Title: before the dawn
So I figured that (however much of a failure I've been with writing this year) I should end the year with a story. This is the final project I did for my English class. Smaltzy, of course, and about 1700 words. Original Fic. Go figure. ;) But, in the end, I was actually quite proud of it. My professor says I need to work on setting but my characterization is "excellent"? What do you guys think?
summary: "The part of her that expected the least from herself just wondered how she could make it six whole weeks to muck things up." Everything changes.
The bitter part in the back of Lilly’s mind said that it was inevitable. That happiness wasn’t something she expected out of the whole thing. The part of her that expected the least from herself just wondered how she could make it six whole weeks to muck things up.
“I don’t even know why I’m here anymore!” Luc’s face was bright red and angry and Lilly’s mirrored it, save for the fat red tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Well then, maybe you should just go.” She knew she didn’t mean it, even as she said it but she wasn’t one to back down from the fight. She felt frozen, except her entire body buzzed with energy.
He frowned in apparent hesitation; a moment later he turned on his heels and stormed out of the living room. She waited till she heard the garage door stop and walked a few steps over to the couch to curl up and cry. She was hormonal, mostly, and the fight was stupid. She couldn’t even remember where it started, but fuck she knew how it ended. It figured, really, she had known how stupid everything was. How stupid she was being. It was only a matter of time before he would have had no choice but to leave. color:#333333">
She probably would have stayed there indefinitely feeling miserable if it wasn’t for Jackson’s distant screams. On instinct more than anything she walked up the stairs and found her son with a bright red face, crying in the way that Luc joked meant ‘ARE YOU CRAZY, MOMMA? FEED ME!’ (He had names for all of Jackson’s cries, but she wasn’t going to think of that right then.)color:#333333">
“Sorry Jacks, so sorry.” She felt stupid for crying with him, but it wasn’t the first time. She sat back on the rocking chair and situated him carefully under her arm; Jackson stopped crying the second he started to eat.color:#333333"> "Your mommy is such a fuck up, sorry baby boy. So so sorry."
The rational part of her brain knew that she needed to leave. Even if just for a few days, it wasn’t healthy to be fighting like this with Luc and that was almost all they had been doing for the last few days. She wasn’t being fair to him or herself. color:#333333">
When he still hadn’t come back when Jacks had fallen asleep, she put him in his car seat and packed her bags while calling Southwest Airlines. She almost didn’t leave a note but felt that was just pettiness, instead left a post it on the door in from the garage. color:#333333">
Going to my mom’s for a while. Will text when safe. I’m sorry.
She somehow stopped crying before she got to the airport, exhaustion mixing with her general fear of flying. Jackson somehow stayed quiet through take off and made it almost all the way through the two and a hour flight before he started to scream like a banshee (the “Hey, this sucks! CHANGE ME MOMMA!” scream this time). For a six week old, he was supernaturally good at flying.color:#333333">
It took till the plane landed for the doubts to start creeping in. She turned her phone on for just long enough to send Luc a text of “Here” before she shut it off. She navigated the airport and was totally thankful she didn’t pack enough to require going into the mess that was the baggage claim with Jackson (who had decided the airport needed to hear him scream belligerently). She had to feed him when she got into the taxi out front, and she almost sprung for a limo for the privacy but realized how lame she would look pulling out front her mom’s condo in a limo. color:#333333">
Out of habit she opened the garage door with the code and walked straight into the kitchen. Her mother was on the phone and turned when her bulldog, Grey, started barking at the door. color:#333333">
“What the-“ she frowned. “Sheryl? I am going to have to call you back.”color:#333333">
Jackson cried, Grey barked, and Lilly just let out the most pitiful sob that she had in her. Her mom hushed Grey and knocked her away from the baby seat, grabbed at her grandson and led her daughter into the living room. It was weird, eight years since she had lived there but the space felt comfortable in a way she couldn’t explain. The miss matched furniture, the family photos, the low ceilings that even made her five foot five feel almost too high. By the time she reached the couch Lilly was spilling out everything. color:#333333">
“I am such an idiot… I just. I couldn’t take it? We kept fighting, about everything. And he said he didn’t know why he was still there and… why would he say that? He doesn’t want to be with me, and its all my fault. I am such a shrew sometimes…”
Her mom frowned and made a clicking noise. “Baby girl, what have I said about that kind of talk? It takes two to fight, and you know it. You are both exhausted, stressed out and hormonal. You shouldn’t have just left.” color:#333333">
“Momma, he WANTED me to leave,” Lilly insisted. “He just left, why would he do that? He wanted me to leave… I know it.” color:#333333">
“Has Jackson eaten recently?” color:#333333">
Lilly frowned at the non-sequiter. “I fed him in the taxi.” color:#333333">
“Go upstairs, go to sleep.” She shoved at her daughter. “This will seem a whole lot less like the end of the world with some sleep.” color:#333333">
“What if he…?” she started. color:#333333">
Her mom glared. “You think I don’t know what he wants? You survived your childhood. And you will be upstairs, not on Mars, go.” color:#333333">
Lilly didn’t think that she was going to sleep but she could definitely use a few minutes to wallow with out her mom’s insistence on logic. She trudged up the stairs slowly. Her room was no longer her own, too long since she’d lived there. The room was a guest room with a tucked away nursery in the corner.
Convenient, she thought miserably.
She walked the few feet and fell face first onto the comforter of her bed. She had a half a second to think about how she should probably get under the covers but that was the last thought she had. The next thing she heard was a doorbell and her eyes flickered open to a far darker bedroom. color:#333333">
Through the open door she heard Grey bark, Jackson make a mewling cry and her mom’s voice above it all. “Took you long enough.” color:#333333">
She stumbled to her feet, the ache in her chest reminded her it was beyond time to feed Jackson. When she made it out the door she saw Luc at the base of the stairs with a huge bouquet of lilies and Jackson curled against his chest. He paused when he saw her. color:#333333">
“Hey.”
When her mouth opened her voice was just a bit louder than she expected. “What are you doing here?” color:#333333">
“Lillian,” her mom chastised. She was holding a wiggling Grey in one hand and when Lilly glared at her she rolled her eyes and grabbed the flowers out of Luc’s hands with the other. She not so subtly nudged him towards the stairs. “I will go put these in water.”color:#333333">
He walked awkwardly up the stairs, Jackson seemed to have realized just how hungry he was and was screaming it quite loudly. When he reached the top he had to hand over the wriggling boy, but kind of softly joked, “What are you thinking, momma? Feeeed me.” color:#333333">
And she doesn’t want to smile, damn it, but she does. She turned around though, when she did it, and walked back into her bedroom. She eased herself into the rocking chair that had been her comfort spot since she could remember and sat down to feed her son. color:#333333">
She wasn’t surprised when Luc walked in a minute behind her and tentatively sat down on the edge of the bed. She tried not to look up at him, but failed miserably and when their eyes met she knew she was pretty much toast.color:#333333">
“I’m sorry,” she tried, and her voice was watery. “I don’t even know what the hell is wrong with me.” color:#333333">
Luc moved to sit cross-legged in front of her. “Don’t. Just… don’t. It wasn’t your fault and there is nothing wrong. Just… you got to promise me something, okay?”color:#333333">
And he took her hand and kind of rubbed the back of it with his thumb and she was pretty sure she would promise him just about anything. “What?”color:#333333">
“Don’t leave,” he breathed, staring intently at the top of Jackson’s head. “Coming home and seeing you gone… I can’t take that. Okay? Be mad all you want. Yell, scream and holler, feel free. Just don’t do that again. I can’t deal with it.”color:#333333">
She finally had tears stream down her face, which was a relief after they had been threatening for hours. “You left first, you know.” color:#333333">
“I promise to never ever ever do that again.” color:#333333">
She nodded, Jackson finished and she lifted him up to her shoulder, letting out a laugh at how weird it was to be having that serious of a conversation with him between them. color:#333333">
“Hate to break up this party,” her mom walked in and Lilly felt kind of like she was a teenager getting caught making out all over again when she had to pull her bra back up. color:#333333">
“Mom,” she groaned. “Could you just…?” color:#333333">
Her mom shook her head. “It’s Wednesday. I have a date with my grandson and Law and Order reruns. You kids get out of here.” color:#333333">
“It’s Wednesday?” Lilly asked dumbly. color:#333333">
“Okay, you definitely need to get out of here now,” her mom clucked. “Get some food, don’t come back till the morning. I have formula and you need sleep.”color:#333333">
Luc looked at his wife with a half smile. “What do you say?”
“I say we make a break for it before she realizes what she is offering.”color:#333333">
He slipped his hand into hers and smiled as she handed Jackson over.
This entry was originally posted at http://cinderlily.dreamwidth.org/778026.html . Please comment either place.
summary: "The part of her that expected the least from herself just wondered how she could make it six whole weeks to muck things up." Everything changes.
The bitter part in the back of Lilly’s mind said that it was inevitable. That happiness wasn’t something she expected out of the whole thing. The part of her that expected the least from herself just wondered how she could make it six whole weeks to muck things up.
“I don’t even know why I’m here anymore!” Luc’s face was bright red and angry and Lilly’s mirrored it, save for the fat red tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Well then, maybe you should just go.” She knew she didn’t mean it, even as she said it but she wasn’t one to back down from the fight. She felt frozen, except her entire body buzzed with energy.
He frowned in apparent hesitation; a moment later he turned on his heels and stormed out of the living room. She waited till she heard the garage door stop and walked a few steps over to the couch to curl up and cry. She was hormonal, mostly, and the fight was stupid. She couldn’t even remember where it started, but fuck she knew how it ended. It figured, really, she had known how stupid everything was. How stupid she was being. It was only a matter of time before he would have had no choice but to leave. color:#333333">
She probably would have stayed there indefinitely feeling miserable if it wasn’t for Jackson’s distant screams. On instinct more than anything she walked up the stairs and found her son with a bright red face, crying in the way that Luc joked meant ‘ARE YOU CRAZY, MOMMA? FEED ME!’ (He had names for all of Jackson’s cries, but she wasn’t going to think of that right then.)color:#333333">
“Sorry Jacks, so sorry.” She felt stupid for crying with him, but it wasn’t the first time. She sat back on the rocking chair and situated him carefully under her arm; Jackson stopped crying the second he started to eat.color:#333333"> "Your mommy is such a fuck up, sorry baby boy. So so sorry."
The rational part of her brain knew that she needed to leave. Even if just for a few days, it wasn’t healthy to be fighting like this with Luc and that was almost all they had been doing for the last few days. She wasn’t being fair to him or herself. color:#333333">
When he still hadn’t come back when Jacks had fallen asleep, she put him in his car seat and packed her bags while calling Southwest Airlines. She almost didn’t leave a note but felt that was just pettiness, instead left a post it on the door in from the garage. color:#333333">
Going to my mom’s for a while. Will text when safe. I’m sorry.
She somehow stopped crying before she got to the airport, exhaustion mixing with her general fear of flying. Jackson somehow stayed quiet through take off and made it almost all the way through the two and a hour flight before he started to scream like a banshee (the “Hey, this sucks! CHANGE ME MOMMA!” scream this time). For a six week old, he was supernaturally good at flying.color:#333333">
It took till the plane landed for the doubts to start creeping in. She turned her phone on for just long enough to send Luc a text of “Here” before she shut it off. She navigated the airport and was totally thankful she didn’t pack enough to require going into the mess that was the baggage claim with Jackson (who had decided the airport needed to hear him scream belligerently). She had to feed him when she got into the taxi out front, and she almost sprung for a limo for the privacy but realized how lame she would look pulling out front her mom’s condo in a limo. color:#333333">
Out of habit she opened the garage door with the code and walked straight into the kitchen. Her mother was on the phone and turned when her bulldog, Grey, started barking at the door. color:#333333">
“What the-“ she frowned. “Sheryl? I am going to have to call you back.”color:#333333">
Jackson cried, Grey barked, and Lilly just let out the most pitiful sob that she had in her. Her mom hushed Grey and knocked her away from the baby seat, grabbed at her grandson and led her daughter into the living room. It was weird, eight years since she had lived there but the space felt comfortable in a way she couldn’t explain. The miss matched furniture, the family photos, the low ceilings that even made her five foot five feel almost too high. By the time she reached the couch Lilly was spilling out everything. color:#333333">
“I am such an idiot… I just. I couldn’t take it? We kept fighting, about everything. And he said he didn’t know why he was still there and… why would he say that? He doesn’t want to be with me, and its all my fault. I am such a shrew sometimes…”
Her mom frowned and made a clicking noise. “Baby girl, what have I said about that kind of talk? It takes two to fight, and you know it. You are both exhausted, stressed out and hormonal. You shouldn’t have just left.” color:#333333">
“Momma, he WANTED me to leave,” Lilly insisted. “He just left, why would he do that? He wanted me to leave… I know it.” color:#333333">
“Has Jackson eaten recently?” color:#333333">
Lilly frowned at the non-sequiter. “I fed him in the taxi.” color:#333333">
“Go upstairs, go to sleep.” She shoved at her daughter. “This will seem a whole lot less like the end of the world with some sleep.” color:#333333">
“What if he…?” she started. color:#333333">
Her mom glared. “You think I don’t know what he wants? You survived your childhood. And you will be upstairs, not on Mars, go.” color:#333333">
Lilly didn’t think that she was going to sleep but she could definitely use a few minutes to wallow with out her mom’s insistence on logic. She trudged up the stairs slowly. Her room was no longer her own, too long since she’d lived there. The room was a guest room with a tucked away nursery in the corner.
Convenient, she thought miserably.
She walked the few feet and fell face first onto the comforter of her bed. She had a half a second to think about how she should probably get under the covers but that was the last thought she had. The next thing she heard was a doorbell and her eyes flickered open to a far darker bedroom. color:#333333">
Through the open door she heard Grey bark, Jackson make a mewling cry and her mom’s voice above it all. “Took you long enough.” color:#333333">
She stumbled to her feet, the ache in her chest reminded her it was beyond time to feed Jackson. When she made it out the door she saw Luc at the base of the stairs with a huge bouquet of lilies and Jackson curled against his chest. He paused when he saw her. color:#333333">
“Hey.”
When her mouth opened her voice was just a bit louder than she expected. “What are you doing here?” color:#333333">
“Lillian,” her mom chastised. She was holding a wiggling Grey in one hand and when Lilly glared at her she rolled her eyes and grabbed the flowers out of Luc’s hands with the other. She not so subtly nudged him towards the stairs. “I will go put these in water.”color:#333333">
He walked awkwardly up the stairs, Jackson seemed to have realized just how hungry he was and was screaming it quite loudly. When he reached the top he had to hand over the wriggling boy, but kind of softly joked, “What are you thinking, momma? Feeeed me.” color:#333333">
And she doesn’t want to smile, damn it, but she does. She turned around though, when she did it, and walked back into her bedroom. She eased herself into the rocking chair that had been her comfort spot since she could remember and sat down to feed her son. color:#333333">
She wasn’t surprised when Luc walked in a minute behind her and tentatively sat down on the edge of the bed. She tried not to look up at him, but failed miserably and when their eyes met she knew she was pretty much toast.color:#333333">
“I’m sorry,” she tried, and her voice was watery. “I don’t even know what the hell is wrong with me.” color:#333333">
Luc moved to sit cross-legged in front of her. “Don’t. Just… don’t. It wasn’t your fault and there is nothing wrong. Just… you got to promise me something, okay?”color:#333333">
And he took her hand and kind of rubbed the back of it with his thumb and she was pretty sure she would promise him just about anything. “What?”color:#333333">
“Don’t leave,” he breathed, staring intently at the top of Jackson’s head. “Coming home and seeing you gone… I can’t take that. Okay? Be mad all you want. Yell, scream and holler, feel free. Just don’t do that again. I can’t deal with it.”color:#333333">
She finally had tears stream down her face, which was a relief after they had been threatening for hours. “You left first, you know.” color:#333333">
“I promise to never ever ever do that again.” color:#333333">
She nodded, Jackson finished and she lifted him up to her shoulder, letting out a laugh at how weird it was to be having that serious of a conversation with him between them. color:#333333">
“Hate to break up this party,” her mom walked in and Lilly felt kind of like she was a teenager getting caught making out all over again when she had to pull her bra back up. color:#333333">
“Mom,” she groaned. “Could you just…?” color:#333333">
Her mom shook her head. “It’s Wednesday. I have a date with my grandson and Law and Order reruns. You kids get out of here.” color:#333333">
“It’s Wednesday?” Lilly asked dumbly. color:#333333">
“Okay, you definitely need to get out of here now,” her mom clucked. “Get some food, don’t come back till the morning. I have formula and you need sleep.”color:#333333">
Luc looked at his wife with a half smile. “What do you say?”
“I say we make a break for it before she realizes what she is offering.”color:#333333">
He slipped his hand into hers and smiled as she handed Jackson over.
This entry was originally posted at http://cinderlily.dreamwidth.org/778026.html . Please comment either place.