Life is not boring
Once again, I prove my self-destructive nature.
There was this guy in one of the introductory classes I teach. I flirted mercilessly, as I always do. I also keep an eye out for my people at the parties and seemed to keep going back to him to talk week after week. He always greeted me with a big smile and witty repartee.
We ended up exchanging email addresses, then phone numbers, then texting which went up to about 50 exchanges every day. I had to clear out space daily...
But I needed more. I texted him one night that I was eating Cherry Garcia ice cream. He said don't tease him. I asked if he wanted some. After a long pause, he said yes. I told him it wouldn't last and he should come over NOW. He considered a taxi, but I laughed and told him a bus was fine; I needed a few minutes to clean up.
When he got here I immediately started negotiation of bone jumping. He was a little nonplussed but adjusted well. It was glorious. He called me kitten. Sweet, sweet kisses. All problems with anorgasmia vanished. 30 continuous minutes of convulsions proved that :) After the first go-round he kept checking the bus schedule and missing each bus. I asked if he wanted to stay over, He said yes.
I awoke in the middle of the night wrapped in his arms with this strange feeling of peace and contentment.
He seemed somewhat nervous over the next few days. When we saw each other the next Thursday we had a slight discussion about things being too fast. He only said one word during this discussion - "friends?"
After that discussion he brought up a possible reason for the fast connection. We both had training in magic, and the bond snapped into place. Shit. Not something I expected to find at the club, not something I could do much about. Not a connection I knew how to control.
Nothing was defined. When he bought his first flogger he wanted me to be the one to test it on. I arranged for a friend to be there to teach him. We teased each other, me saying it was a nice breeze for a hot day and him touching me intimately then acting like it had been someone else. Uh huh.
I demanded aftercare :) During the cuddling I offered once again for him to come over. He said he needed to recover from being high; I should have patience. Once again, no "no" was uttered. What we had done felt awfully sexual to me.
I offered him a choice in my next text - just talk if he wanted a static relationship, bdsm only if he wanted me to go slower, sex if he wanted it all. The reply said up to and including bdsm. I told him that meant he was still in trouble. Huh? I asked him to explain himself. It took all day to get an unadorned statement that he wanted to be friends. Not an explanation, no "I don't want"s, no information. I seriously needed clarification.
Scary Cindy took over. My texts must have lit the airwaves, Note: definitely not saying this was a reasonable reaction. Not at all.
CALLED him a couple of hours later and gave a lecture on communication, negotiation, boundary issues. He needed to include what he didn't want and a clear adherence to those limits unless renegotiation was called for. Then you talk before going on. Told him I needed to know what was going on in his head; can't work out a delicate and difficult relationship without more knowledge.
No reply for a couple of relationship years (almost 24 hours!), He replied when I said I absolutely needed some feedback if he needed me to wait. Got a reply to wait.
Then I let my craziness out. Started worrying about him and kept texting affirmations, things to remember about expressing boundaries, and words of affection. It was all too much for him. I think I broke his circuits. Finally got a reply - leave me alone.
Was it my failure to stop pushing? Was it my "I love you now go away" syndrome leading me to do the worst possible thing? I haz the mad skillz of Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting.
In any case I succeeded in completely sabotaging myself, driving away someone who truly cared and who wanted to make some kind of relationship work. Someone who would have enriched my life, if I had let him.
Dammit
There was this guy in one of the introductory classes I teach. I flirted mercilessly, as I always do. I also keep an eye out for my people at the parties and seemed to keep going back to him to talk week after week. He always greeted me with a big smile and witty repartee.
We ended up exchanging email addresses, then phone numbers, then texting which went up to about 50 exchanges every day. I had to clear out space daily...
But I needed more. I texted him one night that I was eating Cherry Garcia ice cream. He said don't tease him. I asked if he wanted some. After a long pause, he said yes. I told him it wouldn't last and he should come over NOW. He considered a taxi, but I laughed and told him a bus was fine; I needed a few minutes to clean up.
When he got here I immediately started negotiation of bone jumping. He was a little nonplussed but adjusted well. It was glorious. He called me kitten. Sweet, sweet kisses. All problems with anorgasmia vanished. 30 continuous minutes of convulsions proved that :) After the first go-round he kept checking the bus schedule and missing each bus. I asked if he wanted to stay over, He said yes.
I awoke in the middle of the night wrapped in his arms with this strange feeling of peace and contentment.
He seemed somewhat nervous over the next few days. When we saw each other the next Thursday we had a slight discussion about things being too fast. He only said one word during this discussion - "friends?"
After that discussion he brought up a possible reason for the fast connection. We both had training in magic, and the bond snapped into place. Shit. Not something I expected to find at the club, not something I could do much about. Not a connection I knew how to control.
Nothing was defined. When he bought his first flogger he wanted me to be the one to test it on. I arranged for a friend to be there to teach him. We teased each other, me saying it was a nice breeze for a hot day and him touching me intimately then acting like it had been someone else. Uh huh.
I demanded aftercare :) During the cuddling I offered once again for him to come over. He said he needed to recover from being high; I should have patience. Once again, no "no" was uttered. What we had done felt awfully sexual to me.
I offered him a choice in my next text - just talk if he wanted a static relationship, bdsm only if he wanted me to go slower, sex if he wanted it all. The reply said up to and including bdsm. I told him that meant he was still in trouble. Huh? I asked him to explain himself. It took all day to get an unadorned statement that he wanted to be friends. Not an explanation, no "I don't want"s, no information. I seriously needed clarification.
Scary Cindy took over. My texts must have lit the airwaves, Note: definitely not saying this was a reasonable reaction. Not at all.
CALLED him a couple of hours later and gave a lecture on communication, negotiation, boundary issues. He needed to include what he didn't want and a clear adherence to those limits unless renegotiation was called for. Then you talk before going on. Told him I needed to know what was going on in his head; can't work out a delicate and difficult relationship without more knowledge.
No reply for a couple of relationship years (almost 24 hours!), He replied when I said I absolutely needed some feedback if he needed me to wait. Got a reply to wait.
Then I let my craziness out. Started worrying about him and kept texting affirmations, things to remember about expressing boundaries, and words of affection. It was all too much for him. I think I broke his circuits. Finally got a reply - leave me alone.
Was it my failure to stop pushing? Was it my "I love you now go away" syndrome leading me to do the worst possible thing? I haz the mad skillz of Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting.
In any case I succeeded in completely sabotaging myself, driving away someone who truly cared and who wanted to make some kind of relationship work. Someone who would have enriched my life, if I had let him.
Dammit