il terzo /My life is a landfill.
I'm self destructible.
I'm just a matted ball of misery.
My mind morphs all the good things that happen in my life into "issues" that compulsively bombards my brain. No, tortures my brain..
Some psychology theories would presume that this has to do with past experiences.. Or maybe my Super-ego and Id got bored and started up a home based kung fu training course and left me with my ego. Ego is nice..but gets old. He definitely makes me feel better when I make things go wrong...or when I'm a bad driver (He categorizes me as a supreme driver, too good for these simple Oregon roads. I have a higher calling not even NASCAR could fulfill...) and reminds me of all my accomplishments. With Super-ego and Id gone, I have no desire to meet the basic needs of survival (eating, flossing, cleaning out my car, etc...) and no identity. I just have Ego, and thats just as annoying as a pissed off black girl saying over and over and over again: "Oh NOO. Oh no YOU di'ent!! Oh huuh. Mm.OOOHH no you di'ent! OOooooOOOh NOOOO. Mm". When Ego repeats himself about all my accomplishments it makes me feel sickly complacent with my life. Sure I have my degree and have accomplished things, but it seems like the only progressive things I do with my life now are shampooing dog out of my carpet and getting excited when Oprah makes a decent Book Club choice (even though getting excited isn't "progressive" Im using this because when you're pathetically depressed, getting excited about something is progressive).
Tangent:
A freudian theory on all this messy-life-shit would blame this all on a nagging urge I have to sleep with my dad ...*GAAAAAG*...*PUUUKE*
Pervy Sigmond Freud must have had his dad's thumb up his ass when he wrote his books.. But anyways..
Back to subject:
I'm a ticking time bomb. When things seem good, my anxiety rises, speeding up the clock til I explode and all that is good in my life and all that I love is gone. And then I'm left here empty, Ego sucks, scrubbing my carpets.
-Cinfucius.
I'm just a matted ball of misery.
My mind morphs all the good things that happen in my life into "issues" that compulsively bombards my brain. No, tortures my brain..
Some psychology theories would presume that this has to do with past experiences.. Or maybe my Super-ego and Id got bored and started up a home based kung fu training course and left me with my ego. Ego is nice..but gets old. He definitely makes me feel better when I make things go wrong...or when I'm a bad driver (He categorizes me as a supreme driver, too good for these simple Oregon roads. I have a higher calling not even NASCAR could fulfill...) and reminds me of all my accomplishments. With Super-ego and Id gone, I have no desire to meet the basic needs of survival (eating, flossing, cleaning out my car, etc...) and no identity. I just have Ego, and thats just as annoying as a pissed off black girl saying over and over and over again: "Oh NOO. Oh no YOU di'ent!! Oh huuh. Mm.OOOHH no you di'ent! OOooooOOOh NOOOO. Mm". When Ego repeats himself about all my accomplishments it makes me feel sickly complacent with my life. Sure I have my degree and have accomplished things, but it seems like the only progressive things I do with my life now are shampooing dog out of my carpet and getting excited when Oprah makes a decent Book Club choice (even though getting excited isn't "progressive" Im using this because when you're pathetically depressed, getting excited about something is progressive).
Tangent:
A freudian theory on all this messy-life-shit would blame this all on a nagging urge I have to sleep with my dad ...*GAAAAAG*...*PUUUKE*
Pervy Sigmond Freud must have had his dad's thumb up his ass when he wrote his books.. But anyways..
Back to subject:
I'm a ticking time bomb. When things seem good, my anxiety rises, speeding up the clock til I explode and all that is good in my life and all that I love is gone. And then I'm left here empty, Ego sucks, scrubbing my carpets.
-Cinfucius.