One Of The Reasons I Can't Get You Out Of My Mind
I hate my love life. It's so confusing. Why can't I just find something that makes complete sense? It's either the guy is too far, too busy, too immmature et cetera. The list of things wrong goes on forever. I keep hoping and holding out for what I want. But most of the time when I think I've found what I want, something shatters the illusion. I hate this. Whatever. I'm going to try not to concentrate too much on this. I'm used to being alone. I'm in no rush to be in a relationship. It just gets lonely sometimes. And tiresome. I get tired of how unsubstantial things are. Of trying to form a bond. And I couldn't be with the one that doing so seemed so easy with. Fuck him. He's confusing...
Last night I talked to Andrew. First time in a few weeks. Told him everything I thought about whatever we had. How I really felt while everything happened. He apologized for the way he acted and the negative effect he had on my life. I'm over it. Actually.. I'm not completely over it. He acted crazy and forced me to be with him. Would make me feel guilty for trying to dump him. He'd tell me to be honest about if I wanted to end things. And when I was, he couldn't handle it. I just let things happen because eventually I got tired of trying to fight my way out of it. Probably the stupidest "relationship" I've ever been in. And that's saying something because my marriage was a total joke.
I just want to be happy. I'm gradually fixing everything else. And knowing that feels really good. I just know that there's something missing. I used to be super happy around this time last year. Ecstatic happy. And I'm not right now. This shit sucks and needs to be fixed. Because I deserve to be happy. After everything I've been through, I need this.
-Me
Last night I talked to Andrew. First time in a few weeks. Told him everything I thought about whatever we had. How I really felt while everything happened. He apologized for the way he acted and the negative effect he had on my life. I'm over it. Actually.. I'm not completely over it. He acted crazy and forced me to be with him. Would make me feel guilty for trying to dump him. He'd tell me to be honest about if I wanted to end things. And when I was, he couldn't handle it. I just let things happen because eventually I got tired of trying to fight my way out of it. Probably the stupidest "relationship" I've ever been in. And that's saying something because my marriage was a total joke.
I just want to be happy. I'm gradually fixing everything else. And knowing that feels really good. I just know that there's something missing. I used to be super happy around this time last year. Ecstatic happy. And I'm not right now. This shit sucks and needs to be fixed. Because I deserve to be happy. After everything I've been through, I need this.
-Me