my sister, cindershadow
hello, my name is susan. i was able to write a note to starwatcher307. my sister was cindershadow. i am very sad, and i miss her very much. if you have any of her emails, or things to send me i would very much like to receive them. was she editing someone's story around the memorial day weekend? she had an overdose of pain meds and i was up
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It wasn't my story she was beta'ing last May, but she did help me with one earlier. She brought up a couple of questions, which led me to amend two parts, and add half-a-dozen extra sentences -- small points, but they made the story just that much richer, and I really appreciated her input.
She wrote --
Hi, Linda!
What a fun start to *my* Spring Break! I very much enjoyed the story, and (not surprisingly) it was virtually error-free and, to my mind, very well put together. The only things I noted: when they are initially fishing, you say that Jim is DOWNstream from Blair so that he won't have to deal with Blair frightening the fish . . . I think you actually want him UPstream. I also wasn't sure about the maple leaves being used in the cooking: would there be wild maple trees in this part of Washington (and if they are Japanese maples, which I have, indeed, seen in Oregon, you might want to double-check: I somehow seem to remember them as being toxic)? I could be completely wrong about this!
(The up/downstream is one of the points I fixed.)
The only other thing that worried me (but probably wouldn't bother most other readers--and may be inevitable) is that they apparently left the horse to fend for herself after (yes! good!) untacking her. I guess in some ways that's better/safer than tying her on a picket line . . . and they really couldn't bring her along, practically speaking . . . and they really don't have anything to create a portable corral out of! So . . . probably it needs to be left as is. I just worry . . .
(and I assured her, "*g* I know, but it really is safest for her, especially since they don't know if she's trained to a picket line. I know if I were in the same situation, I'd figure the owner would rather search for a strayed horse than to find it strangled by getting the rope twisted or something, and fighting it. But I'll have them address that --
>>>. . . "And are you sure we shouldn't tie her to something?"
Jim shrugged. ". . . Tying her up could be dangerous; horses have a positive genius for getting in trouble sometimes. She's tired, and she has grass and water; she won't wander too far. We don't have time to deal with it, anyway; we need to get moving." <<<")
I really like the structure--having the betting bracketing the weekend. And I got a kick out of the hair-splitting that causes Blair to lose--kind of like all those sneaky genies who offer wishes but trick you if you don't phrase it *exactly* right! The nice, relaxed weekend mood was well-established at the start, and the use of Jim's senses during the search was nicely done. I also got a kick out of them being so prepared with the inflatable splint and pain-killers--they've definitely learned from experience!
I'm not sure if this is as sophisticated a beta job as you are used to; I'm great with the comma-adding, but you don't need that, so . . . !
(I responded -- "Actually, this is quite a bit more than I usually get, and I really appreciate it. The questions you raised might occur to other readers; if I can address them, I'll have a better finished 'product'. So thank you so much for your input.")
Thanks for giving me an early peek at this. It was a treat. And I hope it all went well with the house business; I should have had you wave at Texas Tech and my former house while you were there! Try not to make yourself work too hard over the weekend before going back to work (says the woman who has tons of grading and end-of-quarter Progress Reports to complete over her break and thus will no doubt be going crazy *next* weekend). However--no alarm for the next week and lots of sunny days out at the barn . . . because one can work in the evenings, right?--that is, if one can stop reading stories . . .
Love,
Cynthia
= = = = =
Those were the two main letters she wrote me. Most other communication was commenting to the posts in my LJ, or to my comments in other people's LJs. But through it all, her joie de vivre always shone through.
I hope these memories help ease your heart a little. Take care.
StarWatcher
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