last thought of the evening
My final thoughts this evening are how I am wondering if ever I will be given the chance to prove myself. Something happened tonight that I was prepared for. Very much prepared for in fact. But somehow, it's a shocker. And I don't feel very driven right now. I don't feel wanted or needed. I rather feel, very void. I feel like an empty shell that was once cracked open to me thieved, of it's inner earnings. All that is left of everything is the ivory outings with very thin cuts. The thinner the cuts, the more pain seems to endure. Maybe this is why it hurts so much. Because the cut was very thin and expected. I don't know if I can expect much anymore because my day feels so very far away. For everything in fact. Everything I want in life is far away. Everyone around me knows it now, but I... I will be a long time waiting. My past is not far ahead of me, my future is far behind me, and I stand here still in the darkened stage unknowing of what my next move is. I am still waiting for the light, still waiting for the cue. And they... they are all happy and ahead.