The Conclusion, Do I Look Like Raymond Babbit to You?

[cinema_babe]

Before you even begin reading this, stop. Below are my feelings, belies and attitudes about "being on the autism spectrum". Some of it is not soft and fuzzy and will irk people. Big surprise

Comments

[ashbet]

I think that your therapist is onto something -- when Asperger's first became publicly well-known, I wondered if I was on the high-functioning end, specifically because of the major social problems I had as a child, teen, and young adult (I always felt like there was a glass wall between me and other people, that there were sub-conversations going on that I couldn't understand, I'm absolutely deaf to subtle hints and subtext, and I was often ostracized when *trying* to fit in, because there was something about me that people found offputting -- I could never quite get it RIGHT, I'd laugh too loud or at the wrong time, or what I was saying would be somehow inappropriate, and I talk too much and use too many goddamn words) . . .

. . . but, after further examination, as I learned more, I decided that it was a tenuous connection and an incorrect tentative-self-diagnosis.

It's actually quite likely that you and I may have a similar PTSD carry-over from our chaotic/abusive/fucked-up childhoods (it's certainly come up enough in MY therapy -- a lot of my dysfunctional reactions can be traced back to coping mechanisms that I developed for dealing with living in my mother's household.)

I have fewer day-to-day issues at this point, because I don't have to spend a lot of time with people who aren't familiar with me, and I don't have to socialize in school/work conditions (where you have to do a lot more self-censoring.) At this point in my life, because I'm disabled, I have the choice of not going into social situations that bring out my particular maladaptive issues and awkwardness, other than sometimes running into issues regarding communication with medical professionals.

>>>And the blogger who said she was very sad and weepy because (according to her) Ehlees-Danlos is a common co-condition for people with Asberger's but for 5 years doctors have been telling her she doesn't have E-D. OK, it's a rare disease maybe the docs are wrong. However, her crusade for an E-D diagnosis was based pretty much on a (a)shaky Asberger's diagnosis (she was never fully evaluated but a psychiatrist had told her that he though she might be on the spectrum) (b)People always telling her she looks so young for her age and soft, young skin equals E-D, and (c)she sprained or dislocated an ankle twice. Twice in her entire life. Having read what people who live with E-D go through, that pot was just disgusting.

Hoooooollllyyyy crap, I'll BET you were furious with her. OMG.

(Some psych diagnoses can be co-morbid with EDS -- depression and anxiety are really common, because EDS SUCKS TO LIVE WITH -- and there's some fairly anecdotal evidence that people with EDS may be more likely to get an autism-spectrum diagnosis . . . but I haven't seen any hard science on it, and it's certainly not *frequent* among EDSers. We just tend to be wound a little too tightly because we're stressed out about what's going to break next.)

I do think that some of your visceral reaction to having an autism spectrum disorder being equivalent to being fundamentally broken is a little harsh, because I know very good, very loved, very productive, talented, and intelligent people who are on the spectrum . . . but I can understand having such a strong reaction against the diagnosis being made FOR YOU.

It was wrong, it felt foreign, and you felt like you were being labeled and pigeonholed (and, it sounds like, patronized) -- it's bullshit that your peers and employers (the school) have access to this medical information and were prepared to treat you differently because of it. I'd have a pretty violent and emotional reaction to that, too.

**big hugs** I'm glad your therapist is helping you get this changed. I agree that it's wrong for you, and I *especially* agree that it's wrong for people who are in a position of power over you were treating you disparately based on what *should* be confidential medical information.

Good luck, hon. And it's good to hear that things are looking up a little.

-- A <3