Congratulations Chapter 5
Jensen’s hands shook as he took the phone from Jared. “Sarah,” he greeted with more calm than he felt.
“I want her back, Jensen,” Sarah whispered into the phone. “The judge said that she should be with me, so I want her back,”
“Amanda isn’t a sweater that didn’t fit, Sarah. She’s a child and you will not toy with her,” Jensen spat into the phone.
“I am not toying. I miss her so much. When we called to tell you to come and get her, I didn’t really think that you would. I thought then Paul would let me keep her, but now she’s gone and I miss her,” she cried in a loud whisper.
Jensen pulled his cell from his pocket and scrolled down to the number he had as a contact for Sarah’s husband, walked to Jared, and showed him who he was calling before giving him the phone.
Jared began to speak to Paul as Jensen listened to Sarah ramble on about how much she missed her child. Jensen wanted to be able to say that he didn’t feel for her. He really wanted to be as cold-hearted as she had been when she’d taken his child, he really couldn’t. Instead, he remembered how it had felt when she’d walked out of that courtroom, safe in the knowledge that she had her child, and he and Jared could do nothing. This time, it if came down to it, they would fight harder for her, because Jensen knew what it felt like to have his child upstairs in the room that he’d set aside for her all those years ago.
“Let me talk to her, please,” she begged.
“No Sarah, that’s not a good idea. You would only confuse her, so I’m sorry, but no.” He refused.
“Jensen,” a male voice was now talking to him.
“Yeah, Paul what’s going on?”
“Look, Sarah has had too much to drink, so now her guilt and our current situation is eating at her,” Paul explained, but the explanation raised more questions than it answered.
“Why is she drinking? I thought that she was pregnant.” Jensen questioned the other man, secretly glad they had Amanda if this was Sarah’s typical behavior.
“She lost the baby, and she thinks that it’s because she returned Amada to you guys,” Paul cleared up. “It’s not that I didn’t love Amanda because I did, I do but I felt wrong keeping her when she wasn’t ours, and I told Sarah that it wasn’t right. Sarah was hurting, but she was dealing, because she had the baby to look forward to. After she miscarried, her first thought was that we could just come and get Amanda back. I’ve explained to her that that isn’t fair to you guys, and it is especially not fair to a six-year-old who doesn’t understand all of this in the first place.”
Jensen was not sure what he’d been expecting from this conversation, but this wasn’t it. He’d thought they were both evil and he’d hated them, but what he discovered was that there was enough hurt for everyone. Just because he felt feel sorry for them, didn’t mean he was willing to give up Amanda, though.
“Paul may Sarah and I talk for a sec?” Jensen asked.
“Hello,” was the snuffled reply after Paul handed the phone back to his wife.
“Sarah, I’ve been where you are right now.”
“You can’t possibly understand Jensen,” Sarah cried through the phone
“Five times I’ve been there, the empty feeling because you know that there is supposed to be a baby inside you and it’s gone. Your first thought is to fill that emptiness immediately and you want to fill that space with Amanda.”
Sarah’s only response was to cry and Jensen had lost count of the times over the years that he’d cried over the child that he’d lost so he understood her response. He knew that it wasn’t going to be easy for her, because just when he thought that he was having a good day, the slightest thing would make him remember. It could have been the color he was going to paint the nursery, making a doctor’s appointment, or a child’s laughter that would trigger tears.
As he shared this with Sarah, Jared walked over to him and wrapped his arms around his waist, his large hands resting on the slight swell of their babies. He ended the call and turned into Jared’s arms, seeking the comfort his husband offered.
“I’m so fucking sorry Jen,” Jared apologized as he nuzzled Jensen’s neck. “I get it now.”
“Get what Jared?” Jensen asked as he leaned into Jared’s kiss.
“Just now, as I was listening to you offering comfort to someone who has caused you nothing but an ungodly amount of pain, made me understand why you were so angry with me.”
The confusion must have shown on his face because Jared smiled at him and explained further, “The argument that we had about me not allowing you to offer me the same comfort I offered to you. I cheated you, well us, and we could have gotten past the hurt easier if I hadn’t decided to play alpha male.”
Jensen just smiled and gave Jared another kiss, letting him know without words that all was forgiven.
“Oh, and Jensen, just so you know, even if we didn’t get these little miracles, you would never be anything other than perfect to me.”
After the scare of Sarah’s phone call, Jensen went upstairs to check on Amanda, to reassure himself that she was still here with them, that Sarah and Paul hadn’t somehow magically spirited her away while they were talking on the phone. When he went to her room, she was asleep and he crawled in beside her.
Jensen was frustrated and for once, it didn’t have anything to do with sex. Two days ago, Mandie had told them that she wanted to braid her hair like her new best friend, Carrie, but being men neither Jensen nor Jared knew how to braid. So Jensen has found himself at the mercy of Danneel and Addison. His mom had returned home, but there was no way he would have ever asked her to teach him, because the jokes that would have come from his brother wouldn’t be worth it.
With his tongue caught between his teeth, Jensen was so completely concentrated on the task of braiding hair that he didn’t hear Jared enter the room…with Chad.
Even if Jared thought that the sight of Jensen learning to braid hair was the funniest thing he’d ever seen in his life, he had enough sense not to comment on it. However, the same couldn’t be said for Chad. He laughed so hard at the sight that the soda he was drinking came out of his nose, causing him to choke a little.
“Mandie, why don’t you go and change because I have a surprise for you.” Jared told the little girl, obviously trying to get both little girls out of the room before Jensen, Chad, and Danneel went at each other.
“I’m sorry miss,” Chad joked, “for a minute there I thought that you were my friend Jensen. He didn’t tell me he had such a hot sister.”
“Chad, don’t be such an ass,” Danneel told him. “Amanda wanted her hair braided and Jensen wanted to learn to do it for her.”
“Oh, so she got her mommy to do it huh?” Chad continued.
“Okay, okay, let’s break this up before someone’s feelings get hurt,” Jared said as he caught the look on Jensen’s face. “I just came here to get Jensen and Mandie to look at a house the agent found for us.”
“You’ll love it Jenny, it’s close to us, and you and Kenzie can braid each other’s hair…”
“Jared, please tell me that we aren’t going to be living next to Chad,” Jensen demanded of his husband.
“Well, not …next door exactly,” Jared hedged. “Just look at the house before you shoot it down, Jen.”
“Okay, I’ll look, but I’m not promising you anything,” Jensen mumbled.
House hunting had been put off because of the emotional phone call with Sarah and Paul, but that had been over a month ago. The babies that were currently kicking away in Jensen’s womb were getting harder and harder to hide. Whenever Amanda tried to hug him, he could no longer hold her as close as he liked, so they were going to have to tell her soon. Perhaps the house hunting could ease the way.
Jensen was mad because he liked the house. As he stood in between Jared, Chad and the real estate agent, he tried to school his features so that they wouldn’t get too excited. The house had almost everything that they were looking for, as a matter of fact, it was so close to what they wanted. It’s only drawback was the fact that Chad was within walking distance.
“What do you think about it Mandie?” Jensen asked the little girl and his heart sank when he saw the tears in her eyes.
“If we move then, Carrie will think that I don’t love her, same as my mommy and daddy didn’t love me anymore!” she cried, then turning to Jensen she begged, “Jen, please don’t let her think I don’t love her!”
Even though it shouldn’t have, Amanda’s outburst took Jensen by surprise. It stood to reason that she thought that her parents no longer loved her, since she’d been sent to live with two people that she didn’t know. Her situation was not the same as the family Steve and Chris adopted; those kids had had years to adapt to the fact that they had shitty parents, but Amanda had been secure in a loving family before that was ripped from her and now that she was finding her way, they were upsetting her applecart again.
Chad surprised both Jensen and Jared by softly saying, “Amanda, just because you’re moving, doesn’t mean that you and Carrie can’t be friends, you just won’t see her every day because you’ll be going to a new school.”
“But I just got her! I’ll have to find a new friend or I’ll be alone all day at school, and besides, I don’t want another friend! I want Carrie!” She cried louder.
Reaching down to pick up the crying child, Jensen was gently pushed aside by Jared who picked her up instead as he gave Jensen a dirty look. As he stepped away, Jensen knew that he shouldn’t have tried to lift her because of his pregnancy, but his paternal instincts screamed comfort her, “Baby we are not going to take anyone away from you.” Jared assured her.
“Yeah baby girl,” Jensen reassured her. “Just because we’re looking at this house doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re going to buy it.”
Jensen wanted to ignore the part about Sarah and Paul not loving her out of spite, but in the end his little girl would be the only one hurt, so he knew he had to address it, as well as tell her the reason that they needed a new house. As much as he liked this one, he knew that they would have to find something closer so that she could stay near Carrie.
“Mandie, you do know that-” he hesitated to call Paul and Sarah her parents when the little girl wouldn’t even refer to them as her dads “-your mom and dad loved you right?”
“But they love the new baby more because they sent me away to you,” she sobbed, “Please say that you won’t ever, ever have a baby.”
Jensen knew then that their time was up, that he wouldn’t lie to her, but how does he tell her? Lifting his head, he turned his green eyes to Jared for help.
“I think I hear Kenzie calling me,” Chad said to escape the intense family moment, and it took all of Jensen’s will not to call him a pussy for leaving, even though he knew it was for the best.
Pulling Amanda’s face from Jared’s neck, Jensen asked, “Why don’t you want us to have more babies, Mandie? Don’t you want to be a big sister?”
Turning away from Jensen, she shook her head and mumbled something into Jared’s neck. “What was that?”
“If you have a baby then you won’t want me either.” This time she wailed and Jensen was sure he heard his heart breaking through the pain.
“Baby girl we’ll always want you,” Jensen tried to comfort her, but she was too distraught to listen to what he was saying.
How were they going to tell her this now? Tell her that not only was he pregnant, but there were going to be two babies. He wasn’t going to be able to hide the pregnancy for much longer. He should have known that this transition was going too smoothly, that she was too accepting of her current situation after losing the only parents that she’d ever known.
They finally got the little girl calmed down and there were some hard decisions to be made concerning Amanda and the Ponds, because, like it or not, the four of them were going to have to talk for his little girl’s wellbeing.
Jared reached into his pocket to get the key to the house and tossed it to Jensen, “You give the key back to the agent, and I’ll carry her down to the car.”
Jensen guessed he must have looked pitiful because Jared stopped and assured him, “We’ll figure it out Jen, you’ll see.”
As he watched Jared walk away with their daughter, he hoped that this time Jared would come to him for answers and not his friend.
The ride home was quiet. While Jared drove, Jensen rode in the back seat with Amanda comforting her as much as he could before she cried herself to sleep. He knew that there were issues that he and Jared wouldn’t be able to solve on their own, but he would do everything in his power to make this transition easier for her.
“I’ll get her Jensen,” Jared warned his husband when they pulled into the garage. Jensen jumped back as if he was a young kid caught stealing from the cookie jar.
When the doctor had told him that he needed to take it easy and eliminate the stress in his life, Jensen’s first thought had been cutting back the time he spent in the studio, or how late he stayed up reading scripts for his next project, but not this. He was not prepared for this emotional upheaval, and other things he had no control over. He loved his little girl, and the babies he was carrying were desperately wanted, so he and Jared were going to have to figure something out before the decision was taken out of their hands.
That night Amanda was subdued and nothing either man said drew her out of her shell. They weren’t sure if the problem was that she missed her mommy (Jensen cringed at having to call Sarah that), leaving Carrie, or the thought that a baby would cause her to be kicked out of the family. She was so upset that she barely ate dinner and chose to go to bed early, and Jared and Jensen followed her suit.
Once in bed, between his worry and Jared’s restlessness, Jensen couldn’t sleep. He walked down the hall to watch his daughter sleeping, only to find her tossing and turning as well. Instead of watching his family suffer alone, Jensen entered with the intention of carrying her back to their room, but then he remembered the babies, so he woke Jared and had him carry her instead. Once Jared placed her between the two of them, she settled in and they all fell into a restful sleep.
The next morning, after taking Amanda to school, Jensen came home to find Jared on the phone with Chad and it immediately angered him because, there he was again, telling someone else their problems instead of leaning on his husband.
“So what does Chad think that we should do about our daughter?” Jensen snarked at Jared.
“He didn’t say anything because I didn’t discuss her with him; I promised you that you and I were in this together, that if I had any questions or doubts that I would come to you, and I will. I am not a liar Jensen, and I’m going to put this little outburst down to hormones.” Jared said through gritted teeth.
Jensen blushed and ducked his head in shame when he realized that he was calling this man who had been nothing but honest with him a liar, and soon an apology rolled off his lips. “I’m sorry Jared, it’s just …I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You know that we’re going to have to let her talk to Sarah.” Jared said as he walked up to Jensen and hugged him.
“I know, and I’m scared that we’re going to lose her,” Jensen softly cried as he rubbed his stomach. “It’s as though we got a taste of everything we wanted, that we’ve been waiting years for, and now we’re just waiting for it all to be taken away.”
“You can’t think like that, babe, if she goes back to the Ponds we will still be a part of her life. They can’t shut us out this time because we won’t let them, and besides, she’ll have two new siblings in her life she’ll want to see them. She’ll want to see us” Jared rubbed Jensen’s stomach and continued, “No more negative thinking, you, me, and all of our babies, born and unborn, are going to be fine.”
“Do you want to make the call or should I?” Jensen asked, knowing that it really didn’t matter who made it, because the outcome was going to be the same, Amanda was going to want to go home to parents that she knew and loved.
Jared reached for the clip on his belt, removed his cell phone, and scrolled until he found the contact he was looking for.
“Paul,” Jensen heard him greet the man and watched as he put it on speaker so that Jensen could hear. “Look, we have a problem here. Amanda thinks that you and Sarah stopped loving her and, despite us telling her differently, we thought that she might only accept it coming from you guys.”
“We’ll talk to her, and reassure her, but…do you know where we are, where we moved to?” Paul asked.
“No, we don’t, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything,” Jensen chimed in.
“Everything,” Paul guaranteed them. “We’re in a holler in West Virginia where things haven’t changed that much, where people here don’t appreciate Carriers and surrogacy. Since you guys wouldn’t be here, Amanda would take the brunt of any negative reaction and we just didn’t want that for her.”
“We don’t want that either,” Jensen, agreed, as he mentally calculated the time difference in his head he told Paul, “When she gets settled in from school tomorrow, I’ll give you guys a call.”
Murphy’s Law seems to be in effect for Jensen the past few days because everything that could possibly go wrong did. He’d been feeling sick all day long, so Jared volunteered to retrieve their girl after telling Jensen to rest. When she noticed that Jensen was not in the SUV, she fretted over the fact that he didn’t feel well, and as soon as she got home, Amanda ran to her fathers’ bedroom to offer him comfort.
“Jensen,” she called out as she burst into the room. It was hard to say which of the two was more surprised. Jensen was shirtless and standing in front of the mirror looking at the changes in his body when she entered the room.
He would never forget the look of abject horror on her face when she realized what his protruding stomach meant before she screamed out, “Now you won’t want me either,!” Immediately after her accusation she turned and ran from the room. Instead of going left to her bedroom, she turned right and lost her footing and Jensen could only stare as she tumbled headfirst down the stairs.
chapter 4 chapter 6