Saturday.
In the end, I think that indecision is what will kill me. I realized today how much I wanted to commit suicide, how much I don't want to commit suicide, how many people would care if I did, and how many people wouldn't. All in all, I'm back to square one, living my same old humdrum life just like everyone else.
Went to some church near Queens. Sang. Ruined my Saturday because I couldn't do anything. I'd say the best thing about that entire trip was sitting next to Teresa for about 5 minutes because, well, she's kinda like Maureen in a way except a bit less innocent. At least, I think so.
Haircut. Further ruined my Saturday because we were in Queens (yes, I went to St. Anthony's, we went to Queens, drove back to St. Anthony's, parents picked me up, and we drove back to Queens).
Came back home. Had a discussion with my parents and I now know how much I HATE everything. Everything's phony and screwed up. I wish I could just pack my stuff up and leave for some remote place on the other side of the country and live in a cabin, or work at a gas station and pretend to be a deaf-mute and marry a deaf-mute and have deaf-mute babies. It's not that I hate St. A's - I hate everything that I have to conform to. High school is the breeding ground of mindless drones for those intelligent enough to maintain high grades.
Fuck the top 5.
NHS sucks. I have to actually commit to community service for people I don't even give a damn for. Phonies, all of them. Flits too.
Enough of playing Holden. But still, I hate a lot of the stuff I have to do nowadays. The only thing I'm looking forward to now is the Aerosmith-KISS concert, the best news I've had all day. Row 309. Fuck that, but at least I'm watching Aerosmith finally.
....Sometimes, what I think is, you're supposed to leave...
Went to some church near Queens. Sang. Ruined my Saturday because I couldn't do anything. I'd say the best thing about that entire trip was sitting next to Teresa for about 5 minutes because, well, she's kinda like Maureen in a way except a bit less innocent. At least, I think so.
Haircut. Further ruined my Saturday because we were in Queens (yes, I went to St. Anthony's, we went to Queens, drove back to St. Anthony's, parents picked me up, and we drove back to Queens).
Came back home. Had a discussion with my parents and I now know how much I HATE everything. Everything's phony and screwed up. I wish I could just pack my stuff up and leave for some remote place on the other side of the country and live in a cabin, or work at a gas station and pretend to be a deaf-mute and marry a deaf-mute and have deaf-mute babies. It's not that I hate St. A's - I hate everything that I have to conform to. High school is the breeding ground of mindless drones for those intelligent enough to maintain high grades.
Fuck the top 5.
NHS sucks. I have to actually commit to community service for people I don't even give a damn for. Phonies, all of them. Flits too.
Enough of playing Holden. But still, I hate a lot of the stuff I have to do nowadays. The only thing I'm looking forward to now is the Aerosmith-KISS concert, the best news I've had all day. Row 309. Fuck that, but at least I'm watching Aerosmith finally.
....Sometimes, what I think is, you're supposed to leave...