the rule of three?
It is really upsetting when you stop and realize how different your life has become. I used to be fun, i used to be outgoing and pretty much happy for the majority of the time. i used to go out and see my friends every day every night and never get tired. now who the fuck am i?
i never see anyone. the only people i see are coworkers, and i love them, i really do but where have all my friends gone? i feel like i am this horrible person who doesnt keep in touch with people, but at the same time it works both ways. i know what my excuse is, im busy with work and school and any free time is spent by myself usually sleeping because i am always exhausted. am i just that unmissable? i know how upset i have been lately and its mostly because i havent had the comfort of my friends. i miss everyone, i havent been myself and i feel like i am losing so many people in my life and its starting to really depress me.
yesterday was such a horrible day. yesterday would have been my friends birthday had he not died 2 years ago. it really doent get easier to let the day just go by without thinking about everything. i tried to deal with the day by relaxing and getting my mind off of it but it just got worse. ross called me from EJ hospital. his sister was having complications with her pregnancy and they were keeping her in case they had to do an emergency c-section. she isnt due for another month , and i would be devestated if anything happened to megan or her baby mignon. THEN, i called my mom to talk to her about megan and she decides to tell me some more wonderful news. this weekend larry's dad had to go to the VA hospital in biloxi for what they thought was a stroke. i was supposed to go visit him on sunday but didnt. well, turns out they found out yesterday that it wasn't a stroke, but his cancer is no longer in remission....they found tumors in his spleen and prostate, 2 in his spine, meaning it has spread to his bones and is incurable, they also found lesions in his brain and they give him less than a month. larry is devestated, ive never seen him like this and my mom is having a hard time too. i feel so guilty for not going to see him on sunday, by the time i get to see him it could be too late.
im down. i have been for a while now. i need a change. i kinda wanna just dissappear.
i never see anyone. the only people i see are coworkers, and i love them, i really do but where have all my friends gone? i feel like i am this horrible person who doesnt keep in touch with people, but at the same time it works both ways. i know what my excuse is, im busy with work and school and any free time is spent by myself usually sleeping because i am always exhausted. am i just that unmissable? i know how upset i have been lately and its mostly because i havent had the comfort of my friends. i miss everyone, i havent been myself and i feel like i am losing so many people in my life and its starting to really depress me.
yesterday was such a horrible day. yesterday would have been my friends birthday had he not died 2 years ago. it really doent get easier to let the day just go by without thinking about everything. i tried to deal with the day by relaxing and getting my mind off of it but it just got worse. ross called me from EJ hospital. his sister was having complications with her pregnancy and they were keeping her in case they had to do an emergency c-section. she isnt due for another month , and i would be devestated if anything happened to megan or her baby mignon. THEN, i called my mom to talk to her about megan and she decides to tell me some more wonderful news. this weekend larry's dad had to go to the VA hospital in biloxi for what they thought was a stroke. i was supposed to go visit him on sunday but didnt. well, turns out they found out yesterday that it wasn't a stroke, but his cancer is no longer in remission....they found tumors in his spleen and prostate, 2 in his spine, meaning it has spread to his bones and is incurable, they also found lesions in his brain and they give him less than a month. larry is devestated, ive never seen him like this and my mom is having a hard time too. i feel so guilty for not going to see him on sunday, by the time i get to see him it could be too late.
im down. i have been for a while now. i need a change. i kinda wanna just dissappear.