Lien on my soul chapter 7A
When he awoke, Sam was in his room.
Compared to the one Dean occupied, Sam’s was sterile. There were not pictures or posters or anything personal, where as Dean’s was the opposite, and Sam missed that room right now. It was Dean before he was changed and that’s the Dean Sam wanted back.
Moaning as he rolled into a sitting position, Sam walked to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face to wake himself. Something was off, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, and then he realized what it was, he was wearing the same shirt from earlier, but now it was loose and didn’t fit his new body.
He wanted to cry but his wolf, his Omega wolf, his nurturer, told him he was going to be fine, but Sam didn’t think he would ever be fine again.
“Sam,” Castiel said from the doorway, how are you?”
“I was turned into an Omega, Castiel, how the fuck to think I feel?” Sam growled. Or at least he tried to because even his growl underwent a transformation and now sounded weak.
“Like an Omega, Sam,” Castiel answered. “There is no shame in being an Omega. It is almost time for Dean’s final shot, do you want to be there?”
Of course, he wanted to be there to get his brother back. He’d some too much to get Dean to miss this. It was going to hard enough to face him, but he wouldn’t like this. He smelled like sweat, vomit, blood and come and he didn’t want to face Dean feeling vulnerable, “let me grab a shower, and I’ll join you.”
“Sam,” Castiel began.
“I’ll join you after my shower,” Sam cuts him off. “I don’t want to face Dean like this.”
Once in the shower, Sam stood under hot water and rubbed himself until his skin was bright red, but he wanted to wash away as much of the afternoon as possible. After checking his body Sam was pleased to see that his skin wasn’t as saggy as it had been when he first changed, but the stab wound in his shoulder was still painful.
Once he was sure that Dean was cured he would shift and allow his body to heal because he wanted to be strong when he faced Dean for the first time. He wanted to be strong, but he didn’t think something like dressing would almost cause a breakdown but it did.
Where he had been proud of his body, muscular and toned, before, now he’d shrunk, and while still toned, his huge muscles were gone and made him feel as though he was in someone else's body. The claim had changed him to fit his Alpha; while he was still taller than Dean, his strength and bulk was gone. That meant clothes that fit him this morning were now too big and hung on him making him feel like the ten-year old who had to wear his big brothers hand me downs whether they’d fit or not.
Standing outside the room, Sam took a deep breath before entering and facing Dean. He braced himself to face a mocking Dean, but was surprised by what he found; instead of the facsimile of his brother he’d been dealing with, this man was quiet because he was unconscious.
Turning to Castiel, Sam asked, “is he… is he dead?”
“No Sam,” Castiel said in his monotone voice. It’s the same tone he always uses, but for some reason today it bothered him. “He’s ready for the final shot if you want to do the honors.”
“No,” Sam shook his head, “you do it.”
He watched as Castiel injected the blood into Deans' arm just above the MoC. This morning, he would have killed anyone who suggested that anyone other than him give Dean the final dose, but right now Sam didn’t want to touch Dean.
Castiel moved to stand beside Sam to wait for the blood to work and prayed that it would. They would try again, but they both knew that if this dose didn’t work then Dean would have to die. Despite what happened between them, Sam wasn't sure if he could kill Dean and if they did would it take this time or would the Mark bring him back.
Their answer wasn’t long in coming, and Sam’s heart broke, and his wolf mourned when he saw the black eyes. Sam closed his eyes and blinked back the tears, but opened them in time to see the black dissipate and replaced by the beautiful green Sam loved.
“You two look worried,” Dean said.
Not sure that he could trust that his brother was back, Sam pulled the flask of holy water and doused Dean with it. Satisfied that the demon was gone, Sam couldn’t be there when Dean became fully aware, so he shifted and ran.
Things were a little confusing right now. Dean knew that he had done some horrible things, most of them he can’t remember, but of that, he’s glad because the things he could remember he wished he couldn’t.
Like raping Sam.
There are no words to pretty up what he’d done; he’d hurt and humiliated his brother and changed him irreparably. Sam was now an Omega - his Omega, and he had to find a way of making up for hurting Sam. That, however, was going to be a problem when Sam wouldn’t come near him.
Just as Sam had earlier, Dean sat and went through the pictures he kept by his bed and stopped at the one of him and Sam just after Sam had left Stanford. All those feelings he’d been able to bury deep inside came rushing forward and his wolf whispering in his ear like the proverbial devil to claim Sam.
He’d claimed him but at what price?
Something he’d fought for decades he’d given into because the brand, the MOC had taken over.
“You look terrible,” Cas said from here he stood in the doorway.
Dean looked up and smiled at the awkwardness of the angel's attempt at small talk, “it wouldn’t kill you to lie.”
“No, it wouldn’t kill me. I just… you…”
It was funny to see the always confident angel at a loss for words. He tried to get a grasp of human emotions, but he hadn’t been able to master them yet.
“Forget it,” Dean said giving up on trying to make his friend do something he didn’t have the skills to master. “You’re looking well, so are you back?”
“Temporarily.”
“Temporarily?” Dean asked.
“Yeah, it’s a long story that involves Crowley and a stolen grace. Plus, there’s a woman outside in the car, but we’ll save that for another time.”
“Okay, but thanks-well for everything. Especially stepping in when you did. I’m just sorry you didn’t arrive earlier.”
Cas didn’t say anything, but Dean knew that he was holding something back. Had Sam said something about wanting Dean gone and that’s why he did the disappearing act.
“What did Sam say? Does he want a divorce?” Dean asked only half joking.
Shaking his head, Cas said, “I’m sure Sam knew that the things you said or did weren't really you. Well, it certainly wasn’t all you.”
“I ra… attacked him Cas.”
“You did,” Cas agreed, “I’m not saying that just because you aren’t a demon any longer doesn’t mean that things will be easy for the two of you. Talk to him, and if he doesn’t want to, well you’re his Alpha now you can demand that he talks to you.”
“I think I’ve demanded enough from him,” Dean sighed. “He’ll come home when he’s ready.”
Because there is a mysterious girl in his car, Cas left, and Dean was now alone. Yeah, Sam is outside somewhere literally and figuratively licking his wounds, and Dean understands. He had taken Sam’s identity and his choice away, so his brother wanted to be at his fighting best when he confronted Dean.
So he waited.
The problem was he hadn't expected to have to wait this long. It’s been a week since Cas left and Dean ate his meals looking across the table at an empty seat, wondering when or if Sam would come back. He knows his brother would come back because he needs to be near his mate, his wolf won’t let him wander far, but Dean understood if he tried to run.
For the first days, Dean spent them in his bed because Sam’s scent was stronger there than in his own bedroom. He knew that Sam needed him but he needs his mate just as much and his wolf is demanding they hunt him down.
Dean’s not a young pup who doesn’t know how to keep his animal in control, so he kept the wolf at bay, but barely. He had no control when the wolf was insisting they find their mate.
By the end of the week, Dean was going stir crazy sitting inside waiting for Sam to came back. He’s been busy, has found several hunts, but he can’t leave until he and Sam have talked, but he had to get out of the bunker before he went crazy. Food supplies are low, so a trip to the grocery store was in order.
Once he entered the bunker, Dean sensed Sam’s presence and his wolf was clawing to go to him-to mate him. Even though the desire to give in to his wolf was strong, Dean didn’t give in because if he did it would be by force and he won’t subject his brother, his mate, to that again.
The next time they mated it would be by Sam’s invitation, or not at all.
As he waited for Sam to find him, Dean decided to prepare lunch. It wasn't anything fancy, just some soup and sandwiches, but it was a way to bring Sam to the table. After a week in the woods, he’s sure his mate was ready for something he didn’t have to hunt and kill.
Dean was half way through his meal when he realized that Sam wasn’t going to join him. Their noses were so sensitive that Sam could smell the food over a mile away, so Dean knew that he was ignoring him.
He had work to do.
Fighting his instinct to storm down the hall and demand that Sam stops hiding and talk to him, Dean walked outside and shifted and went on a run to clear his head.
When he returned to the bunker, Sam had eaten the food Dean had left for him and retreated to his room. He inhaled his mate's scent as his wolf howled at the rejection from his mate.
Sam’s hot and cold act went on for a week, so Dean changed tactics, instead of waiting for Sam he prepared meals and went to his room to eat. The ploy was to lure Sam from his room and talk. There was no excuse for what he did to his brother, but he had to try.
It took eight days for Dean to catch Sam in the kitchen and when he did his words seemed to fail him.
“Sam…” was all he could manage.
“I suppose this is where you say you’re sorry and I say ‘no Dean that wasn’t you, it was the demon,’ but you know what, Dean it was you,” Sam told him. “There is nothing you can say that will make this right.”
“I.” Dean started but stopped to gather his thoughts. With a deep exhale, he continued. “I don’t have an excuse for what I did other than being a demon. I want to kill myself for what I did to you and if I could take it back, I would.”
“Maybe I should have taken Castiel’s advice and killed you and then I wouldn’t be the star of this shit show,” Sam told him before picking up his plate and walking back to his room.
Dean watched as Sam walked away from him and it hit him, Cas had wanted to kill him, and Sam still wanted too. It was too much to take in, and for the first time in years, Dean Winchester cried.
The first-time Sam had morning sickness, Jesse Turner’s name popped into his head. He hadn’t thought about that kid in ages. He’d be a teenager now, but when Sam and Dean first met him in his hometown of Alliance, Nebraska, he was eleven years old and a threat to the world.
Sam supposed that he didn’t give in to his evil side, and that's why they haven’t had to try to find him again, but Sam just might because he’s going to need to know how to handle giving birth to the anti-Christ.
As he cleaned himself up, he’d almost convinced himself that his child wasn't going to be like Jesse, but the only way to prevent it was to abort and for Sam just couldn’t. Abortion wasn’t an option.
He tried to convince himself that he wasn’t but his body was giving him signals that he was, he needed to talk to someone but Dean wasn’t an option, so he called Castiel.
“Of course, you’re pregnant, Sam,” Castiel advised him in that monotone voice that made Sam want to cry. Any moment not he expected him to say ‘Bueller, Bueller.’ Just this once he wanted the angel of the Lord to have some compassion, was that too fucking much to ask. “Why is this troublesome to you? Bringing forth a new life should be a joyous event.”
“Because I don’t want to give birth to a goddamned Nephilim!” Sam barked into the phone.
“When I marked, your ribs, Sam that protected you from that happening. When your ribs were marked to protect you from angels, that meant inside your body as well.”
“How did you know that Dean would claim me?” Sam asked both stupefied and relieved with the angel’s answer.”
“Honestly it was to protect Dean. You both wanted one another, but I knew that Dean could fight how he felt, but he couldn’t fight you.”
Sam had no response to the statement, so he quietly disconnected the call and shifted for a run
The day he came back from his weeklong shift, he knew he was pregnant, but he tried to deny his condition. However, once he began having morning sickness there was no more denying it, and he didn’t want to tell Dean.
He was going to find out; there was no way Sam cold stay holed up in his room. But first, he had to find a way to keep hunting. Omegas didn’t hunt, they stayed at home and took care of their Alpha. If this was what Dean wanted, Sam would have to follow his orders no matter how much he’d hate being sidelined.
The meetings in the kitchen were becoming more frequent, and Sam knew that they weren’t accidental, that Dean was somehow engineering the meetings and it occurred to Sam, just tell him what you want and get it over with.
“Stop leaving the newspaper opened to jobs,” Sam said the next time they were in the kitchen together, “Isn’t what you’ve done to me bad enough without taunting me with what I can’t have?”
“You don’t want to hunt any more, Sammy?” Dean asked as though Sam had a choice in the matter. Dean had been ultra-protective before he’d claimed Sam, so he could only imagine how protective he was going to be now that he owned Sam. Once he learned that there was to be a pup, Sam was pretty sure he’d be on lockdown.
“Don’t pretend that you’re going to let me continue to hunt,” Sam spat. “That’s something that you and dad had in common, protect your Omega, lock ‘em up if you must, but protect at all cost. So don’t stand there and pretend that you’re going to let me continue.”
“I remember you feeling the same way Sam,” Dean smirked, “at one time you even said you didn’t want your Omega to work outside the home, you wanted Jess to drop out of college because education was a waste, so don’t pretend otherwise. I have no intention of stopping you from hunting unless this was an elaborate ruse to get me to say no. If that was the case, then all you had to do was ask. I’m happy with whatever you want.”
“You’re… going to let me hunt?” Sam asked not bothering to hide his surprise.
“You’re a good hunter Sam, I would be stupid to keep you from hunting, but if you don’t want to keep hunting then whatever you want to do then, you can.”
“Aaah, I get it now, you agreed to let me keep hunting hoping that my weak Omega brain would choose to do something else, classy Dean.”
“No! That’s not what I was trying to do,” Dean shook his head in denial, “I just wanted to let you know that the choice was yours.”
Staring at his brother, his mate, Sam decided to put Dean to the test. He walked from the kitchen to the war room where Dean had left the newspapers and rifled through them and searched for the most difficult job among them. He knew that Dean was a man of his word, he wanted to see if he was an Alpha of his word.
“Okay, there’s a couple here that look promising, let me research them both and see which one is the most important.”
“Sam,” Dean said hesitantly.
“Yeah,” Sam stared at Dean taking in his nervous body language making him realize this was where he suggested that Sam not take chances because Omegas were delicate.
“Um, your shoulder, is it well enough to hunt?”
“When you ask about my shoulder, do you mean the injury from the demon, hurt or where you stabbed me before you raped me?” Sam snapped.
Clearing his throat, Dean replied, “both.”
Sam continued to stare at Dean and the emotions his brother was unable to mask made him want to wrap Dean in his arms and comfort him, but then Sam remembered that it was the Omega that wanted to comfort Dean and he shut the thought own. Dean didn’t deserve his comfort.
“Yes, both injuries have healed. Unlike when I was searching for you, I was able to shift long enough to heal, so don’t worry, I won’t be a liability on a hunt.”
“Sam, that’s not… It doesn’t matter, just let me know which hunt you chose and I’ll be ready to go when you are.” Dean told him before leaving the room.
His wolf was clawing at him, howling and demanding that he go after Dean and apologize, but Sam wasn’t ready to do that yet. He was going to be an Omega for the rest of his life; it wouldn’t hurt Dean to be punished for what he did.
As Sam watched him leave he ignored his wolf telling him that it was the demon, not Dean who’d hurt him, but right now Sam couldn’t tell the difference.
They should be researching for ways to remove the MoC from Dean’s arm, but that had to be put aside for this. He needed to know if he could trust Dean. In his head, he knew that Dean wasn’t himself, but his heart couldn’t get past the fact that Dean wanted to kill him but settled for raping and claiming him.
He knew that it wasn’t his Dean who did this, but he also knew that some part of Dean wanted this, had wanted this and the first chance he got, acted on his desires. The same desires Sam had been harboring.
As he searched through the cases, Sam noticed that Dean was getting twitchy, it was like he had an itch to scratch, but his fingers were unable to reach the spot. Of course, it wouldn’t because he needed to kill. The lust to do so was calling out to him, and he didn’t even have the knife.