia. That when I'm happy I look for ways to be miserable again, because misery has me complete occupied in writing, drawing and creating. Even if I strive to construct something I haven't anyone really to share it with, anyone that really understands. I really miss MY friends. I hate trying to pretend that I like anyone for someone else. I don't think I've ever been that social. Also being so socially awkward doesn't help. My best friend wouldn't call herself social, but if any occasion should arise she could charm the pants off anyone. I could not, I wouldn't know the first thing about talking to strangers. I have also grown this disappointment in people, I can't get along with the way everyone else thinks and feels. I partial blame the birth control I've been taking for about 3 months. I'm going to have to stop taking it and find different method. It's freakin my body out!! I wouldn't say I'm less moody either, I would say that I'd care a lot less though. I don't want to be so lifeless like I have been. I find it a bit strange anyway taking pills to alter these natural things. I should just be sterilized, I think I'd be doing all of humanity a favor.
Hah, remember that sex talk we got in Junior High? "The best form of birth control is to just not have sex." Yeah, like that's going to happen. Hah. Sex is so natural, just like everything else it shouldn't be abused but you can't stop what people feel for each other once it reaches that point. What was that guys name anyway (the speaker)?
Dylan, the guy I've been seeing is wonderful. I laugh more. It's been awhile since I've felt this happy with someone I don't know how to just be. That paranoia just keeps growing on me and I feel like I'm going to be the one to screw things up again. He's tried telling me I can't get rid of him that easily. :) He'll be making the next trip with me to Lubbock,
June 26-29.
My dad and step mom just walked into the house drunk...great. I'd splurge more about lover boy but I think I'll escape the humiliation for the night. Drunk Mexicans.
I will try to explain.
I've tried to convince myself that most of this is paranoia. That when I'm happy I look for ways to be miserable again, because misery has me complete occupied in writing, drawing and creating. Even if I strive to construct something I haven't anyone really to share it with, anyone that really understands. I really miss MY friends. I hate trying to pretend that I like anyone for someone else. I don't think I've ever been that social. Also being so socially awkward doesn't help. My best friend wouldn't call herself social, but if any occasion should arise she could charm the pants off anyone. I could not, I wouldn't know the first thing about talking to strangers. I have also grown this disappointment in people, I can't get along with the way everyone else thinks and feels. I partial blame the birth control I've been taking for about 3 months. I'm going to have to stop taking it and find different method. It's freakin my body out!! I wouldn't say I'm less moody either, I would say that I'd care a lot less though. I don't want to be so lifeless like I have been. I find it a bit strange anyway taking pills to alter these natural things. I should just be sterilized, I think I'd be doing all of humanity a favor.
Hah, remember that sex talk we got in Junior High? "The best form of birth control is to just not have sex." Yeah, like that's going to happen. Hah. Sex is so natural, just like everything else it shouldn't be abused but you can't stop what people feel for each other once it reaches that point. What was that guys name anyway (the speaker)?
Dylan, the guy I've been seeing is wonderful. I laugh more. It's been awhile since I've felt this happy with someone I don't know how to just be. That paranoia just keeps growing on me and I feel like I'm going to be the one to screw things up again. He's tried telling me I can't get rid of him that easily. :) He'll be making the next trip with me to Lubbock,
June 26-29.
My dad and step mom just walked into the house drunk...great. I'd splurge more about lover boy but I think I'll escape the humiliation for the night. Drunk Mexicans.