so....

[cindy_lou_who8]

I've spent a week debating whether or not I was going to actually write anything, say anything about my silence or how I feel.  I don't even know if I can describe how I feel.  And I certainly don't want to be writing this on my actual real blog since people in my real life will read it and that includes family and it just isn't necessary for them to have to know.

I feel like I've just watched Wilson's Heart, End of Time, Reichenbach, and Doomsday all for the first time and well really how do you quantify something like that?  How do you even put those feelings into words?  I thought this was supposed to get easier, not harder.

I haven't been to the office in 2 weeks. I haven't done any work- not that I actually have a clue about exactly what I am supposed to be doing.  I haven't gone running.  It's hard enough to breathe right now, never mind actually do anything that isn't reading fanfiction or watching old episodes of Dallas or just existing.

I wish I felt things normally instead of so intensely.  I probably would be coping a bit better had it not been for post Reichenbach feels + the one year anniversary smothering me like a shock blanket.  It's exhausting, but it wouldn't be me, if I didn't feel this way.