fanfiction!
OMG, it's me again! ;) Ya don't have to be afraid. It's just a short ff!
Since freya86 was such a nice beta again, I think I'll post this. Again, thank you, hun! *hugs*
Titel: Who Am I?
Pairing: Marie/Logan, Marie POV
A/N: I dunno is this makes any sense, it just came into my mind.
I never asked for this. I didn’t ask to have a special “gift”. And I would have been happy to go on with my old life, as the person I was before I turned into a mutant.
I had been innocent, sweet and joyful. Never overly popular, never caring to be put out of a crowd. I loved the sun, loved school and my friends. I loved to be near people, loved to touch them.
That is over now and I’ll never have that again.
Am I still human? Was I human to begin with and then simply changed? Or was there always this thing inside, just waiting to get out?
Whatever I am now, I can’t go back to my old life. I’m different. People know I’m different, even if they don’t understand what’s changed. I’ve seen them, when they walk past me on the street. They take a look at my gloves and turn away from me.
Am I a monster? Does what I am, this not-being-normal thing, make me evil? The way people look at me, even when they don’t know what I am, kind of scares me. I don’t want to be different.
But I still look like me, like Marie. Same eyes, same hair - except for the two white streaks - same body. Everything seems to be the same, except for this “gift”. I don’t understand why the professor wants me to call it that. It’s not a gift, it’s a punishment. My skin is pure poisen. Most people, even the other mutants at Xavier’s ‘School for Gifted Youngsters’ don’t know how lonely it feels. They often tell me how much they care about me. I’m sure they do, but that’s not enough. I don’t need to hear these things, I need to feel them. But nobody can give me that.
I keep thinking of Logan. Of the way he looks at me with his intense hazel eyes. There are moments when I want him so badly I’m burning to ashes inside just wanting to touch him. That desire scares me. I know what would happen if I’d give in. Logan would die.
I already have a lot of him in my mind, more than I want. His memories are horrible and I’m haunted by his nightmares. There are memories of being strapped down and having unbelievable experiments done to me. I feel the pain and remember those things as if they have happened to me. But they’re Logan’s and maybe that’s the worst part about it. To know it’s true. To know that people can do things like that.
I never slept longer than five hours since that night at Liberty Island. It’s safer to stay awake. The Professor, Jean, Ororo and Scott often ask why I spend most of the night down in the kitchen, alone in the dark. Of course they know why, but they want me to talk about it. They want me to talk about the Logan in my head, his nightmares and how scared the usually distant Rogue really is.
But I can’t. As much as I want them to get out of my head, without the memories I’d be dead. I got used to them and it scares me to think about loosing them. It’s a bond Logan and I share. Nobody can take that away from me.
I don’t know if Jean or Xavier talked to him, but Logan started to spend time with me, more than usual. He’s changed. It’s not just the way he looks at me or how different his voice sounds. Calmer, softer. It’s the little touches that make me wonder if he knows how much I need it. How badly I want to be touched, even if it’s just through the thin fabric of silk gloves. It doesn’t matter if he knows or not, he makes me feel alive. Something I missed for a long time.
Whatever it is that I’ve become, part of me ist still the person I was before all this happened. The innocent southern girl, full of dreams. I’m not going to let someone tell me I can’t live.
Even if I’ll never be able to touch, be able to make someone love me, there is still a sparkle of hope.
Hope that gives me the strength I need to go on with my life.
~ Fin
Since freya86 was such a nice beta again, I think I'll post this. Again, thank you, hun! *hugs*
Titel: Who Am I?
Pairing: Marie/Logan, Marie POV
A/N: I dunno is this makes any sense, it just came into my mind.
I never asked for this. I didn’t ask to have a special “gift”. And I would have been happy to go on with my old life, as the person I was before I turned into a mutant.
I had been innocent, sweet and joyful. Never overly popular, never caring to be put out of a crowd. I loved the sun, loved school and my friends. I loved to be near people, loved to touch them.
That is over now and I’ll never have that again.
Am I still human? Was I human to begin with and then simply changed? Or was there always this thing inside, just waiting to get out?
Whatever I am now, I can’t go back to my old life. I’m different. People know I’m different, even if they don’t understand what’s changed. I’ve seen them, when they walk past me on the street. They take a look at my gloves and turn away from me.
Am I a monster? Does what I am, this not-being-normal thing, make me evil? The way people look at me, even when they don’t know what I am, kind of scares me. I don’t want to be different.
But I still look like me, like Marie. Same eyes, same hair - except for the two white streaks - same body. Everything seems to be the same, except for this “gift”. I don’t understand why the professor wants me to call it that. It’s not a gift, it’s a punishment. My skin is pure poisen. Most people, even the other mutants at Xavier’s ‘School for Gifted Youngsters’ don’t know how lonely it feels. They often tell me how much they care about me. I’m sure they do, but that’s not enough. I don’t need to hear these things, I need to feel them. But nobody can give me that.
I keep thinking of Logan. Of the way he looks at me with his intense hazel eyes. There are moments when I want him so badly I’m burning to ashes inside just wanting to touch him. That desire scares me. I know what would happen if I’d give in. Logan would die.
I already have a lot of him in my mind, more than I want. His memories are horrible and I’m haunted by his nightmares. There are memories of being strapped down and having unbelievable experiments done to me. I feel the pain and remember those things as if they have happened to me. But they’re Logan’s and maybe that’s the worst part about it. To know it’s true. To know that people can do things like that.
I never slept longer than five hours since that night at Liberty Island. It’s safer to stay awake. The Professor, Jean, Ororo and Scott often ask why I spend most of the night down in the kitchen, alone in the dark. Of course they know why, but they want me to talk about it. They want me to talk about the Logan in my head, his nightmares and how scared the usually distant Rogue really is.
But I can’t. As much as I want them to get out of my head, without the memories I’d be dead. I got used to them and it scares me to think about loosing them. It’s a bond Logan and I share. Nobody can take that away from me.
I don’t know if Jean or Xavier talked to him, but Logan started to spend time with me, more than usual. He’s changed. It’s not just the way he looks at me or how different his voice sounds. Calmer, softer. It’s the little touches that make me wonder if he knows how much I need it. How badly I want to be touched, even if it’s just through the thin fabric of silk gloves. It doesn’t matter if he knows or not, he makes me feel alive. Something I missed for a long time.
Whatever it is that I’ve become, part of me ist still the person I was before all this happened. The innocent southern girl, full of dreams. I’m not going to let someone tell me I can’t live.
Even if I’ll never be able to touch, be able to make someone love me, there is still a sparkle of hope.
Hope that gives me the strength I need to go on with my life.
~ Fin