Yeah, whatever
I was going to do this kick ass "fuck everything" list like the other infamous entry, only mine was going to be even better, like: fuck tumors, fuck chemotherapy, fuck radiation, fuck having hair fall out, fuck feeling nauseated, fuck headaches, fuck brain swelling, fuck fatigue, fuck brain surgery.... but I figured you all have heard that too many times! Haha!
Last night, I had this whole plan to write a blistering reply to the argument about whether or not venting is an acceptable reason to be completely ungrateful for everything you DO have, but then I gave into the wave of fatigue that had built up all day and ended up falling asleep. Probably for the best, because I woke up this morning feeling more sorry for myself than angry. However, I detest feeling sorry for myself, or for anyone else....
Listen, I just spent three months growing out the hair I had to shave off for brain surgery, and it was starting to look reasonable. Now, after three weeks of radiation, and more than a month to go, my hair has started to fall out again. Part of me wanted to start pulling it out because I hated it for getting my hopes up, that I could maybe look decent so quickly! Another part of my wanted to avoid anything, like a strong breeze, that could cause more of this precious hair to leave my head. I can hide from the breeze, but all it took was a few showers to make me nearly bald again.
I couldn't figure out why this mattered so much to me! I guess it was the fact that I am getting married in about a year, and now I have to start my hair from scratch again, if it ever comes back. There is the possiblity that it will never grow back, and while I write it down here, fully aware, I will still be shocked and devastated if that happens. Will I even have hair at my own wedding? Other girls don't have to worry about that, but I do!
There are other things I could "vent", but I am not going to. I guess it would be nice if people realized that I do still read this, and maybe taking a minute to reflect on the good instead of the bad would be better than lashing out. I understand that this is the place to get angry and say what needs to be said, but maybe for life in general, just take a step back and be grateful. It's a struggle for me, but at least I try.
Last night, I had this whole plan to write a blistering reply to the argument about whether or not venting is an acceptable reason to be completely ungrateful for everything you DO have, but then I gave into the wave of fatigue that had built up all day and ended up falling asleep. Probably for the best, because I woke up this morning feeling more sorry for myself than angry. However, I detest feeling sorry for myself, or for anyone else....
Listen, I just spent three months growing out the hair I had to shave off for brain surgery, and it was starting to look reasonable. Now, after three weeks of radiation, and more than a month to go, my hair has started to fall out again. Part of me wanted to start pulling it out because I hated it for getting my hopes up, that I could maybe look decent so quickly! Another part of my wanted to avoid anything, like a strong breeze, that could cause more of this precious hair to leave my head. I can hide from the breeze, but all it took was a few showers to make me nearly bald again.
I couldn't figure out why this mattered so much to me! I guess it was the fact that I am getting married in about a year, and now I have to start my hair from scratch again, if it ever comes back. There is the possiblity that it will never grow back, and while I write it down here, fully aware, I will still be shocked and devastated if that happens. Will I even have hair at my own wedding? Other girls don't have to worry about that, but I do!
There are other things I could "vent", but I am not going to. I guess it would be nice if people realized that I do still read this, and maybe taking a minute to reflect on the good instead of the bad would be better than lashing out. I understand that this is the place to get angry and say what needs to be said, but maybe for life in general, just take a step back and be grateful. It's a struggle for me, but at least I try.