out of control...
heads up guys...this is going to be a long one, there's a lot on my mind.
so i feel like i have been having soooo much fun lately. not being in school has been good to me in so many ways, but then again, i feel like this entire year has been wasted away. now that i don't have class i work waaaaay too much. i work about 10 shifts a week and it's really starting to take it's toll on me, my body and my sanity. you never realize how many awful people there are until you are forced to wait on them. married men hitting on me...assholes treating me like worthless shit...people making me feel invisible...and constantly being degraded...you'd think i worked at hooters or something i swear.
this summer is so up in the air. i thought i was going to have an internship with Where Y'at magazine, but now things seem to be falling through. I am going to be taking some Independent Studies classes so i can catch up on atleast a few hours. But i don't know what i want to do with my life. should i stay in BR and do these classes and work and yadda yadda be boring? or should i come to nola? i can do my classes there, i suppose i could find a summer job, and we'll wait to see about the internship. also my brother and i are planning a vacation. we are going fly to seattle and take a month to drive down the west coast and see all the sights. i am HELLA excited about this, but then again, my school/work/intern plans are all a factor. i just want to KNOW my plans...but then again just flying by the seat of my pants is pretty fun.
i miss my brother so much. this vacay with him is exactly what i need. he's my best friend and i can't imagine hanging out on the beaches of Cali with anyone else. well, i could, but being with him will be SAWEET! i also really need to get the hell out of here for a while. these past few months have been so overwhelming. all my medical shit, my health shit, my addictions and disorders, school, relationships...i need to get the fuck away before i REALLY go crazy!!!! i am tired of seeing my social worker and all these appointments on a weekly basis. all this shit just makes me want to cut someone.
i need to chill out too. i have been getting drunk way too frequently. it used to just be a fun occasional thing, and now i crave a drink hourly. is that bad? well, since i feel like i have no control over most of the things in my life, i guess the way i treat my body is the one thing i do have control over...thus my constant problems. i've just been really sad lately for lots of different reasons, and as common in my family i like to drink to get happy. but then HOSS McSaucy comes out (thats who i become when im drunk in case you haven't been introduced).
i need some changes in my life...i'm tired of trying and pretending to be happy...i want to ACTUALLY BE happy...and i miss so many things...i miss last summer (aka Nick's)...what can i do to make things simpler for myself huh? ok, i'm done...i could go on...but thats enough for now...sorry
so i feel like i have been having soooo much fun lately. not being in school has been good to me in so many ways, but then again, i feel like this entire year has been wasted away. now that i don't have class i work waaaaay too much. i work about 10 shifts a week and it's really starting to take it's toll on me, my body and my sanity. you never realize how many awful people there are until you are forced to wait on them. married men hitting on me...assholes treating me like worthless shit...people making me feel invisible...and constantly being degraded...you'd think i worked at hooters or something i swear.
this summer is so up in the air. i thought i was going to have an internship with Where Y'at magazine, but now things seem to be falling through. I am going to be taking some Independent Studies classes so i can catch up on atleast a few hours. But i don't know what i want to do with my life. should i stay in BR and do these classes and work and yadda yadda be boring? or should i come to nola? i can do my classes there, i suppose i could find a summer job, and we'll wait to see about the internship. also my brother and i are planning a vacation. we are going fly to seattle and take a month to drive down the west coast and see all the sights. i am HELLA excited about this, but then again, my school/work/intern plans are all a factor. i just want to KNOW my plans...but then again just flying by the seat of my pants is pretty fun.
i miss my brother so much. this vacay with him is exactly what i need. he's my best friend and i can't imagine hanging out on the beaches of Cali with anyone else. well, i could, but being with him will be SAWEET! i also really need to get the hell out of here for a while. these past few months have been so overwhelming. all my medical shit, my health shit, my addictions and disorders, school, relationships...i need to get the fuck away before i REALLY go crazy!!!! i am tired of seeing my social worker and all these appointments on a weekly basis. all this shit just makes me want to cut someone.
i need to chill out too. i have been getting drunk way too frequently. it used to just be a fun occasional thing, and now i crave a drink hourly. is that bad? well, since i feel like i have no control over most of the things in my life, i guess the way i treat my body is the one thing i do have control over...thus my constant problems. i've just been really sad lately for lots of different reasons, and as common in my family i like to drink to get happy. but then HOSS McSaucy comes out (thats who i become when im drunk in case you haven't been introduced).
i need some changes in my life...i'm tired of trying and pretending to be happy...i want to ACTUALLY BE happy...and i miss so many things...i miss last summer (aka Nick's)...what can i do to make things simpler for myself huh? ok, i'm done...i could go on...but thats enough for now...sorry