Sometimes the End of the World is Just the Beginning Part One
Author: cindyls1969
Rating: NC 17 over all
Pairing: Jansis
Summary: Jake and Van have been through a lot together but an almost apocalypse may bring them together in a new way.
A/N: Okay, so, this started as a story for the nuke_anon. We had to choose between the Superbowl and the Apocalypse themes. Naturally I chose the Apocalypse. The prompt I chose was "You jump, I jump" by sweetiejelly but the story soon got out of hand and I decided to save it for the nukebigbang Then the mods came up with the awesome Summerfest and so, I decided I might as well post it for the minibang even though it's not really mini...also, it fills the "some friends do" square on my bingocard over at the promptslove community.
I'ts a WIP but I promise it will be done soon. I know it's against the rules that were posted but random_nic said I could tell you all that I said she was a wanker and ignored the rules to post it anyway. So...she's a wanker and I'm posting it anyhow.
“You jump, I jump.” There was no hesitation at all in Van’s voice.
Jake looked into Van’s eyes and wondered if it was the last time he’d ever hear his voice or see his face. The thought that it could be the last time he and Van did anything at all had him acting on the one impulse he’d always suppressed for the sake of their friendship.
Leaning in, he put both of his hands on Van’s face and tenderly stroked his cheek before kissing him. He let every ounce of love he’d been feeling for the last ten years pour into the kiss.
When he felt Van’s hands on his shoulders, he expected to be pushed away, but Van only grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him closer, kissing back like Jake had only dreamed about.
~~**~~
Two days earlier…
Jake was scared…he could admit it, even if it was only to himself. Most people had fled the city as soon as the world started shaking, hoping that they could get far enough inland to survive.
Yet Jake stayed. He knew it was stupid. His mom and dad had understood though, in that last frantic phone call before his cell phone died. Thankfully his parents and brothers had been visiting family in St. Louis on a month long vacation. They should at least be safe…or safer, anyway
Jake had stayed home because he couldn’t get the time off work and he’d had plans with Van. It wasn’t often that his best friend came to visit and he just couldn’t give up the chance to see him.
And that’s why he was still here. There wasn’t a chance in hell of him getting out the city right now…at least not alone, and if Van actually happened to make it here, Jake didn’t want him to find an empty apartment.
It didn’t make any sense and Jake knew it. At best, Van was holed up somewhere in the Midwest and whole lot safer than Jake was here in New York. And the worst? Well, Jake couldn’t really bring himself to go there quite yet. The possibility that he might never see Van again just wasn’t something he could handle right now.
Meanwhile, he’d barricaded his door, thankful that the converted loft he lived in had a sliding steel door that had three separate locks on it. His friends had teased him about living in an apartment that resembled Brian Kinney’s on Queer as Folk.
He guessed he had the last laugh, though. That door had kept out all the creeps and looters who’d been ransacking the rest of the city. He’d decided that the price he’d paid for the place had been bargain.
He was also thankful for his grandfather.
When Issac Silbermann found out that Jake was going to be an actor in New York and live in a converted loft in an ‘up and coming’ neighborhood, he’d bought Jake a handgun…for protection. Jake hated having the gun in his place, but never got rid of it. He’d chalked it up to a fear of bad Karma.
Now something horrible was happening…but at least he had a little self-protection. Of course, pointing it at someone and actually being able to shoot them were two totally different things.
He’d just have to cross that bridge if he came to it.
Jake walked over and checked the locks on his door for the 500th time before sneaking over to look out the window. He blew out the candle he was holding before pulling back the heavy curtains to look out over the city around him.
After three days, he still wasn’t used to the darkness. In his wildest dreams, he’d never imagined that the city that never sleeps could ever be completely dark.
He could see the occasional dot of light in the distance. He assumed it was others like him, waiting out the storms and the earthquakes and hoping for the best. Maybe they had people they couldn’t bear to leave without as well.
Spotting several shadowy figures creeping along the street, he strained to see better but couldn’t make out faces or clothing and it made the whole scene seem kind of surreal. If he didn’t know better, he’d think he was stuck in the middle of a bad horror movie.
Letting the curtain fall back into place, Jake reached into his pocket and grabbed the lighter he used light the candle. He wasn’t really fond of the dark and being surrounded by so much of it was starting to make him feel claustrophobic.
He walked over to the fireplace and lit another of the candles that sat on the mantle, smiling at the smell of sandalwood and patchouli that filled the air. Van had bought him a bunch of scented candles the last time he’d visited as a joke, saying that the ones that Jake’s ex-girlfriend had left behind were too girly for a bachelor pad.
Jake tried to burn them sparingly, lighting them when he felt lonely and wishing Van was there. He was aware it pretty much made him a great big girl, sitting and pining over his crush.
He could live with it. After all, he’d had almost 10 years to get used to it.
Jake flopped onto the couch and pulled a blanket around his shoulders. It was cool in the apartment but he didn’t dare light the fireplace because he was afraid of attracting attention. There was no need to advertise that Jake’s little hide-away was cozy and warm.
He had lots of food. When they had first started talking on the news about storms and solar flares and what was to come, Jake had paid heed and stocked up on canned goods and toilet paper. He’d suffered through Hurricane Sandy in 2012. He’d learned his lesson about being prepared.
There was still running hot and cold water, and, luckily, he could cook as well because he happened to have a gas stove in his kitchen. He didn’t do it often because the smell of cooking food would most likely attract uninvited guests.
Curling up on the couch, he grabbed his phone and started scrolling through the pictures. The thing was useless for communicating at the moment, but it still held a bunch of shots of Van. Some of them were from the very beginning of their friendship and most people thought it was sweet that he kept them after all this time.
However, the truth was he just couldn’t stand to look at his phone and not see them there.
Every new phone he got, he had them transferred over and he had them backed up on his computer just in case his phone was ever lost or completely fried.
Jake let the phone drop between the cushions and curled up in the little nest he’d made for himself and tried to get some sleep. The gun was on the coffee table beside him just in case he needed to grab it quickly. It was the only way he could let himself relax enough to get some rest.
He drifted off, thoughts of Van running through his head and he sent up a little prayer for Van’s safety and for the safety of everyone he loved.
The sound of yelling in the hallway woke him a couple of hours later. He bolted upright and grabbed the gun as he quietly rose from the couch and made his way to the door.
Someone was yelling as they came up the stairs and it took Jake a few seconds to realize that it was his name that was being called.
As soon as the person rounded the corner at the end of the hall, Jake recognized the voice and his heart started pounding even faster.
“Jake…if you’re there, get that fucking door open!” The desperation in Van’s voice was almost masked by the fury. “Come on, Jake…you gotta be home man…I’ve got company and it’s not anyone I want to spend any time with.”
Jake flew into action, stuffing the gun down the back of his jeans and reaching for the locks. He got them all open just as Van started pounding on the door and as he pulled it open, he almost got punched in the face for his trouble.
Van’s eye widened in shock and Jake looked down the hall to see two men come out of the stairwell and head straight for them. Jake reached out and grabbed Van by the front of his shirt and pulled him into the apartment. He slammed the door shut and turned the locks before turning to Van.
“Jesus Christ…you’re really here…” The wonder in Van’s voice had Jake grinning happily.
“Yeah. I had plans with a friend this weekend. Didn’t want to let him down.”
Van reached out and wrapped his hand around Jake’s neck and pulled him in for a hug. They held each other tightly, ignoring the pounding of fists on the door.
“Your mom said you were here waiting for me, but I thought she must have been wrong. I mean…why would you stay here instead of getting to safety?”
Jake just held on tighter, fighting back the tears pressing up against the back of his eyes. “I couldn’t go. What if you came and I wasn’t here?”
The reality of the rest of Van’s words hit Jake then. “Wait, you talked to my mom?”
Van nodded into his neck. “Yeah. Three days ago. She said she’d just been talking to you and that you’d told her you were waiting here for me. I had made it to my folks place and got them out on the last plane to St. Louis.”
Jake could feel Van shaking and pulled him towards the couch and the blankets there. He wasn’t sure if Van was shaking from fear or cold, but either way the blankets would help.
“I called your mom because I knew they were there for the family thing and I was hoping your folks could meet them at the airport. They don’t know anyone there and it was the only plane that was going to a place where I could get my parents some help. There wasn’t room for me.” Van sunk to the couch and let Jake wrap him up in wool.
“My mom was furious, but what else could I do?” Van was looking at him, his eyes glassy with tears. All Jake could do was shake his head.
“Nothing…there was nothing else you could do.” He put his arm around Van’s shoulders and leaned them both back against the couch. “So what did you do then?”
Van sighed tiredly. “When I got a hold of your mom, she said it was no problem getting my parents and they could come and stay with them. Then she told me you were here, waiting for me like an idiot. So I waited until morning and then got in my car and drove until I ran out of gas. Then I walked.”
The thought of Van walking alone in the craziness that had taken over the world had Jake’s heart threatening to stop. “Where in the hell was that?”
“Mamaroneck.”
Jake was shocked. “Mamaroneck…as in Mamaroneck, Long Island? So you walked 30 fucking miles to get here? Are you out of your mind? Do you know what could have happened to you?”
Van snuggled closer to Jake. The funny thing about it was that it wasn’t all that unusual. Personal space never had seemed to exist to either of them when they were around each other.
“I didn’t have anywhere else to go. And I couldn’t leave you sitting here waiting for me forever. All I could think was that once I got to you, I wouldn’t be alone and I’d be safe.” Van’s words were starting to slur, a sure sign of exhaustion.
“Okay. Just go to sleep.” He pulled Van as close as he could. “You can tell me the rest later.”
“M’kay.” He sighed. “How long do you figure those assholes will keep pounding on the door?”
Jake shrugged. “Not too long, I hope. It’s not like it’s going to get them anywhere. The thing is solid steel.”
There was no response from Van and Jake looked down to find him fast asleep. Jake could feel so many emotions threatening to break free but he tamped them down. He couldn’t afford to lose control now that Van was here. He didn’t have just himself to worry about anymore, and that was both a blessing and a curse.
If he was going to be stuck in an apocalypse with anyone, he was glad it was Van. But he honestly wished that his friend was somewhere safe, far away from New York because he loved him enough to want that for him.
But they were both here. Plans had to be made because they couldn’t stay in the apartment or New York forever. Eventually, they would run out of food and water and he really didn’t want to spend a winter in this New York. They needed to go west…hopefully all the way to St. Louis. There they could meet up with their families and figure out their futures.
Jake knew that this wasn’t an “end of the world” apocalypse. Once the storms were over and things had settled back down, mankind would go on like it always did, adapting and finding new ways to go on.
But it was the end of the world as they knew it and nothing was going to be the same ever again.
Jake could live with that…as long as he had Van by his side. Now he just had to figure out how to convince his best friend that Jake wanted to be more than just friends.
Feeling warm all the way through for the first time in days, Jake tuned out the noises in the hall and let himself drift off to sleep.
~~**~~
Jake woke up to the sound of Van moaning in his sleep. They were both still completely tangled up in each other and in fact, they’d gotten even closer that they had been.
Looking around, Jake could see light trying to creep in over the top edge of the curtains and knew they must have slept through the night.
Van cried out again and Jake lifted his hand and shook his shoulder gently. “Van, wake up.”
At the sound of Jake’s voice, Van sat up, looking around in a panic until he finally focused on Jake’s face. He threw both arms around Jake’s neck and clung to him.
Jake rubbed his hands up and down Van’s back, trying to soothe him out of his nightmare.
“Hey…shhh…it’s okay.”
Van shook his head and shivered violently. “It’s not okay. I don’t think it’s ever going to be okay again.” His breath hitched in his throat. “The things I saw, Jake…what people did to each other. I couldn’t stop it so I hid like a coward.”
Jake pulled away a little and looked down into Van’s eyes. “You’re not a coward. You walked thirty miles, along the highway and then through a dark, broken city and made it here.” He leaned in and kissed Van on the forehead. “I don’t know what you saw, but in any of those situations, was there anything you could have done without getting yourself killed?”
Van looked down at his hands. “No, probably not.” He looked back up, the anguish in his eyes tearing at Jake’s heart. “But I still feel like I should have done something.”
Jake just held him close again and rocked him a little. “I’m glad you didn’t. I’m a selfish bastard and the only thing I care about is you and the fact that you made it here to me.”
He chuckled quietly. “I hate being alone Van, you know that. I couldn’t have lasted much longer here by myself without completely losing my shit.”
Van snorted. “You are kind of a whiny bitch. Someone had to come and take care of your ass.”
Jake laughed and then pushed Van back so he could get up off the couch. “You love my ass.”
Van smiled and shook his head ruefully. “Yeah, I really do.”
Jake was startled by Van’s tone. There was something new there but before he could figure it out, Van was pelting him with a pillow.
“Get me some coffee, wife!” It was an old joke between them that had started on set and they used to argue about who was the wife in Luke and Noah’s relationship.
Jake threw the pillow back and turned and walked to the stove. He lit a match and turned on the burner, praying the gas was still running. He gave a little whoop of victory when the flame caught and he hurried to fill his tea kettle with water.
“Wait, you mean I can actually have coffee? No way!” Van sounded like he was close to tears over a prospective beverage. Then again, he’d always been addicted to Jake’s coffee.
“Yeah. It’s only instant, but it’s better than nothing.”
He was suddenly hugged from behind and almost lifted off his feet. “I fucking love you Jake Silbermann. I’m going to be your slave for life.”
“I’ve heard that before, Hansis. You suck at follow through.” He wriggled his way out of Van’s grasp and headed for the cooler where he’d been storing his perishables. He pulled out the last of his eggs, some non-dairy cheese he’d managed to score on his last trip to the grocery store along with some peppers and onions.
“The water won’t take long to boil and then we can have coffee. I’m going to make some breakfast. Wanna help?” He looked back over his shoulder to see Van staring at him in amazement.
“What?”
Van tilted his head, looking at Jake appraisingly. “You’ve really got this down, haven’t you? Look at you, all prepared for the end of the world.”
Jake shrugged, feeling his face turning red. “I’m more prepared for the average hurricane, but hey, it was the best I could do.”
Van walked over to the counter and grabbed a knife from the knife block and the cutting board from the drawer and started dicing the vegetables while Jake beat the eggs and then grated the cheese.
“You have no idea how awesome you are, do you?” Van was chopping with a fervor that made Jake afraid for his friend’s fingers. “That’s always been your problem. You’ve always underestimated yourself.”
“What are you talking about? I know what I can do.” Jake was confused. Van was obviously upset but he wasn’t sure why.
“No, you just know what you think you can’t do. You’re always so sure that everyone is so much better than you.” Van threw the knife down on the counter and turned to Jake with his hands on his hips. “Don’t you get it? There’s no one better than you. You’re a fantastic actor and an even better director. You aren’t afraid to do any job that someone asks you to, you’re always there for your family and friends. You’re probably the least selfish guy I’ve ever met!”
Van turned and started pacing the kitchen as Jake stood there, completely dumbfounded.
“From the first day when you walked into that casting session to read for Noah, you’ve always given everything you have and you’ve done it with class.” He stopped at the window on the other side of the room and peeked out at what Jake knew was another gloomy day. From the way he was standing and holding his hand, Jake knew that Van was dying for a cigarette even though he’d quit two years before.
He walked over and put his hands on Van’s shoulders. “I don’t know where this is coming from but can we please talk about this later? I’d kinda like to eat breakfast and then we have to decide what we’re going to do next.”
Van just looked at him for a second before smirking at him and shaking his head. “You just keep going, don’t you? Always doing your best for the people you care about, no matter what you have to face, be it cranky, rude waiters, or the end of the world.”
Jake didn’t know what to say to that and he was relieved when Van sighed and threw his arm around Jake’s waist before steering him back to the kitchen. He picked the knife up and started chopping again, although a little more sedately. He looked over his shoulder at Jake.
“Well, come on, that cheese isn’t going to grate itself. Get a move on, sweet cheeks!”
Jake felt his blush flare up again at Van’s endearment. It happened every time and Jake was sure that Van did it on purpose just to see him do it. “Cut it out, asshole.”
Van chuckled and they worked in silence for a while. When the water boiled, Jake quickly made coffee for both of them, adding lots of sugar to Van’s because it was the only way he could drink it. With his addiction to sweet stuff, Jake wasn’t sure how the man didn’t have diabetes.
Once the meal was ready, they sat down at the counter and chatted quietly as they ate. They traded news about their friends, at least as much as they knew and when they were done, they quickly did up the dishes and made another coffee.
When it was ready, they went back to the couch and curled back up together.
Neither of them said anything at first, but the silence finally got to Van.
“So, what do you think we should, Jake? I know you have a plan, but I’m betting you aren’t sure about telling me.” He quirked an eyebrow at Jake and waited.
“You aren’t going to like it.”
Van sighed. “Tell me anyway.”
Jake lifted one hand and rubbed it over his face before finally letting it out. “We have to leave. We need to get out of the city and soon, before it gets too cold. We have no way of staying warm here and we’ll run out of food sooner rather than later.” He stopped to breathe and waited for Van to say something, but the other man just waved his hand to urge him on.
“The water won’t last much longer and neither will the gas. Our only option is to get out of the city and get as far west as we can before winter.” He looked into Van’s big hazel eyes as he spoke. “I’m confident that if we leave now, we’d probably be able to get to St. Louis before the snow begins to fly.”
“You want to get to our families…” Van almost sounded surprised.
“Yeah. You have a better idea?” Jake didn’t want to be the boss or anything. He’d just had a lot of time to think.
Van shook his head. “Nope, I like it actually. But it’s a long walk. About a 1000 miles, all in all.”
“Yeah. But we can keep an eye out for a motorcycle or something. It would get through all the abandoned vehicles and go farther on less gas. It would cut down on our traveling time a little.” He sighed and let his head loll back against the couch.
“I figure we can do it in a couple of months or so. We stick to side roads and small towns as much as possible and avoid the major centers. People are just crazy in the cities now.”
Van snorted. “You have no idea.” He leaned his head on Jake’s shoulder. “It’ll be a miracle if we make it out of the city alive. You know that, right?”
Jake reached over and took Van’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “I don’t think we have a choice. We have to try.”
Van curled into Jake’s side. “I know. It just scares me.”
Jake chuckled. “I’m fucking terrified…but we’re together and I honestly didn’t think that would happen again.”
“So what do we do first?”
“We make a plan, work out a route out of the city and we pack. We only take what we absolutely need and leave the rest behind.” He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Van. “And you need a shower. You smell.”
Van burst out laughing. “Jerk.” He reached over and punched Jake in the arm. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve already left the rest behind. What I’m wearing is all I got. I don’t even have a change of underwear.”
Jake got up off the couch and pulled Van with him. He pushed him down the hall to the bedroom, ushering him in the door to stand in front of the dresser. He opened one drawer and smiled. “Fortunately, I have this drawer full of stuff I call the ‘Van came to visit and left shit behind’ drawer. I believe it includes several changes of underwear.”
Van leaned over and started pawing through the clothing. “See, my forgetfulness has come in handy for once.” He stood up, underwear in hand and looked at the bathroom door. “You think there’s any hot water left?”
Jake nodded. “There was when I washed the dishes. Just be quick because I want one too. It could be the last chance to get clean for a while.”
“Okay, I’ll try and leave you some.” The twinkle in Van’s eye was something Jake had been missing and seeing it again made something break loose in Jake’s chest.
“Van I…” His confession was cut off by Van bouncing up and kissing him on the cheek before running off to the bathroom, and calling back over his shoulder. “I feel like I haven’t had a shower in a month.”
The door slammed behind him, cutting off anything else he might have been saying.
Jake sighed and stared at the door for a moment before leaving the room and going to the small storage room that had come with his apartment.
Opening the door, he spotted what he needed right away. There were a couple of backpacks against one wall and he grabbed them both. He carried them out to the living room before going back and digging through the rest of his camping gear.
It didn’t take him long to find what he needed. There was a small first aid kit, a couple of emergency blankets and two canteens. They were going to have to travel as light as possible so after looking longingly at cooking supplies, he left them there and closed the door.
He heard the water shut off and headed for the bedroom to get ready for his own shower.
They would have to leave first thing in the morning. Putting it off would only hurt them later on, as once fall came, it got darker a whole lot earlier and colder as well.
He looked up as the bathroom door opened and was treated to the sight of Van leaving the room in a burst of steam. He’d only bothered with his boxers and the sight of so much bare skin had Jake’s head spinning.
Van grinned at him. “Man that feels awesome.” Water was dripping off the ends of his hair as he attempted to towel it dry. Jake watched as one drop slid down Van’s temple and onto one muscled shoulder. From there it slowly slid down his chest and clung to a dusky nipple before dropping to the floor.
It took everything Jake had to not walk over there and stop its journey with his tongue.
“Okay…uhm…I guess it’s my turn.” He darted for the bathroom and closed the door before Van could say anything.
He took his time in the shower, knowing it would most likely be the last one in a while. He also took advantage of the personal time and jerked off to the thought of Van, naked and slippery in the shower just before him.
When he came, he bit down hard on the heel of the hand not stroking his cock to keep from crying out too loudly and giving himself away to Van.
When he was finished, he waited for his heartbeat to return to normal before quickly washing his hair and turning off the water.
The only light in the bathroom came in through a window that had been made of clear glass blocks. It made his reflection in the mirror seem gritty and faded, but even the gloomy lighting couldn’t disguise the happiness in his eyes.
Van was here, alive and ready to make a run for safety with him. He couldn’t ask for more.
Looking around, he realized that he hadn’t brought anything to change into, so he wrapped his towel tightly around his waist before opening the door and going into the bedroom.
Van was lounging on the bed with Jake’s iPod resting on his chest and the earbuds stuck firmly in his ears.
His eyes were closed and he was tapping his toes against the footboard in time to the music only he could hear…at least, he was trying to. Van had the worst sense of timing that Jake had ever seen besides himself.
The two of them dancing together had never managed to look anything less than painful.
When they’d been on the show together, the writers had tried to push it, but it had been the one thing they’d stuck to their guns on. Slow dancing was fine, but anything that required an ounce of talent? Forget it.
He smiled when Van started singing along to Elton John. Truth be told, he’d always kind of liked Van’s singing voice. It went soft and sweet when he thought no one was listening.
Jake walked over to the dresser and pulled out sweats and a t-shirt along with his favorite pair of cosy socks. Grabbing a pair of boxers, he slipped them on before dropping his towel and walking over to the bed to sit down.
Van opened his eyes slowly, a lazy grin crossing his face when he spotted Jake. “So, now what?”
“Now we decide what to pack. I have two packs we can take and honestly, we only want to carry what we have to.” Jake slipped into his sweats and pulled his t-shirt over his head. “I have a first aid kit and some canteens for water. I think we take a few changes each of underwear and socks, some beef jerky and I have a few rations and some freeze dried fruit left over from the last camping trip with my brothers.”
Jake slid up the bed to sit against the headboard and looked around the room. “I’m leaving everything here and locking it up. It’s the best I can do and hopefully when everything calms down, it’ll still be here.”
Van got up and crawled over to Jake before sitting down beside him. “I don’t even know if LA is still there, or if it finally broke off into the ocean like they’ve been predicting for years.”
They sat in silence for a little while. Jake thought about all the people they’d cared about in their lives and acknowledged in his heart that there was a good chance that some of them were gone forever.
Jake suddenly remembered something. Jumping up off the bed, he walked over the small wooden chest sitting on his dresser. He opened it and rummaged through it before finding what he was looking for.
He walked back over and flopped back down beside Van and held out his hand. “Here…”
Van looked down at the watch in Jake’s hand and grinned. “You kept it?”
Jake nodded. “Yeah. When the show ended, I felt pretty lost for a while. I asked if I could have the watch…like a souvenir I guess.” He could feel the blush crawling up his cheeks, but he didn’t care.
“But you were so busy after it ended. Stuffer…guest appearances. We didn’t get to hang out forever.” The words weren’t meant to hurt Jake, but they did.
Jake sighed as Van took the watch out of his hand. “Yeah, I know. I was kind of angry then, you know that. I just needed to keep busy for a while.” The last six months of the show had left Jake feeling cheated and the fans had let him know that they’d felt the same way.
Van ran a finger over the face of the watch before turning it over to smile at the words on the back. “I still can’t believe you talked them into really getting it engraved.”
Jake shrugged. “It seemed important at the time.”
Van chuckled and bumped his shoulder against Jake’s. “I thought it was awesome.” He played with the leather strap for a moment before looking up at Jake. “So why do I have this?”
“I don’t want to leave it behind. Everything else…it’s not that important. But this means something to me and it can’t be replaced.” Jake felt kind of stupid, but it was honestly how it felt.
“I get that, so why give it to me?”
Jake looked around the room, avoiding Van’s eyes. “Because that’s where it was always supposed to be.” He sat back and waited for Van to tease him, but it never came.
“Can you help me put this on?” Van held out his arm and passed Jake the watch.
Jake took it and quickly buckled it on Van’s wrist. When he was done, Van squeezed Jake’s fingers and kissed him on the cheek before jumping off the bed.
“Well, let’s get started packing. Once we’re done we can play cards or something until it’s time for dinner. Might as well relax while we can, right?” Van’s happy smile lit the room.
Jake grinned and got off the bed. “Yeah. If you’re lucky, my laptop still has enough power between the battery and the backup to watch a movie. You can even pick.”
“Whoo hoo! Die Hard here we come!” Van ran out the room and down the hall. Jake sighed and then followed him. They’d watched Die Hard together more times than he could count. He realized he was looking forward to it.
He tried not to think that it might be for the last time…
~~**~~
The spent the rest of the day packing and chatting, deciding to put off the movie until after dinner. They made pasta and then huddled together on the couch to watch while they ate.
It was something they had done together a 100 times, but the edge of sorrow surrounding them colored everything, and it made it special.
When Van fell asleep on Jake’s shoulder, he left him there for a while, watching him sleep and thanking god for giving him this gift.
After a couple of hours, his arm fell asleep and his ass hurt from sitting so he shook Van awake and steered him to the bedroom. Van just dropped his jeans and stepped out them before pulling off his shirts and climbing into the bed.
Jake made sure he was comfortable and then went to the washroom and brushed his teeth. When he was done, he tried to sneak back out to his nest on the couch but was stopped by Van’s sleep voice.
“Stay…please.” Van had slid to the far side of the bed and was lifting the covers in invitation. Jake could see the light from the candle reflect off the watch on Van’s wrist.
“Yeah, okay.” He blew out the candle and put it on the table beside the bed before climbing in beside Van.
Turning on his side, he could feel the warmth that was radiating from Van’s body and it helped him to relax. “Night Van.”
Van yawned loudly and snuggled into the pillow. “Night Jake.”
Jake lay there quietly, not able to rest quite yet, and listened to the sounds of Van sleeping. He was starting to get a little frustrated with his sleeplessness when Van suddenly turned over and scooted back until he was spooned back against Jake.
Assuming Van thought he was someone else, he tried to ease away but froze when Van spoke.
“Go to sleep Jake. I’m cold, you’re warm and…I just need to cuddle for a while, okay?”
He sounded scared and Jake couldn’t stand it. “Okay.”
Curling in closer, Jake wrapped his arm around Van’s waist and pressed his nose to the back of his neck. Van shivered a couple of times and Jake almost pulled back, but Van grabbed his arm and held on tightly.
They didn’t speak again and Van was asleep in a matter of minutes. Jake took a little longer but the combination of warmth and comfort from having his best friend sleeping beside him soon had him drifting into a dreamless sleep.
~~**~~
When Jake woke up in the morning, they were still tangled up together. He pulled away carefully, not wanting to wake Van before he had to. He was not a morning person and sleeping in was one more thing that they wouldn’t get to do for a while.
He snagged a pair of jeans off the chair by the door and slipped them on before he walked over and pulled the curtain back to look at the sunrise. It wasn’t much these days. The sun was blurred and muted by strange clouds that the government had been assuring them was just temporary.
He was trying hard to keep believing that.
A sound from the bed had Jake looking over to see Van reaching across the bed, his body probably just registering the loss of Jake’s warmth. He walked back over and sat down, smiling softly when Van scooted over and put his head into Jake’s lap.
Jake let one hand card through Van’s hair, knowing that it would make him purr almost like a cat.
“Morning.”
Van just snuffled in response and pushed his head against Jake’s hand. They relaxed quietly until Van was awake enough to speak.
“Time to get up already?” He sounded resigned and Jake knew that Van was going to hate every moment of the trek they were about to undertake.
“Yeah. I think if we leave right away, we can be out of the city by dark. Or at least close to it.” Jake ignored Van’s whine of protest as he slid out from under his head and lowered it gently to the bed. “I’m going to put some water on for coffee.”
Van sat up and stretched before getting off the bed. “Okay. I’m gonna get cleaned up and brush my teeth. Thank god you always have lots of extra toothbrushes around.”
He staggered off to the bathroom and Jake allowed himself a moment to admire the lean, strong lines of Van’s back and torso. When the door closed, he grabbed a hoodie from the closet and pulled it on and then headed for the kitchen.
The water and the gas still worked and he made short work of boiling water for coffee and grabbing some granola bars for breakfast.
When Van finally emerged, Jake wasn’t surprised that he’d taken another shower. Van loved his showers.
Jake grinned at him as he passed him his coffee and then headed down the hall to the bathroom to perform his own morning ritual. When he was done, he walked back into his bedroom and looked around.
He slumped to the edge of the bed as he took in all the pictures and souvenirs that he’d collected over the years, he felt panic starting to overtake him.
His books, the treasure family photo album his grandmother had made for him; the cowboy hat that he’d gotten from Clint Eastwood when they’d worked together. Lying on the bedside table were the shell necklace his niece had made him at camp and the gold cufflinks that once belonged to his great-grandfather.
He was leaving everything important behind, locking the door and abandoning it here with only a vague hope of ever returning home.
Jake start to feel like he couldn’t breathe and the room started to spin….
“Jake?” Van’s voice had him looking up quickly. “Hey, it’s okay.” Van crossed the room and knelt in from of him, taking his hands and smiling up at him. “Look at me Jake. We’re gonna be okay.”
Maybe he wasn’t leaving the most important thing behind.
Jake wrapped his arms around Van’s neck and held him close. When he finally felt like he’d regained control of himself again, he pulled back and gave Van a watery smile.
“Sorry. I think I panicked a little.”
Van chuckled at him. “Yeah, I think so too.” He climbed to his feet and then pulled Jake up as well. “Come on, let’s get going.”
Jake nodded and followed him out of the room. In the living the two backpacks were waiting for them but they sat down to eat and finish their coffees before leaving.
After making sure one last time that all the windows were closed ad locked, they put on their jackets and hiking boots before slinging the packs over their shoulders.
They weren’t too heavy, but Jake knew that by tomorrow they would feel like they weighed a ton.
Once he was ready Jake picked up the gun, and waited by the door. The extra ammunition was split between his pack and Van’s, hoping that if they lost one of them, then at least they wouldn’t lose everything.
“You ready to do this?” Van was a little pale and his voice shook a little, but he grinned at Jake and it was all he needed.
“Nope, but let’s do it anyway.”
Van laughed. Jake had said the same thing right before Luke and Noah’s first kiss when he was the scared one.
“Alright then.” Jake gripped the gun tightly and nodded at Van to unlock the door and slide it back.
When they looked down the hall, there was no one around. He was relieved that the men who’d followed Van arrived to Jake’s door hadn’t stuck around. Opening the door to the stairwell had been scary, but they made it to the first floor without encountering anyone.
Before walking out of the lobby door, Jake had made sure the gun’s safety was on and stuck it in his pocket. It was better to hide it than flaunt it at this point.
“So, we head north to the Holland Tunnel and hope that it hasn’t been blocked by anything.” Jake looked at Van for reassurance. “Unless you have a better idea?”
Van thought for a second and then smiled. “Yeah, actually. We could head to the North Cove Marina and hopefully find an abandoned boat.” He looked down at his feet for a second before looking back up at Jake. “I have to be honest. The idea of walking into the tunnel scares the shit out of me. Too long and dark and god knows what…or who…is gonna be in there.”
Jake breathed a sigh of relief. He really didn’t want to have to take a tunnel across either. “Sounds good to me. Let’s go!”
They headed down the street, walking quickly but keeping their eyes open for other people. Jake knew there were other people left in New York. They were either stubborn as hell, terrified or taking advantage of the situation and they could all be dangerous.
The sky was the same weird hazy grey and felt oppressive. Their footsteps seemed muted as they walked in the unnatural silence that surrounded them.
“Man, I have always loved New York but dude, this just creepy.”
The sound of Van’s voice made Jake jump. “I know. I had no idea the city could be this quiet. All the same, I’ve had this weird feeling ever since we left the apartment that someone’s watching us.”
“Let’s go faster. I really don’t want to be stuck here at night.” Van picked up the pace and Jake followed him one hand always on the gun in his pocket.
With no traffic to fight against, it only took 20 minutes to reach the marina and they had about 10 boats still tied to the docks. Van searched them for keys while Jake kept watch. It didn’t take long to find the first one, but it wouldn’t start.
They had better luck with the second and within minutes they were crossing the Hudson River and on their way to New Jersey.
They debated where to get off the boat and finally agreed to take the boat around to the other side of Liberty State Park and get off at a golf course there. They figure the less populated the area the better and it would give them a shorter route out of the city.
They huddled close together in the boat, both of them feeling colder out on the water. When they got close to Liberty Island, they kept as far away as they could, knowing there were probably guards there, even now and they didn’t want to attract their attention.
They couldn’t help but stare up at the statue, though. Even in the gloom, Lady Liberty was glorious to see and it made them both smile.
Once they rounded the point by the state park, they slowed the boat and went into the cove by the golf course. There was no one around so they just ran the boat up onto the beach and climbed out.
“I can’t believe we’ve haven’t seen anyone yet.” Jake looked at Van who shrugged.
“They’re probably too scared to come out. And the ones that aren’t? I’m not in a hurry to see them.”
Jake nodded. “Yeah, I agree with you there.” He couldn’t see any signs of life, but he knew looks could be deceiving. “Let’s go. The sooner we’re out of the city the better.”
“We can hit the Turnpike on the other side of the golf course and use it to cross the bay. I think avoiding the more residential areas is probably the best idea. Too many ways to get caught up.” Van hadn’t lived in NY for years but he still knew the area better than Jake so he didn’t mind letting Van pick the route.
“Alright then. What are we just standing around here for?” Jake hiked his pack into a more comfortable position and started walking. It was already close to 9am and if they didn’t get a move on, they’d have no hope hitting a more rural area before dark. He had no desire to try and navigate through neighborhoods that had been rendered into obstacle courses by the night.
Van grinned at him and even if it seemed a little forced, it was still the best thing he’d seen in a long time. “Let’s go.”
Rating: NC 17 over all
Pairing: Jansis
Summary: Jake and Van have been through a lot together but an almost apocalypse may bring them together in a new way.
A/N: Okay, so, this started as a story for the nuke_anon. We had to choose between the Superbowl and the Apocalypse themes. Naturally I chose the Apocalypse. The prompt I chose was "You jump, I jump" by sweetiejelly but the story soon got out of hand and I decided to save it for the nukebigbang Then the mods came up with the awesome Summerfest and so, I decided I might as well post it for the minibang even though it's not really mini...also, it fills the "some friends do" square on my bingocard over at the promptslove community.
I'ts a WIP but I promise it will be done soon. I know it's against the rules that were posted but random_nic said I could tell you all that I said she was a wanker and ignored the rules to post it anyway. So...she's a wanker and I'm posting it anyhow.
“You jump, I jump.” There was no hesitation at all in Van’s voice.
Jake looked into Van’s eyes and wondered if it was the last time he’d ever hear his voice or see his face. The thought that it could be the last time he and Van did anything at all had him acting on the one impulse he’d always suppressed for the sake of their friendship.
Leaning in, he put both of his hands on Van’s face and tenderly stroked his cheek before kissing him. He let every ounce of love he’d been feeling for the last ten years pour into the kiss.
When he felt Van’s hands on his shoulders, he expected to be pushed away, but Van only grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him closer, kissing back like Jake had only dreamed about.
~~**~~
Two days earlier…
Jake was scared…he could admit it, even if it was only to himself. Most people had fled the city as soon as the world started shaking, hoping that they could get far enough inland to survive.
Yet Jake stayed. He knew it was stupid. His mom and dad had understood though, in that last frantic phone call before his cell phone died. Thankfully his parents and brothers had been visiting family in St. Louis on a month long vacation. They should at least be safe…or safer, anyway
Jake had stayed home because he couldn’t get the time off work and he’d had plans with Van. It wasn’t often that his best friend came to visit and he just couldn’t give up the chance to see him.
And that’s why he was still here. There wasn’t a chance in hell of him getting out the city right now…at least not alone, and if Van actually happened to make it here, Jake didn’t want him to find an empty apartment.
It didn’t make any sense and Jake knew it. At best, Van was holed up somewhere in the Midwest and whole lot safer than Jake was here in New York. And the worst? Well, Jake couldn’t really bring himself to go there quite yet. The possibility that he might never see Van again just wasn’t something he could handle right now.
Meanwhile, he’d barricaded his door, thankful that the converted loft he lived in had a sliding steel door that had three separate locks on it. His friends had teased him about living in an apartment that resembled Brian Kinney’s on Queer as Folk.
He guessed he had the last laugh, though. That door had kept out all the creeps and looters who’d been ransacking the rest of the city. He’d decided that the price he’d paid for the place had been bargain.
He was also thankful for his grandfather.
When Issac Silbermann found out that Jake was going to be an actor in New York and live in a converted loft in an ‘up and coming’ neighborhood, he’d bought Jake a handgun…for protection. Jake hated having the gun in his place, but never got rid of it. He’d chalked it up to a fear of bad Karma.
Now something horrible was happening…but at least he had a little self-protection. Of course, pointing it at someone and actually being able to shoot them were two totally different things.
He’d just have to cross that bridge if he came to it.
Jake walked over and checked the locks on his door for the 500th time before sneaking over to look out the window. He blew out the candle he was holding before pulling back the heavy curtains to look out over the city around him.
After three days, he still wasn’t used to the darkness. In his wildest dreams, he’d never imagined that the city that never sleeps could ever be completely dark.
He could see the occasional dot of light in the distance. He assumed it was others like him, waiting out the storms and the earthquakes and hoping for the best. Maybe they had people they couldn’t bear to leave without as well.
Spotting several shadowy figures creeping along the street, he strained to see better but couldn’t make out faces or clothing and it made the whole scene seem kind of surreal. If he didn’t know better, he’d think he was stuck in the middle of a bad horror movie.
Letting the curtain fall back into place, Jake reached into his pocket and grabbed the lighter he used light the candle. He wasn’t really fond of the dark and being surrounded by so much of it was starting to make him feel claustrophobic.
He walked over to the fireplace and lit another of the candles that sat on the mantle, smiling at the smell of sandalwood and patchouli that filled the air. Van had bought him a bunch of scented candles the last time he’d visited as a joke, saying that the ones that Jake’s ex-girlfriend had left behind were too girly for a bachelor pad.
Jake tried to burn them sparingly, lighting them when he felt lonely and wishing Van was there. He was aware it pretty much made him a great big girl, sitting and pining over his crush.
He could live with it. After all, he’d had almost 10 years to get used to it.
Jake flopped onto the couch and pulled a blanket around his shoulders. It was cool in the apartment but he didn’t dare light the fireplace because he was afraid of attracting attention. There was no need to advertise that Jake’s little hide-away was cozy and warm.
He had lots of food. When they had first started talking on the news about storms and solar flares and what was to come, Jake had paid heed and stocked up on canned goods and toilet paper. He’d suffered through Hurricane Sandy in 2012. He’d learned his lesson about being prepared.
There was still running hot and cold water, and, luckily, he could cook as well because he happened to have a gas stove in his kitchen. He didn’t do it often because the smell of cooking food would most likely attract uninvited guests.
Curling up on the couch, he grabbed his phone and started scrolling through the pictures. The thing was useless for communicating at the moment, but it still held a bunch of shots of Van. Some of them were from the very beginning of their friendship and most people thought it was sweet that he kept them after all this time.
However, the truth was he just couldn’t stand to look at his phone and not see them there.
Every new phone he got, he had them transferred over and he had them backed up on his computer just in case his phone was ever lost or completely fried.
Jake let the phone drop between the cushions and curled up in the little nest he’d made for himself and tried to get some sleep. The gun was on the coffee table beside him just in case he needed to grab it quickly. It was the only way he could let himself relax enough to get some rest.
He drifted off, thoughts of Van running through his head and he sent up a little prayer for Van’s safety and for the safety of everyone he loved.
The sound of yelling in the hallway woke him a couple of hours later. He bolted upright and grabbed the gun as he quietly rose from the couch and made his way to the door.
Someone was yelling as they came up the stairs and it took Jake a few seconds to realize that it was his name that was being called.
As soon as the person rounded the corner at the end of the hall, Jake recognized the voice and his heart started pounding even faster.
“Jake…if you’re there, get that fucking door open!” The desperation in Van’s voice was almost masked by the fury. “Come on, Jake…you gotta be home man…I’ve got company and it’s not anyone I want to spend any time with.”
Jake flew into action, stuffing the gun down the back of his jeans and reaching for the locks. He got them all open just as Van started pounding on the door and as he pulled it open, he almost got punched in the face for his trouble.
Van’s eye widened in shock and Jake looked down the hall to see two men come out of the stairwell and head straight for them. Jake reached out and grabbed Van by the front of his shirt and pulled him into the apartment. He slammed the door shut and turned the locks before turning to Van.
“Jesus Christ…you’re really here…” The wonder in Van’s voice had Jake grinning happily.
“Yeah. I had plans with a friend this weekend. Didn’t want to let him down.”
Van reached out and wrapped his hand around Jake’s neck and pulled him in for a hug. They held each other tightly, ignoring the pounding of fists on the door.
“Your mom said you were here waiting for me, but I thought she must have been wrong. I mean…why would you stay here instead of getting to safety?”
Jake just held on tighter, fighting back the tears pressing up against the back of his eyes. “I couldn’t go. What if you came and I wasn’t here?”
The reality of the rest of Van’s words hit Jake then. “Wait, you talked to my mom?”
Van nodded into his neck. “Yeah. Three days ago. She said she’d just been talking to you and that you’d told her you were waiting here for me. I had made it to my folks place and got them out on the last plane to St. Louis.”
Jake could feel Van shaking and pulled him towards the couch and the blankets there. He wasn’t sure if Van was shaking from fear or cold, but either way the blankets would help.
“I called your mom because I knew they were there for the family thing and I was hoping your folks could meet them at the airport. They don’t know anyone there and it was the only plane that was going to a place where I could get my parents some help. There wasn’t room for me.” Van sunk to the couch and let Jake wrap him up in wool.
“My mom was furious, but what else could I do?” Van was looking at him, his eyes glassy with tears. All Jake could do was shake his head.
“Nothing…there was nothing else you could do.” He put his arm around Van’s shoulders and leaned them both back against the couch. “So what did you do then?”
Van sighed tiredly. “When I got a hold of your mom, she said it was no problem getting my parents and they could come and stay with them. Then she told me you were here, waiting for me like an idiot. So I waited until morning and then got in my car and drove until I ran out of gas. Then I walked.”
The thought of Van walking alone in the craziness that had taken over the world had Jake’s heart threatening to stop. “Where in the hell was that?”
“Mamaroneck.”
Jake was shocked. “Mamaroneck…as in Mamaroneck, Long Island? So you walked 30 fucking miles to get here? Are you out of your mind? Do you know what could have happened to you?”
Van snuggled closer to Jake. The funny thing about it was that it wasn’t all that unusual. Personal space never had seemed to exist to either of them when they were around each other.
“I didn’t have anywhere else to go. And I couldn’t leave you sitting here waiting for me forever. All I could think was that once I got to you, I wouldn’t be alone and I’d be safe.” Van’s words were starting to slur, a sure sign of exhaustion.
“Okay. Just go to sleep.” He pulled Van as close as he could. “You can tell me the rest later.”
“M’kay.” He sighed. “How long do you figure those assholes will keep pounding on the door?”
Jake shrugged. “Not too long, I hope. It’s not like it’s going to get them anywhere. The thing is solid steel.”
There was no response from Van and Jake looked down to find him fast asleep. Jake could feel so many emotions threatening to break free but he tamped them down. He couldn’t afford to lose control now that Van was here. He didn’t have just himself to worry about anymore, and that was both a blessing and a curse.
If he was going to be stuck in an apocalypse with anyone, he was glad it was Van. But he honestly wished that his friend was somewhere safe, far away from New York because he loved him enough to want that for him.
But they were both here. Plans had to be made because they couldn’t stay in the apartment or New York forever. Eventually, they would run out of food and water and he really didn’t want to spend a winter in this New York. They needed to go west…hopefully all the way to St. Louis. There they could meet up with their families and figure out their futures.
Jake knew that this wasn’t an “end of the world” apocalypse. Once the storms were over and things had settled back down, mankind would go on like it always did, adapting and finding new ways to go on.
But it was the end of the world as they knew it and nothing was going to be the same ever again.
Jake could live with that…as long as he had Van by his side. Now he just had to figure out how to convince his best friend that Jake wanted to be more than just friends.
Feeling warm all the way through for the first time in days, Jake tuned out the noises in the hall and let himself drift off to sleep.
~~**~~
Jake woke up to the sound of Van moaning in his sleep. They were both still completely tangled up in each other and in fact, they’d gotten even closer that they had been.
Looking around, Jake could see light trying to creep in over the top edge of the curtains and knew they must have slept through the night.
Van cried out again and Jake lifted his hand and shook his shoulder gently. “Van, wake up.”
At the sound of Jake’s voice, Van sat up, looking around in a panic until he finally focused on Jake’s face. He threw both arms around Jake’s neck and clung to him.
Jake rubbed his hands up and down Van’s back, trying to soothe him out of his nightmare.
“Hey…shhh…it’s okay.”
Van shook his head and shivered violently. “It’s not okay. I don’t think it’s ever going to be okay again.” His breath hitched in his throat. “The things I saw, Jake…what people did to each other. I couldn’t stop it so I hid like a coward.”
Jake pulled away a little and looked down into Van’s eyes. “You’re not a coward. You walked thirty miles, along the highway and then through a dark, broken city and made it here.” He leaned in and kissed Van on the forehead. “I don’t know what you saw, but in any of those situations, was there anything you could have done without getting yourself killed?”
Van looked down at his hands. “No, probably not.” He looked back up, the anguish in his eyes tearing at Jake’s heart. “But I still feel like I should have done something.”
Jake just held him close again and rocked him a little. “I’m glad you didn’t. I’m a selfish bastard and the only thing I care about is you and the fact that you made it here to me.”
He chuckled quietly. “I hate being alone Van, you know that. I couldn’t have lasted much longer here by myself without completely losing my shit.”
Van snorted. “You are kind of a whiny bitch. Someone had to come and take care of your ass.”
Jake laughed and then pushed Van back so he could get up off the couch. “You love my ass.”
Van smiled and shook his head ruefully. “Yeah, I really do.”
Jake was startled by Van’s tone. There was something new there but before he could figure it out, Van was pelting him with a pillow.
“Get me some coffee, wife!” It was an old joke between them that had started on set and they used to argue about who was the wife in Luke and Noah’s relationship.
Jake threw the pillow back and turned and walked to the stove. He lit a match and turned on the burner, praying the gas was still running. He gave a little whoop of victory when the flame caught and he hurried to fill his tea kettle with water.
“Wait, you mean I can actually have coffee? No way!” Van sounded like he was close to tears over a prospective beverage. Then again, he’d always been addicted to Jake’s coffee.
“Yeah. It’s only instant, but it’s better than nothing.”
He was suddenly hugged from behind and almost lifted off his feet. “I fucking love you Jake Silbermann. I’m going to be your slave for life.”
“I’ve heard that before, Hansis. You suck at follow through.” He wriggled his way out of Van’s grasp and headed for the cooler where he’d been storing his perishables. He pulled out the last of his eggs, some non-dairy cheese he’d managed to score on his last trip to the grocery store along with some peppers and onions.
“The water won’t take long to boil and then we can have coffee. I’m going to make some breakfast. Wanna help?” He looked back over his shoulder to see Van staring at him in amazement.
“What?”
Van tilted his head, looking at Jake appraisingly. “You’ve really got this down, haven’t you? Look at you, all prepared for the end of the world.”
Jake shrugged, feeling his face turning red. “I’m more prepared for the average hurricane, but hey, it was the best I could do.”
Van walked over to the counter and grabbed a knife from the knife block and the cutting board from the drawer and started dicing the vegetables while Jake beat the eggs and then grated the cheese.
“You have no idea how awesome you are, do you?” Van was chopping with a fervor that made Jake afraid for his friend’s fingers. “That’s always been your problem. You’ve always underestimated yourself.”
“What are you talking about? I know what I can do.” Jake was confused. Van was obviously upset but he wasn’t sure why.
“No, you just know what you think you can’t do. You’re always so sure that everyone is so much better than you.” Van threw the knife down on the counter and turned to Jake with his hands on his hips. “Don’t you get it? There’s no one better than you. You’re a fantastic actor and an even better director. You aren’t afraid to do any job that someone asks you to, you’re always there for your family and friends. You’re probably the least selfish guy I’ve ever met!”
Van turned and started pacing the kitchen as Jake stood there, completely dumbfounded.
“From the first day when you walked into that casting session to read for Noah, you’ve always given everything you have and you’ve done it with class.” He stopped at the window on the other side of the room and peeked out at what Jake knew was another gloomy day. From the way he was standing and holding his hand, Jake knew that Van was dying for a cigarette even though he’d quit two years before.
He walked over and put his hands on Van’s shoulders. “I don’t know where this is coming from but can we please talk about this later? I’d kinda like to eat breakfast and then we have to decide what we’re going to do next.”
Van just looked at him for a second before smirking at him and shaking his head. “You just keep going, don’t you? Always doing your best for the people you care about, no matter what you have to face, be it cranky, rude waiters, or the end of the world.”
Jake didn’t know what to say to that and he was relieved when Van sighed and threw his arm around Jake’s waist before steering him back to the kitchen. He picked the knife up and started chopping again, although a little more sedately. He looked over his shoulder at Jake.
“Well, come on, that cheese isn’t going to grate itself. Get a move on, sweet cheeks!”
Jake felt his blush flare up again at Van’s endearment. It happened every time and Jake was sure that Van did it on purpose just to see him do it. “Cut it out, asshole.”
Van chuckled and they worked in silence for a while. When the water boiled, Jake quickly made coffee for both of them, adding lots of sugar to Van’s because it was the only way he could drink it. With his addiction to sweet stuff, Jake wasn’t sure how the man didn’t have diabetes.
Once the meal was ready, they sat down at the counter and chatted quietly as they ate. They traded news about their friends, at least as much as they knew and when they were done, they quickly did up the dishes and made another coffee.
When it was ready, they went back to the couch and curled back up together.
Neither of them said anything at first, but the silence finally got to Van.
“So, what do you think we should, Jake? I know you have a plan, but I’m betting you aren’t sure about telling me.” He quirked an eyebrow at Jake and waited.
“You aren’t going to like it.”
Van sighed. “Tell me anyway.”
Jake lifted one hand and rubbed it over his face before finally letting it out. “We have to leave. We need to get out of the city and soon, before it gets too cold. We have no way of staying warm here and we’ll run out of food sooner rather than later.” He stopped to breathe and waited for Van to say something, but the other man just waved his hand to urge him on.
“The water won’t last much longer and neither will the gas. Our only option is to get out of the city and get as far west as we can before winter.” He looked into Van’s big hazel eyes as he spoke. “I’m confident that if we leave now, we’d probably be able to get to St. Louis before the snow begins to fly.”
“You want to get to our families…” Van almost sounded surprised.
“Yeah. You have a better idea?” Jake didn’t want to be the boss or anything. He’d just had a lot of time to think.
Van shook his head. “Nope, I like it actually. But it’s a long walk. About a 1000 miles, all in all.”
“Yeah. But we can keep an eye out for a motorcycle or something. It would get through all the abandoned vehicles and go farther on less gas. It would cut down on our traveling time a little.” He sighed and let his head loll back against the couch.
“I figure we can do it in a couple of months or so. We stick to side roads and small towns as much as possible and avoid the major centers. People are just crazy in the cities now.”
Van snorted. “You have no idea.” He leaned his head on Jake’s shoulder. “It’ll be a miracle if we make it out of the city alive. You know that, right?”
Jake reached over and took Van’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “I don’t think we have a choice. We have to try.”
Van curled into Jake’s side. “I know. It just scares me.”
Jake chuckled. “I’m fucking terrified…but we’re together and I honestly didn’t think that would happen again.”
“So what do we do first?”
“We make a plan, work out a route out of the city and we pack. We only take what we absolutely need and leave the rest behind.” He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Van. “And you need a shower. You smell.”
Van burst out laughing. “Jerk.” He reached over and punched Jake in the arm. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve already left the rest behind. What I’m wearing is all I got. I don’t even have a change of underwear.”
Jake got up off the couch and pulled Van with him. He pushed him down the hall to the bedroom, ushering him in the door to stand in front of the dresser. He opened one drawer and smiled. “Fortunately, I have this drawer full of stuff I call the ‘Van came to visit and left shit behind’ drawer. I believe it includes several changes of underwear.”
Van leaned over and started pawing through the clothing. “See, my forgetfulness has come in handy for once.” He stood up, underwear in hand and looked at the bathroom door. “You think there’s any hot water left?”
Jake nodded. “There was when I washed the dishes. Just be quick because I want one too. It could be the last chance to get clean for a while.”
“Okay, I’ll try and leave you some.” The twinkle in Van’s eye was something Jake had been missing and seeing it again made something break loose in Jake’s chest.
“Van I…” His confession was cut off by Van bouncing up and kissing him on the cheek before running off to the bathroom, and calling back over his shoulder. “I feel like I haven’t had a shower in a month.”
The door slammed behind him, cutting off anything else he might have been saying.
Jake sighed and stared at the door for a moment before leaving the room and going to the small storage room that had come with his apartment.
Opening the door, he spotted what he needed right away. There were a couple of backpacks against one wall and he grabbed them both. He carried them out to the living room before going back and digging through the rest of his camping gear.
It didn’t take him long to find what he needed. There was a small first aid kit, a couple of emergency blankets and two canteens. They were going to have to travel as light as possible so after looking longingly at cooking supplies, he left them there and closed the door.
He heard the water shut off and headed for the bedroom to get ready for his own shower.
They would have to leave first thing in the morning. Putting it off would only hurt them later on, as once fall came, it got darker a whole lot earlier and colder as well.
He looked up as the bathroom door opened and was treated to the sight of Van leaving the room in a burst of steam. He’d only bothered with his boxers and the sight of so much bare skin had Jake’s head spinning.
Van grinned at him. “Man that feels awesome.” Water was dripping off the ends of his hair as he attempted to towel it dry. Jake watched as one drop slid down Van’s temple and onto one muscled shoulder. From there it slowly slid down his chest and clung to a dusky nipple before dropping to the floor.
It took everything Jake had to not walk over there and stop its journey with his tongue.
“Okay…uhm…I guess it’s my turn.” He darted for the bathroom and closed the door before Van could say anything.
He took his time in the shower, knowing it would most likely be the last one in a while. He also took advantage of the personal time and jerked off to the thought of Van, naked and slippery in the shower just before him.
When he came, he bit down hard on the heel of the hand not stroking his cock to keep from crying out too loudly and giving himself away to Van.
When he was finished, he waited for his heartbeat to return to normal before quickly washing his hair and turning off the water.
The only light in the bathroom came in through a window that had been made of clear glass blocks. It made his reflection in the mirror seem gritty and faded, but even the gloomy lighting couldn’t disguise the happiness in his eyes.
Van was here, alive and ready to make a run for safety with him. He couldn’t ask for more.
Looking around, he realized that he hadn’t brought anything to change into, so he wrapped his towel tightly around his waist before opening the door and going into the bedroom.
Van was lounging on the bed with Jake’s iPod resting on his chest and the earbuds stuck firmly in his ears.
His eyes were closed and he was tapping his toes against the footboard in time to the music only he could hear…at least, he was trying to. Van had the worst sense of timing that Jake had ever seen besides himself.
The two of them dancing together had never managed to look anything less than painful.
When they’d been on the show together, the writers had tried to push it, but it had been the one thing they’d stuck to their guns on. Slow dancing was fine, but anything that required an ounce of talent? Forget it.
He smiled when Van started singing along to Elton John. Truth be told, he’d always kind of liked Van’s singing voice. It went soft and sweet when he thought no one was listening.
Jake walked over to the dresser and pulled out sweats and a t-shirt along with his favorite pair of cosy socks. Grabbing a pair of boxers, he slipped them on before dropping his towel and walking over to the bed to sit down.
Van opened his eyes slowly, a lazy grin crossing his face when he spotted Jake. “So, now what?”
“Now we decide what to pack. I have two packs we can take and honestly, we only want to carry what we have to.” Jake slipped into his sweats and pulled his t-shirt over his head. “I have a first aid kit and some canteens for water. I think we take a few changes each of underwear and socks, some beef jerky and I have a few rations and some freeze dried fruit left over from the last camping trip with my brothers.”
Jake slid up the bed to sit against the headboard and looked around the room. “I’m leaving everything here and locking it up. It’s the best I can do and hopefully when everything calms down, it’ll still be here.”
Van got up and crawled over to Jake before sitting down beside him. “I don’t even know if LA is still there, or if it finally broke off into the ocean like they’ve been predicting for years.”
They sat in silence for a little while. Jake thought about all the people they’d cared about in their lives and acknowledged in his heart that there was a good chance that some of them were gone forever.
Jake suddenly remembered something. Jumping up off the bed, he walked over the small wooden chest sitting on his dresser. He opened it and rummaged through it before finding what he was looking for.
He walked back over and flopped back down beside Van and held out his hand. “Here…”
Van looked down at the watch in Jake’s hand and grinned. “You kept it?”
Jake nodded. “Yeah. When the show ended, I felt pretty lost for a while. I asked if I could have the watch…like a souvenir I guess.” He could feel the blush crawling up his cheeks, but he didn’t care.
“But you were so busy after it ended. Stuffer…guest appearances. We didn’t get to hang out forever.” The words weren’t meant to hurt Jake, but they did.
Jake sighed as Van took the watch out of his hand. “Yeah, I know. I was kind of angry then, you know that. I just needed to keep busy for a while.” The last six months of the show had left Jake feeling cheated and the fans had let him know that they’d felt the same way.
Van ran a finger over the face of the watch before turning it over to smile at the words on the back. “I still can’t believe you talked them into really getting it engraved.”
Jake shrugged. “It seemed important at the time.”
Van chuckled and bumped his shoulder against Jake’s. “I thought it was awesome.” He played with the leather strap for a moment before looking up at Jake. “So why do I have this?”
“I don’t want to leave it behind. Everything else…it’s not that important. But this means something to me and it can’t be replaced.” Jake felt kind of stupid, but it was honestly how it felt.
“I get that, so why give it to me?”
Jake looked around the room, avoiding Van’s eyes. “Because that’s where it was always supposed to be.” He sat back and waited for Van to tease him, but it never came.
“Can you help me put this on?” Van held out his arm and passed Jake the watch.
Jake took it and quickly buckled it on Van’s wrist. When he was done, Van squeezed Jake’s fingers and kissed him on the cheek before jumping off the bed.
“Well, let’s get started packing. Once we’re done we can play cards or something until it’s time for dinner. Might as well relax while we can, right?” Van’s happy smile lit the room.
Jake grinned and got off the bed. “Yeah. If you’re lucky, my laptop still has enough power between the battery and the backup to watch a movie. You can even pick.”
“Whoo hoo! Die Hard here we come!” Van ran out the room and down the hall. Jake sighed and then followed him. They’d watched Die Hard together more times than he could count. He realized he was looking forward to it.
He tried not to think that it might be for the last time…
~~**~~
The spent the rest of the day packing and chatting, deciding to put off the movie until after dinner. They made pasta and then huddled together on the couch to watch while they ate.
It was something they had done together a 100 times, but the edge of sorrow surrounding them colored everything, and it made it special.
When Van fell asleep on Jake’s shoulder, he left him there for a while, watching him sleep and thanking god for giving him this gift.
After a couple of hours, his arm fell asleep and his ass hurt from sitting so he shook Van awake and steered him to the bedroom. Van just dropped his jeans and stepped out them before pulling off his shirts and climbing into the bed.
Jake made sure he was comfortable and then went to the washroom and brushed his teeth. When he was done, he tried to sneak back out to his nest on the couch but was stopped by Van’s sleep voice.
“Stay…please.” Van had slid to the far side of the bed and was lifting the covers in invitation. Jake could see the light from the candle reflect off the watch on Van’s wrist.
“Yeah, okay.” He blew out the candle and put it on the table beside the bed before climbing in beside Van.
Turning on his side, he could feel the warmth that was radiating from Van’s body and it helped him to relax. “Night Van.”
Van yawned loudly and snuggled into the pillow. “Night Jake.”
Jake lay there quietly, not able to rest quite yet, and listened to the sounds of Van sleeping. He was starting to get a little frustrated with his sleeplessness when Van suddenly turned over and scooted back until he was spooned back against Jake.
Assuming Van thought he was someone else, he tried to ease away but froze when Van spoke.
“Go to sleep Jake. I’m cold, you’re warm and…I just need to cuddle for a while, okay?”
He sounded scared and Jake couldn’t stand it. “Okay.”
Curling in closer, Jake wrapped his arm around Van’s waist and pressed his nose to the back of his neck. Van shivered a couple of times and Jake almost pulled back, but Van grabbed his arm and held on tightly.
They didn’t speak again and Van was asleep in a matter of minutes. Jake took a little longer but the combination of warmth and comfort from having his best friend sleeping beside him soon had him drifting into a dreamless sleep.
~~**~~
When Jake woke up in the morning, they were still tangled up together. He pulled away carefully, not wanting to wake Van before he had to. He was not a morning person and sleeping in was one more thing that they wouldn’t get to do for a while.
He snagged a pair of jeans off the chair by the door and slipped them on before he walked over and pulled the curtain back to look at the sunrise. It wasn’t much these days. The sun was blurred and muted by strange clouds that the government had been assuring them was just temporary.
He was trying hard to keep believing that.
A sound from the bed had Jake looking over to see Van reaching across the bed, his body probably just registering the loss of Jake’s warmth. He walked back over and sat down, smiling softly when Van scooted over and put his head into Jake’s lap.
Jake let one hand card through Van’s hair, knowing that it would make him purr almost like a cat.
“Morning.”
Van just snuffled in response and pushed his head against Jake’s hand. They relaxed quietly until Van was awake enough to speak.
“Time to get up already?” He sounded resigned and Jake knew that Van was going to hate every moment of the trek they were about to undertake.
“Yeah. I think if we leave right away, we can be out of the city by dark. Or at least close to it.” Jake ignored Van’s whine of protest as he slid out from under his head and lowered it gently to the bed. “I’m going to put some water on for coffee.”
Van sat up and stretched before getting off the bed. “Okay. I’m gonna get cleaned up and brush my teeth. Thank god you always have lots of extra toothbrushes around.”
He staggered off to the bathroom and Jake allowed himself a moment to admire the lean, strong lines of Van’s back and torso. When the door closed, he grabbed a hoodie from the closet and pulled it on and then headed for the kitchen.
The water and the gas still worked and he made short work of boiling water for coffee and grabbing some granola bars for breakfast.
When Van finally emerged, Jake wasn’t surprised that he’d taken another shower. Van loved his showers.
Jake grinned at him as he passed him his coffee and then headed down the hall to the bathroom to perform his own morning ritual. When he was done, he walked back into his bedroom and looked around.
He slumped to the edge of the bed as he took in all the pictures and souvenirs that he’d collected over the years, he felt panic starting to overtake him.
His books, the treasure family photo album his grandmother had made for him; the cowboy hat that he’d gotten from Clint Eastwood when they’d worked together. Lying on the bedside table were the shell necklace his niece had made him at camp and the gold cufflinks that once belonged to his great-grandfather.
He was leaving everything important behind, locking the door and abandoning it here with only a vague hope of ever returning home.
Jake start to feel like he couldn’t breathe and the room started to spin….
“Jake?” Van’s voice had him looking up quickly. “Hey, it’s okay.” Van crossed the room and knelt in from of him, taking his hands and smiling up at him. “Look at me Jake. We’re gonna be okay.”
Maybe he wasn’t leaving the most important thing behind.
Jake wrapped his arms around Van’s neck and held him close. When he finally felt like he’d regained control of himself again, he pulled back and gave Van a watery smile.
“Sorry. I think I panicked a little.”
Van chuckled at him. “Yeah, I think so too.” He climbed to his feet and then pulled Jake up as well. “Come on, let’s get going.”
Jake nodded and followed him out of the room. In the living the two backpacks were waiting for them but they sat down to eat and finish their coffees before leaving.
After making sure one last time that all the windows were closed ad locked, they put on their jackets and hiking boots before slinging the packs over their shoulders.
They weren’t too heavy, but Jake knew that by tomorrow they would feel like they weighed a ton.
Once he was ready Jake picked up the gun, and waited by the door. The extra ammunition was split between his pack and Van’s, hoping that if they lost one of them, then at least they wouldn’t lose everything.
“You ready to do this?” Van was a little pale and his voice shook a little, but he grinned at Jake and it was all he needed.
“Nope, but let’s do it anyway.”
Van laughed. Jake had said the same thing right before Luke and Noah’s first kiss when he was the scared one.
“Alright then.” Jake gripped the gun tightly and nodded at Van to unlock the door and slide it back.
When they looked down the hall, there was no one around. He was relieved that the men who’d followed Van arrived to Jake’s door hadn’t stuck around. Opening the door to the stairwell had been scary, but they made it to the first floor without encountering anyone.
Before walking out of the lobby door, Jake had made sure the gun’s safety was on and stuck it in his pocket. It was better to hide it than flaunt it at this point.
“So, we head north to the Holland Tunnel and hope that it hasn’t been blocked by anything.” Jake looked at Van for reassurance. “Unless you have a better idea?”
Van thought for a second and then smiled. “Yeah, actually. We could head to the North Cove Marina and hopefully find an abandoned boat.” He looked down at his feet for a second before looking back up at Jake. “I have to be honest. The idea of walking into the tunnel scares the shit out of me. Too long and dark and god knows what…or who…is gonna be in there.”
Jake breathed a sigh of relief. He really didn’t want to have to take a tunnel across either. “Sounds good to me. Let’s go!”
They headed down the street, walking quickly but keeping their eyes open for other people. Jake knew there were other people left in New York. They were either stubborn as hell, terrified or taking advantage of the situation and they could all be dangerous.
The sky was the same weird hazy grey and felt oppressive. Their footsteps seemed muted as they walked in the unnatural silence that surrounded them.
“Man, I have always loved New York but dude, this just creepy.”
The sound of Van’s voice made Jake jump. “I know. I had no idea the city could be this quiet. All the same, I’ve had this weird feeling ever since we left the apartment that someone’s watching us.”
“Let’s go faster. I really don’t want to be stuck here at night.” Van picked up the pace and Jake followed him one hand always on the gun in his pocket.
With no traffic to fight against, it only took 20 minutes to reach the marina and they had about 10 boats still tied to the docks. Van searched them for keys while Jake kept watch. It didn’t take long to find the first one, but it wouldn’t start.
They had better luck with the second and within minutes they were crossing the Hudson River and on their way to New Jersey.
They debated where to get off the boat and finally agreed to take the boat around to the other side of Liberty State Park and get off at a golf course there. They figure the less populated the area the better and it would give them a shorter route out of the city.
They huddled close together in the boat, both of them feeling colder out on the water. When they got close to Liberty Island, they kept as far away as they could, knowing there were probably guards there, even now and they didn’t want to attract their attention.
They couldn’t help but stare up at the statue, though. Even in the gloom, Lady Liberty was glorious to see and it made them both smile.
Once they rounded the point by the state park, they slowed the boat and went into the cove by the golf course. There was no one around so they just ran the boat up onto the beach and climbed out.
“I can’t believe we’ve haven’t seen anyone yet.” Jake looked at Van who shrugged.
“They’re probably too scared to come out. And the ones that aren’t? I’m not in a hurry to see them.”
Jake nodded. “Yeah, I agree with you there.” He couldn’t see any signs of life, but he knew looks could be deceiving. “Let’s go. The sooner we’re out of the city the better.”
“We can hit the Turnpike on the other side of the golf course and use it to cross the bay. I think avoiding the more residential areas is probably the best idea. Too many ways to get caught up.” Van hadn’t lived in NY for years but he still knew the area better than Jake so he didn’t mind letting Van pick the route.
“Alright then. What are we just standing around here for?” Jake hiked his pack into a more comfortable position and started walking. It was already close to 9am and if they didn’t get a move on, they’d have no hope hitting a more rural area before dark. He had no desire to try and navigate through neighborhoods that had been rendered into obstacle courses by the night.
Van grinned at him and even if it seemed a little forced, it was still the best thing he’d seen in a long time. “Let’s go.”