worst entry ever
dear god why am i even bothering with this? this is the epitomy of my boredom- no wait. world of warcraft is the epitomy of my boredom. perhaps i'll get to that. perhaps i wont. but im here right now because everyones asleep and i have no one to talk to and i need something to keep my mind busy. i'm currently home for spring break- and whenever im left alone in my room late at night, i usually end up putting on soem old music and i just get upset abotu stupid things. ive said this before and i'll say it again: i'm not allowed to be left alone without something to do or watch, etc. cuz for no reason i make stupid things in my head and i just cant be alone.
not like theres anything to be upset about. my life is good right now ! maybe its just a lack of excitement in my life. i mean high school was always so dramatic- something crazy and insane happened everyday- it was degrassi but jersey style and it was amazing. college is so chill, and im so relaxed that i think it gets on my nerves when i finally come home haha. i dunno, i really cant explain it that well. im happy and content but im just lacking random activity. i blame it on the weather. once its nice out- spontanaity will return and this strange lethargicness (and my constant random nastolgia).
but i really dont want to sleep... i REALLY wish people were on to talk to. i want to have a stupid life talk right now- I WANT STARCHAT. if you know what that is youre amazing, trust me. i think thats it though. the one and only thing thats been bothering me (for months now) is that the second my class left high school, everythings gone to hell. no ones friends anymore, everythings changed, and its with all groups of friends. its sad really. it puts people in awkward positions, and after being out of the loop for months, coming back is sort of a smack in the face. i dont know what to do with myself when im home but i know i hate being by myself. like right now. god i really wish someone was around.
now im just rambling like a weirdo. im seriously fine though- it doesnt make sense. during the day im fine, when im with people im fine, but at night if im alone i get so upset. and theres nothing to be upset about. at school at night im always with chris so theres no reason for it but at home... i guess because lately ive felt just as lonely in either place. if im alone at all i kinda get upset. i mean if chris goes home at school i dont know what to do with myself and if im home and my friends are at school or work, its gotten so bad with people that i dont have anyone to hang out with. people have gotten girlfriends or have other friends or wont talk to this person and so on. i dont even think im making sense, i mean there are specifics, im not gonna lie. im just not putting them down because its a public journal and i dont believe in private entries.
i just dont know what to do with myself. i dont even know what to write anymore but i know i really dont want to stop. it keeps me busy and there are people i really want to talk to right now- oh god about ANYTHING but theyre not online and its too late to call and as much as i love my room IM SO NOT ALLOWED TO BE LEFT ALONE IN IT. its summer all over again ! i swear im just gonna work so much this sommer that ill be too damn tired to stay up this late and allow this to keep happening. someone had better have slipped some sort of paranoia pill into my coffee tonight. cuz im kind of shakey all of a sudden too.
OH GOD- SOMEONE I COULD HAVE TALKED TO CAME BACK FROM AWAY THEN LOGGED OFF. almost ripped my hair out just now. i miss msn chat rooms- i think thats one fo reasons this happens now. i used to just sit in those till god knows when but now i dont have anything to do. ---------------------------- WORST ENTRY OF MY LJ CAREER
not like theres anything to be upset about. my life is good right now ! maybe its just a lack of excitement in my life. i mean high school was always so dramatic- something crazy and insane happened everyday- it was degrassi but jersey style and it was amazing. college is so chill, and im so relaxed that i think it gets on my nerves when i finally come home haha. i dunno, i really cant explain it that well. im happy and content but im just lacking random activity. i blame it on the weather. once its nice out- spontanaity will return and this strange lethargicness (and my constant random nastolgia).
but i really dont want to sleep... i REALLY wish people were on to talk to. i want to have a stupid life talk right now- I WANT STARCHAT. if you know what that is youre amazing, trust me. i think thats it though. the one and only thing thats been bothering me (for months now) is that the second my class left high school, everythings gone to hell. no ones friends anymore, everythings changed, and its with all groups of friends. its sad really. it puts people in awkward positions, and after being out of the loop for months, coming back is sort of a smack in the face. i dont know what to do with myself when im home but i know i hate being by myself. like right now. god i really wish someone was around.
now im just rambling like a weirdo. im seriously fine though- it doesnt make sense. during the day im fine, when im with people im fine, but at night if im alone i get so upset. and theres nothing to be upset about. at school at night im always with chris so theres no reason for it but at home... i guess because lately ive felt just as lonely in either place. if im alone at all i kinda get upset. i mean if chris goes home at school i dont know what to do with myself and if im home and my friends are at school or work, its gotten so bad with people that i dont have anyone to hang out with. people have gotten girlfriends or have other friends or wont talk to this person and so on. i dont even think im making sense, i mean there are specifics, im not gonna lie. im just not putting them down because its a public journal and i dont believe in private entries.
i just dont know what to do with myself. i dont even know what to write anymore but i know i really dont want to stop. it keeps me busy and there are people i really want to talk to right now- oh god about ANYTHING but theyre not online and its too late to call and as much as i love my room IM SO NOT ALLOWED TO BE LEFT ALONE IN IT. its summer all over again ! i swear im just gonna work so much this sommer that ill be too damn tired to stay up this late and allow this to keep happening. someone had better have slipped some sort of paranoia pill into my coffee tonight. cuz im kind of shakey all of a sudden too.
OH GOD- SOMEONE I COULD HAVE TALKED TO CAME BACK FROM AWAY THEN LOGGED OFF. almost ripped my hair out just now. i miss msn chat rooms- i think thats one fo reasons this happens now. i used to just sit in those till god knows when but now i dont have anything to do. ---------------------------- WORST ENTRY OF MY LJ CAREER