Than all y'all combined?
There are days I regret picking such a hard path to walk in my life. This might be one of them, actually, but the thing I’m OK with is that I’ve chosen this particular path for myself. It wasn’t thrust on me, and I think I have the option of pulling out if it ever gets too much. I also kinda secretly ashamedly think there’s something kinda epic and romantic about it, which is really the wrong slant to put on it, but them’s the breaks, I guess. One day, this’ll make a good book, I think. My current problem is that I may have had a despicable and staggering overreaction to a single word, and it’s pissing me off that I haven’t yet grown to accept my place on the path, even after all this time. The choir of my better angels were silenced last night, and that hasn’t happened in many a month. It’s kind of annoying that all the progress I feel I’ve made can be undone in a single bout of moodiness. It’s not a cheering thought, actually. Now I know how Downey Jnr feels.
It’s been a pretty topsy turvy week this week, actually. A grand friend of mine gave me some wonderful news, and I’m thrilled and ecstatic for her. I haven’t lost that optimism that every single new relationship is a wonderful and magical thing, and that first flush is something to be treasured. That grand friend deserves all the happiness in the entire world, and it boggles my mind that it’s possible for her to be happy. I hope she is; it gives me hope that one day my own dreams will come true. Narcissistic, I guess, but the happiness of others gives me hope. It’s something marvelous to revel in, to immerse yourself in, and something to definitely remark upon. I’m not allowed to really spread the goodwill, but man, am I chuffed about it.
I’ve had a glorious Mondays and an even more superlative Wednesday, and I can’t even really recall what I did on Tuesday and Thursday. I did some uni work last night; too, as I have solemnly vowed that I will attempt tutorial questions before the bus ride into uni. I feel really good about my marks, and that’s thanks to two special kids, and I owe them both a ton for helping to push me harder. I’d ask them to keep it up, but I feel that one of them will be too busy gallivanting across Europe soon, and the other might be too busy fending off my requests to hang out. I guess with some people, I’m kind of sick of just being words on a page. Three of my top four friends on MySpace aren’t people I regularly see in real life, and I guess I want to be real friends to them. I’m not sure how open they are to that idea, but MSN and MySpace are great as a stopgap, but sometimes I just yearn to talk to someone on the phone, y’know? At least this semester, I can maybe rectify that a little. I want to be a real person, flesh and blood, and have them be able to turn to me in moments of crisis, and for them to catch me if I fall. They’re so special to me, and yet occasionally, I am not entirely unconvinced that I mean that same to them.
Harry Potter tomorrow, so unless you are a top Top Friend, I won’t have time to field your non-Potter related questions and dramas until at least Sunday afternoon, weather permitting. I may yet venture into the city to see a certain Ebay dress, but only if I am promised a shower of hugs and kisses, and maybe not even then. Otherwise, I hope you did better on your last day of holidays than eat raison toast and watch “When Crocs Attack”. I offer no excuses. ^_^