meh
According to weather.com it is 106 degrees outside. I forget how absolutely overwhelming heat is. You would think after 20 years of living here I would get used to it and know how to handle it but I genuinely forget every single year.
Today? It got to 109, and all of the kids must have been given fucking meth this morning because all of them were absolutely crazy. Bounce off the walls, not listen, biting, kicking, temper tantrum full on freak outs. And I just couldn't handle it. I love my kids, I love my kids very very much but I couldn't handle it. I was so freaking upset and angry that I almost just walked out. And my coworkers were NOT working today, so it was just me + 14 kids. I left basically shaking with anger, walked out side and it was so hot and my body hurt and I just... wow. I got home, and started crying. I am so tired, and hot, and thirsty and broke and annoyed. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. The fact that I truly resent my job right now is probably not happy.
My mom called and asked me if i coudl come over at 8 in the morning to watch for the Qwest guy and I was really mean to her about it. I feel horrible, but I was just so not in the mood to handle it. She is being amazing though, and basically paying me to come over. Which makes me feel like a bitchy daughter, but I can't fight it. I am working for things that are important to me, things that mean something to me, and so I am trying to get more work in wherever possible.
I am going to go drink a lot of water, curl up and listen to David Hewlett on digitalproductionbuzz.com. The airconditioning is up to inordinately high levels. I know it is going to cost me a lot but it saves my sanity.
Today? It got to 109, and all of the kids must have been given fucking meth this morning because all of them were absolutely crazy. Bounce off the walls, not listen, biting, kicking, temper tantrum full on freak outs. And I just couldn't handle it. I love my kids, I love my kids very very much but I couldn't handle it. I was so freaking upset and angry that I almost just walked out. And my coworkers were NOT working today, so it was just me + 14 kids. I left basically shaking with anger, walked out side and it was so hot and my body hurt and I just... wow. I got home, and started crying. I am so tired, and hot, and thirsty and broke and annoyed. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. The fact that I truly resent my job right now is probably not happy.
My mom called and asked me if i coudl come over at 8 in the morning to watch for the Qwest guy and I was really mean to her about it. I feel horrible, but I was just so not in the mood to handle it. She is being amazing though, and basically paying me to come over. Which makes me feel like a bitchy daughter, but I can't fight it. I am working for things that are important to me, things that mean something to me, and so I am trying to get more work in wherever possible.
I am going to go drink a lot of water, curl up and listen to David Hewlett on digitalproductionbuzz.com. The airconditioning is up to inordinately high levels. I know it is going to cost me a lot but it saves my sanity.