Dear denizens of this here school...
You are not in high school anymore.
I know, I know, this is a huge surprise to you. You grew up in this area, you went to UPHS or PHS or NMHS or possible even the O'Neal School. Maybe you even went to SCHS OR RCHS. Then they gave you a piece of paper that said you'd more or less done what you were supposed to do and now you're in the next stage of things. The problem is, it probably doesn't feel like anything's changed. Your schedule is weird now and you can come and go as you please, but you still get up and go to school and then go home, probably to the same house you've been in all this time. They still give you a report card--though now it's at the end of the semester instead of every six or nine weeks. The cafeteria food is even vaguely similar, and the classrooms look similar, and you're still calling your instructors "Miz So-and-So" or "Mister So-and-So."
But there are some key differences, and I'd like to talk to you about them today.
1) No one is making you come to school. Well, maybe your mama and daddy are hustling you out of bed in the mornings with a cattle prod, but there is no law that says you have to be here. Stop acting like you're doing us a favor when you strut into class ten minutes late. No one gives a good goddamn if you're there or not, and if you're going to be late and annoy the professor and annoy all the people you have to squirm past to get to your seat in the very back, you might as well just not even bother.
2) There are no tardy notes. If the instructor says, "be on time or you'll be counted absent", zie is not kidding. Class starts at 10AM and you show up at 10:02? You're late, and you're getting a zero on that quiz zie told us about yesterday. Suck it up, princess. If you were on campus to begin with, you have no excuse for being late, even if you're coming from the horticultural gardens. If you didn't make it to campus on time, move faster. And don't beat on the door. That's obnoxious. YOU may think you're a special snowflake, but to everyone else you're just cold and wet and fucking up our routine.
3) You know how you could do whatever you wanted in high school and you might get suspended for a week for cussing out your instructor but then you'd be right back in class once you got done with your punishment? Yeah, you can't do that now. If you mouth off to your instructor, they can and will tell you to GTFO. They can tell the whole goddamn class to GTFO if they want. See above about how no one is requiring you to be here, and try to avoid being a fuckbench. Also? It's no one's fault but yours if you do get dropped from a class. Quit whining.
4) Outside of class, please, try to remember you are in the adult world now, and try to avoid doing the following:
a) Blasting your shitty music as loud as you can in the student center. There's already music playing, and if there are four or five of you playing your music, it makes me violent.
b) Posing for MySpace shots in the bathroom. What is this I don't even. You look stupid. Stop that.
c) Shouting across the building at someone. Or across campus. Why would you do this? Why.
d) Talking on your cellphone in the library. Dude, c'mon now. Everyone knows not to do this. And that pretty room just off the library where all the cushy chairs are? STILL THE LIBRARY. Don't talk in there either. Take it outside.
e) Rolling through campus with your windows down blasting something so loud we can hear it in the middle of these lovely cinderblock buildings. No one wants to hear it. I promise. And YOU don't need to listen to it that loudly. I promise, it's just as good about 500 decibels quieter.
f) Having fights with your boyfriend/girlfriend in class. Seriously, this happened Friday. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TALKED TO THAT WHORE." "Whatever, bitch is crazy." Seriously. SERIOUSLY? Just...no. No, no, no, no.
Try following these basic steps, and you too will make it through college.
Sincerely,
cielamara
I know, I know, this is a huge surprise to you. You grew up in this area, you went to UPHS or PHS or NMHS or possible even the O'Neal School. Maybe you even went to SCHS OR RCHS. Then they gave you a piece of paper that said you'd more or less done what you were supposed to do and now you're in the next stage of things. The problem is, it probably doesn't feel like anything's changed. Your schedule is weird now and you can come and go as you please, but you still get up and go to school and then go home, probably to the same house you've been in all this time. They still give you a report card--though now it's at the end of the semester instead of every six or nine weeks. The cafeteria food is even vaguely similar, and the classrooms look similar, and you're still calling your instructors "Miz So-and-So" or "Mister So-and-So."
But there are some key differences, and I'd like to talk to you about them today.
1) No one is making you come to school. Well, maybe your mama and daddy are hustling you out of bed in the mornings with a cattle prod, but there is no law that says you have to be here. Stop acting like you're doing us a favor when you strut into class ten minutes late. No one gives a good goddamn if you're there or not, and if you're going to be late and annoy the professor and annoy all the people you have to squirm past to get to your seat in the very back, you might as well just not even bother.
2) There are no tardy notes. If the instructor says, "be on time or you'll be counted absent", zie is not kidding. Class starts at 10AM and you show up at 10:02? You're late, and you're getting a zero on that quiz zie told us about yesterday. Suck it up, princess. If you were on campus to begin with, you have no excuse for being late, even if you're coming from the horticultural gardens. If you didn't make it to campus on time, move faster. And don't beat on the door. That's obnoxious. YOU may think you're a special snowflake, but to everyone else you're just cold and wet and fucking up our routine.
3) You know how you could do whatever you wanted in high school and you might get suspended for a week for cussing out your instructor but then you'd be right back in class once you got done with your punishment? Yeah, you can't do that now. If you mouth off to your instructor, they can and will tell you to GTFO. They can tell the whole goddamn class to GTFO if they want. See above about how no one is requiring you to be here, and try to avoid being a fuckbench. Also? It's no one's fault but yours if you do get dropped from a class. Quit whining.
4) Outside of class, please, try to remember you are in the adult world now, and try to avoid doing the following:
a) Blasting your shitty music as loud as you can in the student center. There's already music playing, and if there are four or five of you playing your music, it makes me violent.
b) Posing for MySpace shots in the bathroom. What is this I don't even. You look stupid. Stop that.
c) Shouting across the building at someone. Or across campus. Why would you do this? Why.
d) Talking on your cellphone in the library. Dude, c'mon now. Everyone knows not to do this. And that pretty room just off the library where all the cushy chairs are? STILL THE LIBRARY. Don't talk in there either. Take it outside.
e) Rolling through campus with your windows down blasting something so loud we can hear it in the middle of these lovely cinderblock buildings. No one wants to hear it. I promise. And YOU don't need to listen to it that loudly. I promise, it's just as good about 500 decibels quieter.
f) Having fights with your boyfriend/girlfriend in class. Seriously, this happened Friday. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TALKED TO THAT WHORE." "Whatever, bitch is crazy." Seriously. SERIOUSLY? Just...no. No, no, no, no.
Try following these basic steps, and you too will make it through college.
Sincerely,
cielamara