(no subject)
So it's been a few days since she's died. I find it's hard for me to live here now. I walk out of the house and there is no one next door. I see the porch and no that shes not out side smoking. And then I start to cry. I have to walk by that door for another month. I so just want to move now.
Stephen and Jeff were over last night for him to get his cake and cookies I made for Jeffs birthday. Then they played Halo with Thomas and I felt at peace. Last night as I was going to sleep I had this feeling that everything was going to be okay, and that this was what God had planned in some weird way.
To keep my mind off being alone today I'm going to focus on packing and getting things ready. Then I have an 11 hour day tomorrow, followed by a friday of work. Then the funeral is on Saturday.
Thomas and I are taking the boys out on Sunday so they are just not sitting around thinking about it. It's going to be a whole day of just being with them. It seems to make me feel better when I can be with them.
Also Stephens aunt came by last night after they moved the couch. She thanked us for all the love and support that we were giving the boys.
I just looked out my porch door and saw that I have sunflowers growing just out side now. They didn't grow there last year. It's almost seems like a thank you present for watching the boys. I told Stephen the other day that now our mom could be together and be friends.
Maybe that's the hardest part of this. Jan was only 49. She lived two years longer then my mom. I keep thinking about how I'm kind if glad that I went though this before. I was there for Thomas when Grandma died and now I can be there for Stephen with his mom. Life has a funny way of coming full circle sometimes.