heavy hearts...
Devestation. Death. Loss.
I have been feeling so out of place the past few days. On the verge of tears constantly. Anxious to the point were 4am comes and goes without me finding sleep. Little things become huge and I wasn't able to figure out where it was all coming from. Why was I feeling so disconnected? Why am I unable to finish simple tasks? What is this feeling surrounding me?
Then I watched the news again. The tsunami has taken so many lives and doesn't seem to be finished with the wrath it is carrying. The numbers that are growing each day and the stories of loss and the footage of dispair is, oh so much to take. I have been distancing myself from the news and disconnecting with the world because the sadness my heart feels makes me feel like I am going to crumble to the floor.
My cousin and her family are in Thailand. I can't even begin to think about why we haven't been able to hear from them since the day of the quake. I can't watch the news for fear of seeing one of my school aged cousins sitting alone and scared. Right now I have to assume that they are okay. I have to know that they will contact us soon.
The thing that gets me is that there are so many families that are feeling this and more. So many children adn husbands and sisters already know the fate of their loved ones. So many wives and cousins and friends are walking the streets searching and hoping to find the rest of their families. All just hoping to be able to say goodbye at the least.
I can't stop thinking about the grief that is flowing through the streets right now. The shock that is sweeping through these countries. This is just a tragedy that is so incomprehensible that I have been trying to just not comprehend it. Tonight? I can't stop crying. Tonight? I am warm and with my husband in a home with food and water and a bathroom. Tonight? I can't stop thinking of those who are not as fortunate and who may never be that fortunate again in their lives.
Devestation. My heart is heavy.
I have been feeling so out of place the past few days. On the verge of tears constantly. Anxious to the point were 4am comes and goes without me finding sleep. Little things become huge and I wasn't able to figure out where it was all coming from. Why was I feeling so disconnected? Why am I unable to finish simple tasks? What is this feeling surrounding me?
Then I watched the news again. The tsunami has taken so many lives and doesn't seem to be finished with the wrath it is carrying. The numbers that are growing each day and the stories of loss and the footage of dispair is, oh so much to take. I have been distancing myself from the news and disconnecting with the world because the sadness my heart feels makes me feel like I am going to crumble to the floor.
My cousin and her family are in Thailand. I can't even begin to think about why we haven't been able to hear from them since the day of the quake. I can't watch the news for fear of seeing one of my school aged cousins sitting alone and scared. Right now I have to assume that they are okay. I have to know that they will contact us soon.
The thing that gets me is that there are so many families that are feeling this and more. So many children adn husbands and sisters already know the fate of their loved ones. So many wives and cousins and friends are walking the streets searching and hoping to find the rest of their families. All just hoping to be able to say goodbye at the least.
I can't stop thinking about the grief that is flowing through the streets right now. The shock that is sweeping through these countries. This is just a tragedy that is so incomprehensible that I have been trying to just not comprehend it. Tonight? I can't stop crying. Tonight? I am warm and with my husband in a home with food and water and a bathroom. Tonight? I can't stop thinking of those who are not as fortunate and who may never be that fortunate again in their lives.
Devestation. My heart is heavy.