New Stuff
First of all, congratulations to all of the graduates! Graduation is still one of my most wonderful memories, and I wish you all the best as you embark on whatever lies ahead. I wish I could be there!
As to new info, I have a surgery date and it is June 17. This is REALLY soon and I am starting to freak out. REALLY. I want this all to be done as soon as possible and everything, but it is starting to hit me that in less than one week, this Thursday, I am going to have brain surgery!
I know that you are all busy right now with graduation and the end of the school year, but I don't know if you realize the gravity of the situation I am going through. This Thursday, I am going to have my skull opened up and my brain exposed and tampered with. I am not okay with any of this! I am terrified of every possibility under the sun, and I don't really know how to deal with it. I will also have to have my hair cut really short (almost shaved style) so they can access the portion of my brain (left frontal lobe) that needs to have the tumor removed. After the surgery, I will face a long recovery that may include learning how to communicate again.... The left frontal lobe is the area where speech, comprehension and communication all take place, and even though this part of the brain is ten times better that having this in the brain stem (basic functioning), I am terrified that I will lose something I can never get back!
Anway, I guess I have felt a sort of under reaction here. I don't know what I expected, but I guess I expected something rather than nothing. I have no intention of ruining this wonderful weekend for any of you, but I suppose I am just really starting to see that I am truly scared. Frank and my family have been here for me constantly, but even that has been a matter of concern. People keep coming up with their small, petty problems and acting like they are big deals, and they don't see that these things pale in comparison to this. I wouldn't ever ask another person to go through what I am going through, but I hope you can see how lucky you are to not have this surgery and recovery and possible radiation afterwards (and still possibly cancer) looming on the horizon. I have to face my own mortality at twenty years of age, and that sucks. There is a 1-in-20 chance that this surgery could kill me, and no matter how small that sounds, it is not zero. I hope you can all understand that this is really hard for me, and I hope you all realize how good your lives are, if only for the fact that you are not dead.
As to new info, I have a surgery date and it is June 17. This is REALLY soon and I am starting to freak out. REALLY. I want this all to be done as soon as possible and everything, but it is starting to hit me that in less than one week, this Thursday, I am going to have brain surgery!
I know that you are all busy right now with graduation and the end of the school year, but I don't know if you realize the gravity of the situation I am going through. This Thursday, I am going to have my skull opened up and my brain exposed and tampered with. I am not okay with any of this! I am terrified of every possibility under the sun, and I don't really know how to deal with it. I will also have to have my hair cut really short (almost shaved style) so they can access the portion of my brain (left frontal lobe) that needs to have the tumor removed. After the surgery, I will face a long recovery that may include learning how to communicate again.... The left frontal lobe is the area where speech, comprehension and communication all take place, and even though this part of the brain is ten times better that having this in the brain stem (basic functioning), I am terrified that I will lose something I can never get back!
Anway, I guess I have felt a sort of under reaction here. I don't know what I expected, but I guess I expected something rather than nothing. I have no intention of ruining this wonderful weekend for any of you, but I suppose I am just really starting to see that I am truly scared. Frank and my family have been here for me constantly, but even that has been a matter of concern. People keep coming up with their small, petty problems and acting like they are big deals, and they don't see that these things pale in comparison to this. I wouldn't ever ask another person to go through what I am going through, but I hope you can see how lucky you are to not have this surgery and recovery and possible radiation afterwards (and still possibly cancer) looming on the horizon. I have to face my own mortality at twenty years of age, and that sucks. There is a 1-in-20 chance that this surgery could kill me, and no matter how small that sounds, it is not zero. I hope you can all understand that this is really hard for me, and I hope you all realize how good your lives are, if only for the fact that you are not dead.