a new beiging after a downfall...
so we will take it back to tuesday nite., im gettin all nervuous and shitty feeling, why its my sisters bday, what does that mean,i have to see family, .
you may ask why is that so wrong??
cuz ... i blam some people i was going to see for being where im at now.. my dad to be more direct..
but i realized alot as wed went on, i woke up , still felt shitty i deiced to start a new begingin!!!! so i went and got my hair cut... but then something was still bothering me!, me and my mom went to the restruant where she works on tuesdays and wed, this is where we were holding my sisters bday, we talked.. and talked.. i just broke down there rigth there.. i got stick... and weak, and blah... it fucking sucked
all nite long i was dry heaving, and my mucles are becoming all sore...and i got weaker.
many things came up , i guess i started to realzie what was infront of me and what i have to do and what i have to set aside now. i need to get a second job, work 60+ hours a week, tech i need to work 3 jobs i cant forget about U-C its sitll my baby and im not going to give up on it! fuck that.. but i realzied school is a distant memorie for me right now. ::sigh:: i miss it i miss learning
but all that rushing to my head and realzing made me sick... but i have a feeling there was more too it.
i called off work.. cuz more happend i had all these weird messed up dreams...
when i have these dreams my muscles, bones, what ever react to the dreams, i hear vivid voices , see crystal clear pictues and i feel pain and warmth and coldness in my dreams and i still feel them as im fully awak up untill 20 mins after them. when in these dreams its almost like im in them.. its hard to explane. but thoes were fun... they had alot of meaning in them even tho i was shot 30 times in one of them and when i woke up i couldnt walk for 5 mins cuz the paint in my body was so bad! but it was just at the parts where i got shot!! eh.
after that i just listen to music and was thinking... alot came to me.. i understood. yep somewhat.. and then the thing that toped off the day and made things better was the storm i didnt even know it was going to storm, ive been waiting for weeks for a nice ass storm! and come rolling in after my cd was over was a storm so i stood on my balcony and watch it!!! fo rme that was like heaven! put a huge smile on my face. it was like a sing that things were going to be ok,
i feel better, and i understand more... why 24 hours you can change i dont know how you can just complety crash then pick ur self up , its strange.. i know , i understand i guess but i just cant expane it.. last time this happend was 3 years ago..
sorry for typing so much hopfully u werent bored!
late
-cilly
you may ask why is that so wrong??
cuz ... i blam some people i was going to see for being where im at now.. my dad to be more direct..
but i realized alot as wed went on, i woke up , still felt shitty i deiced to start a new begingin!!!! so i went and got my hair cut... but then something was still bothering me!, me and my mom went to the restruant where she works on tuesdays and wed, this is where we were holding my sisters bday, we talked.. and talked.. i just broke down there rigth there.. i got stick... and weak, and blah... it fucking sucked
all nite long i was dry heaving, and my mucles are becoming all sore...and i got weaker.
many things came up , i guess i started to realzie what was infront of me and what i have to do and what i have to set aside now. i need to get a second job, work 60+ hours a week, tech i need to work 3 jobs i cant forget about U-C its sitll my baby and im not going to give up on it! fuck that.. but i realzied school is a distant memorie for me right now. ::sigh:: i miss it i miss learning
but all that rushing to my head and realzing made me sick... but i have a feeling there was more too it.
i called off work.. cuz more happend i had all these weird messed up dreams...
when i have these dreams my muscles, bones, what ever react to the dreams, i hear vivid voices , see crystal clear pictues and i feel pain and warmth and coldness in my dreams and i still feel them as im fully awak up untill 20 mins after them. when in these dreams its almost like im in them.. its hard to explane. but thoes were fun... they had alot of meaning in them even tho i was shot 30 times in one of them and when i woke up i couldnt walk for 5 mins cuz the paint in my body was so bad! but it was just at the parts where i got shot!! eh.
after that i just listen to music and was thinking... alot came to me.. i understood. yep somewhat.. and then the thing that toped off the day and made things better was the storm i didnt even know it was going to storm, ive been waiting for weeks for a nice ass storm! and come rolling in after my cd was over was a storm so i stood on my balcony and watch it!!! fo rme that was like heaven! put a huge smile on my face. it was like a sing that things were going to be ok,
i feel better, and i understand more... why 24 hours you can change i dont know how you can just complety crash then pick ur self up , its strange.. i know , i understand i guess but i just cant expane it.. last time this happend was 3 years ago..
sorry for typing so much hopfully u werent bored!
late
-cilly