Tell me nothing else would do.
Oof. See, I procrastinate. Its not even that I just procrastinate on homework things, I just come to the conclusion that I need to listen to one song before bed, which turns into me boofing about the computer or something. Anywho, I know its late, and this is irrelevant, and I should be sleeping, but I feel the need to say this.
Alright, so I was boofing about the computer as I said, and I stumbled upon this chilluns livejournal. I guess he is a senior this year, in marching band, harbors true taste, seems honestly into music and culture, and lives in faraway places. Anywho, he was talking about how he felt about band this, his last, year of it. I don't even know how to paraphrase it. He just spoke of how, despite the bad it could make him feel, looking back it was where he made all of his best high school friends, and even though things changed a lot, he would always think of band when he thought of school, and how it was completely worth it, even though people don't understand that, and how no one could really understand what band is unless they are in it. I didn't just find that interesting because I speak of band often, it just made me feel..complete and empty, all at the same time. See, I was also looking up lyrics, not on songmeanings, and some lady talked of how whenever she heard this one Tegan and Sara song she cried, because she used to listen to it at camp all the time. And though the comment was iffy in nature, it gave me the same feeling the other did. I could understand her feelings. There is a part in the song that says, "so you don’t you worry there’s still time." I can just imagine that being powerful. Bwah. What I am attempting, but failing, to say, is that thats what I like about the internet. You can hear random, seemingly irrelevant tales, but it is probably far more true to true current American culture compared to what we hear in that silly news of ours. This isn't meant to be a liberal rant, either. What I'm saying is, all those things made me feel complete and empty. This is because I think, to a certain extent, everybody, (well, at least people in similar social circles) has a version of the same high school experience. I don't say that to belittle anything, I say that because it makes me feel connected. It makes me feel less alone. I know those are all cliche feelings. I don't know. I always wonder what Farmington was like 20 years ago, who was there, what all the programs were like compared to the current ones and the such, and honestly, they probably wern't that different. We could have met some of those people and gotten along fine. We could have felt things together. I don't know. I was stumbling on Word again, looking for another old document, and I saw a title I didn't recognize, so I clicked on it, and it was a Lauren-Sam conversation, and I didn't read much, but what I did seemed familar. I don't know, high school is so fickle. It's dumb, most people completely give into things, and everybody rushes to grow up, drink and the such. I know not everyone does, and I try to keep that perspective. But at the same time, things are never going to be more simple than this. That gives me heavy boots. Nothing. Nothing is going to be more simple. People are only going to continue to fake it, have more sex, complications are always escalating. And while I'm sure I will prefer my college experience to that of my high school one, I can't help but think that one day I am going to look back and completely miss every insignificant moment of this. I don't know. I hear my parents talk about kids in their high schools, and the truth is when senior year is done I very well may lose touch with over half of the people that are currently in my life. For the most part, I will probably be okay with that, and the ones I am truly close with things are different for. But this is the last time we are in grades. We are all on the same track. High school is by no means great, but it offers an innocent unity, and I have a begrudging respect for that.
So perhaps I should have slept instead of writing that nothingness. I am aware it makes little to no sense, but its such a feeling that I don't even know how to begin to verbalize it. I just wanted to record it.
Alright, so I was boofing about the computer as I said, and I stumbled upon this chilluns livejournal. I guess he is a senior this year, in marching band, harbors true taste, seems honestly into music and culture, and lives in faraway places. Anywho, he was talking about how he felt about band this, his last, year of it. I don't even know how to paraphrase it. He just spoke of how, despite the bad it could make him feel, looking back it was where he made all of his best high school friends, and even though things changed a lot, he would always think of band when he thought of school, and how it was completely worth it, even though people don't understand that, and how no one could really understand what band is unless they are in it. I didn't just find that interesting because I speak of band often, it just made me feel..complete and empty, all at the same time. See, I was also looking up lyrics, not on songmeanings, and some lady talked of how whenever she heard this one Tegan and Sara song she cried, because she used to listen to it at camp all the time. And though the comment was iffy in nature, it gave me the same feeling the other did. I could understand her feelings. There is a part in the song that says, "so you don’t you worry there’s still time." I can just imagine that being powerful. Bwah. What I am attempting, but failing, to say, is that thats what I like about the internet. You can hear random, seemingly irrelevant tales, but it is probably far more true to true current American culture compared to what we hear in that silly news of ours. This isn't meant to be a liberal rant, either. What I'm saying is, all those things made me feel complete and empty. This is because I think, to a certain extent, everybody, (well, at least people in similar social circles) has a version of the same high school experience. I don't say that to belittle anything, I say that because it makes me feel connected. It makes me feel less alone. I know those are all cliche feelings. I don't know. I always wonder what Farmington was like 20 years ago, who was there, what all the programs were like compared to the current ones and the such, and honestly, they probably wern't that different. We could have met some of those people and gotten along fine. We could have felt things together. I don't know. I was stumbling on Word again, looking for another old document, and I saw a title I didn't recognize, so I clicked on it, and it was a Lauren-Sam conversation, and I didn't read much, but what I did seemed familar. I don't know, high school is so fickle. It's dumb, most people completely give into things, and everybody rushes to grow up, drink and the such. I know not everyone does, and I try to keep that perspective. But at the same time, things are never going to be more simple than this. That gives me heavy boots. Nothing. Nothing is going to be more simple. People are only going to continue to fake it, have more sex, complications are always escalating. And while I'm sure I will prefer my college experience to that of my high school one, I can't help but think that one day I am going to look back and completely miss every insignificant moment of this. I don't know. I hear my parents talk about kids in their high schools, and the truth is when senior year is done I very well may lose touch with over half of the people that are currently in my life. For the most part, I will probably be okay with that, and the ones I am truly close with things are different for. But this is the last time we are in grades. We are all on the same track. High school is by no means great, but it offers an innocent unity, and I have a begrudging respect for that.
So perhaps I should have slept instead of writing that nothingness. I am aware it makes little to no sense, but its such a feeling that I don't even know how to begin to verbalize it. I just wanted to record it.