Very Disappointed In Me
Yesterday I was having a good day. Work went as normal. I got home on time, made dinner and ate with Dan and Bode. We played a little together and I organized some books in Bode's room. Dan put up new book shelves in his room. Then Dan went out to play poker.
Bode and I played a little more and then I drew a bath for him. He did really well in his bath. He's not a huge fan. He screamed for every bath until he was about 10 months old. I would have to get into the bath with him and nurse him in order for him to calm down until that point. Now he's better. Much better, but he still hates getting his hair washed. He didn't really cry much, but he was a little pissed about it last nite. Well I got him out of his bath, dried him off and snuggled with him. Then he wanted to nurse right away and I put him off and laid him down to put his dipe and pjs on first. He very loudly protested and in fact kicked me quite hard. I without thinking what I was doing just instinctively slapped his little bare foot. I'm so disappointed in myself. How could I do that? I did even think about it. Immediately after he cried. I think I just took him by surprise and scared him. I feel awful! I apologized profusely and explained to him what happened. But, what was I thinking. Please don't grill me - I feel bad enough already. I would be happy with any suggestions on how to train myself to always be AWARE of my reactions though. I've been reading Adventures in Gentle Discipline and I'm usually very calm and just take a step back when he gets a little testy with me. I don't know why I reacted the way I did though.
It's weird maybe the way I was parented has something to do with it. My parents are not cold heartless people and I wouldn't even say that they are anti AP. However they are old school and they did what their parents did with them. My Dad had a stick for me and my sister. A stick that was about 5 inches wide at the end and skinnier at the base and it was even varnished. It was the spanking stick and when we were "bad" or misbehaved we got spankings. He'd usually just threaten us a couple times and then if we didn't listen we got it. In fact sometimes he'd make us go get the stick ourselves. We'd beg and plead for no spankings, but if we were bad he'd usually follow through. It was especially awful when Sally & I got into trouble together. Cause then one would have to go first and the other would have to just sit there and wait to get your turn. Not fun. Yet, I don't think my parents were that weird for their time. Most other kids in my neighborhood had the same experience-whether it was a stick, a belt or a back hand. I never felt like I was being beaten or taken advantage of. I always felt my parents loved me and cared about me. Please don't get the wrong opinion about my parents. They are weird and they have their issues- but they tried their best with us and did what they knew as best they could. Regardless they've always been there for us. But that's obviously not the route I want to take with my children. Especially not with my baby! I'm not blaming my parents for what I did. I just wonder if it's why my reaction was impulse?
It's funny I'm the one who does all the reading on Gentle Discipline and my husband who doesn't read any parenting articles or books...he just naturally does what the books that I read say to do. He is just naturally a good AP Dad without even trying. He was also rarely hit or spanked as a child. I wonder. I should talk to my MIL about what their discipline style was.
If anyone has any other good books though on how to re-access the situation and remain calm- I'd happily take your suggestions. I don't want to be that kind of parent. I want Bode to always trust me and feel safe and happy about how we raise him and how we discipline him. I don't want to react out of anger. I want to step back, access the situation and then act responsibly and caring towards him and still show him that he needs to modify his behavior. I know as he gets older and more independent this will just become more of an issue and he will be doing more protests of sorts at times and I want to be prepared and collected and be able to react in a way that I'm proud of.
Bode and I played a little more and then I drew a bath for him. He did really well in his bath. He's not a huge fan. He screamed for every bath until he was about 10 months old. I would have to get into the bath with him and nurse him in order for him to calm down until that point. Now he's better. Much better, but he still hates getting his hair washed. He didn't really cry much, but he was a little pissed about it last nite. Well I got him out of his bath, dried him off and snuggled with him. Then he wanted to nurse right away and I put him off and laid him down to put his dipe and pjs on first. He very loudly protested and in fact kicked me quite hard. I without thinking what I was doing just instinctively slapped his little bare foot. I'm so disappointed in myself. How could I do that? I did even think about it. Immediately after he cried. I think I just took him by surprise and scared him. I feel awful! I apologized profusely and explained to him what happened. But, what was I thinking. Please don't grill me - I feel bad enough already. I would be happy with any suggestions on how to train myself to always be AWARE of my reactions though. I've been reading Adventures in Gentle Discipline and I'm usually very calm and just take a step back when he gets a little testy with me. I don't know why I reacted the way I did though.
It's weird maybe the way I was parented has something to do with it. My parents are not cold heartless people and I wouldn't even say that they are anti AP. However they are old school and they did what their parents did with them. My Dad had a stick for me and my sister. A stick that was about 5 inches wide at the end and skinnier at the base and it was even varnished. It was the spanking stick and when we were "bad" or misbehaved we got spankings. He'd usually just threaten us a couple times and then if we didn't listen we got it. In fact sometimes he'd make us go get the stick ourselves. We'd beg and plead for no spankings, but if we were bad he'd usually follow through. It was especially awful when Sally & I got into trouble together. Cause then one would have to go first and the other would have to just sit there and wait to get your turn. Not fun. Yet, I don't think my parents were that weird for their time. Most other kids in my neighborhood had the same experience-whether it was a stick, a belt or a back hand. I never felt like I was being beaten or taken advantage of. I always felt my parents loved me and cared about me. Please don't get the wrong opinion about my parents. They are weird and they have their issues- but they tried their best with us and did what they knew as best they could. Regardless they've always been there for us. But that's obviously not the route I want to take with my children. Especially not with my baby! I'm not blaming my parents for what I did. I just wonder if it's why my reaction was impulse?
It's funny I'm the one who does all the reading on Gentle Discipline and my husband who doesn't read any parenting articles or books...he just naturally does what the books that I read say to do. He is just naturally a good AP Dad without even trying. He was also rarely hit or spanked as a child. I wonder. I should talk to my MIL about what their discipline style was.
If anyone has any other good books though on how to re-access the situation and remain calm- I'd happily take your suggestions. I don't want to be that kind of parent. I want Bode to always trust me and feel safe and happy about how we raise him and how we discipline him. I don't want to react out of anger. I want to step back, access the situation and then act responsibly and caring towards him and still show him that he needs to modify his behavior. I know as he gets older and more independent this will just become more of an issue and he will be doing more protests of sorts at times and I want to be prepared and collected and be able to react in a way that I'm proud of.