I hate the world.
Bleh.
So. Most of last week and the beginning of this one squandered in a semi-depressed malaise. Partially because things were not going well at school - severely bombed (for me) a Japanese test, as I did not at all understand one of the important verb forms covered. Having to re-learn this as well as the things missed in aforementioned malaise did not improve my mood. Partially because there are maybe four people in this city, including Kaleb and Jessica, that I actually give a damn about and I never get to see any of them.
Finally managed to get out of this wonderful mood last night, and now I have all sorts of catching up to do. A fair bit of progress has been made, but I didn't get back in until five today, then had to leave again in an hour to do lab work until eight. I return to an impressively ungrammatical e-mail from my dad, who appears to be rather upset because I've been ignoring calls. My phone had not rang for two days, and I have no missed calls since he called me during my calc exam on Monday. It seems my mother had surgery today, and I was expected to call. I had been informed of this, of course - a month ago, with no mention of when it was actually taking place. She's fine, by the way - hooray for a bright spot.
So, surprise, a significant portion of my family is pissed off with absolutely no warning. This has done wonders for my recently-regained composure. I'm sure I'll have no trouble at all getting work done now. Yay me.
And, of course, I'm not allowed to screw up. Scholarship and all that. Not to sound ungrateful, but I'd really like to be allowed to make a mistake every now and then. I've had some sort of doom looming over my head since freaking grade school, either from my dad or from worrying about this or that scholarship. That same axis of evil was what got me here in the first place - I had fully intended to go to Rose, scholarship be damned, until the second month of you're-completely-unreasonable-think-of-the-money-you-horrible-person therapy. Who knows, maybe I'd actually have a few friends by now if I was at a school small enough that I could see the same people more than once a week. Not that there haven't been a few advantages, but coming here is definitely going down as a mistake.
Okay, now I feel slightly better. Slightly. Still way too distracted to accomplish anything, of course.
So. Most of last week and the beginning of this one squandered in a semi-depressed malaise. Partially because things were not going well at school - severely bombed (for me) a Japanese test, as I did not at all understand one of the important verb forms covered. Having to re-learn this as well as the things missed in aforementioned malaise did not improve my mood. Partially because there are maybe four people in this city, including Kaleb and Jessica, that I actually give a damn about and I never get to see any of them.
Finally managed to get out of this wonderful mood last night, and now I have all sorts of catching up to do. A fair bit of progress has been made, but I didn't get back in until five today, then had to leave again in an hour to do lab work until eight. I return to an impressively ungrammatical e-mail from my dad, who appears to be rather upset because I've been ignoring calls. My phone had not rang for two days, and I have no missed calls since he called me during my calc exam on Monday. It seems my mother had surgery today, and I was expected to call. I had been informed of this, of course - a month ago, with no mention of when it was actually taking place. She's fine, by the way - hooray for a bright spot.
So, surprise, a significant portion of my family is pissed off with absolutely no warning. This has done wonders for my recently-regained composure. I'm sure I'll have no trouble at all getting work done now. Yay me.
And, of course, I'm not allowed to screw up. Scholarship and all that. Not to sound ungrateful, but I'd really like to be allowed to make a mistake every now and then. I've had some sort of doom looming over my head since freaking grade school, either from my dad or from worrying about this or that scholarship. That same axis of evil was what got me here in the first place - I had fully intended to go to Rose, scholarship be damned, until the second month of you're-completely-unreasonable-think-of-the-money-you-horrible-person therapy. Who knows, maybe I'd actually have a few friends by now if I was at a school small enough that I could see the same people more than once a week. Not that there haven't been a few advantages, but coming here is definitely going down as a mistake.
Okay, now I feel slightly better. Slightly. Still way too distracted to accomplish anything, of course.