(no subject)
About that time again for an update.
Things have been a lot tougher than I would have liked over the last six months. A lot of that is because I have made life more difficult for myself through the choices I have made. Not really much I can do about that other than make the best of things and get on with stuff. I have done a considerable amount of putting a brave face on things, whilst doing a lot of feeling sorry for myself behind the scenes.
As a result particularly over the last couple of months I have been pretty anti-social, only occasionally doing stuff with friends as I've preferred to hide away.
The main cause of this relates around my job I guess. In terms of what I've done for the last four years I've been working to get qualified through time and experiences for a particular kind of role within the bank. This has been a big investment on my part. I've moved for jobs put some of the things I've wanted to do on hold to concentrate on this.
Over the last six months I have become increasingly more aware that this may have been a mistake. Not a massive one as I do have skills inexperience to show for it which is good. Competition for this job has been fairly intense, and whilst I have interviewed for roles I haven't been successful. As time has worn on I have become increasingly more frustrated, particularly related to perceived unfair advantages that others have. What I mean about this is that in the commercial team where I am based there has been a trainee from one of the graduate schemes that is interested in the same kind of work. They have been in place for about 18 months, and I have privately been concerned that should a vacancy open up they would be parachuted into it without it being open to a competitive interview process.
So because of this and generally having a sensation of life passing me by I have been generally feeling worse and worse as I've stewed over things. I've become increasingly angry about stuff, certainly more surly and generally really loathed going to work. Small things that don't work have "set me off" as it were, with me often making mountains out of mole hills, and generally whinging about everything under the sun.
The situation has come to a head in the last couple of weeks as there has been a re-think on what the bank is doing, with changes being brought forward, and there is a new round of redundancies being offered. This hasn't personally affected me other than it meaning a reduction in the number of the type of job I wanted. Also thinking about the longer term I suspect that this role is only going to exist for another 18 months before it is phased out altogether.
So it has taken some time to make peace with that realisation and also not be despondent over the time I have spent chasing what seems to have been a bit of a pipe dream. Dealing with the "what do I do next?" has been difficult. I've drifted through the realisation of all this for the last couple of weeks and struggled there with that. It has rung around my mind and there has been no obvious answer. So in the last week I have grabbed the situation by the scruff of the neck. This has been helped by cutting out of my life an individual who has been making things more difficult for me, the irony here being that what has been done by them hasn't been malicious, best intentions and all that. They are so bound up with their own issues they can't help lashing out and making everything else worse for everyone around them. So they're on an ignore list up until I've progressed to the point where I have the strength to deal with them.
As a result of this for a couple of weeks I have felt better about things and certainly less apathetic. This has spurred me on and to start being practical about something’s. So I've had a sit down with my manager and pretty much defined exactly where I am, thought a bit more about what I want and gone from there. The result of this is that I've indicated some courses that I am interested in doing and thought about what types of roles I want to do next. In terms of good timing a secondment that I am interested in has recently opened up. So I am going to put in for that.
My line manager is keen on me applying for this so I take that as a good sign that I'm not having a go at something I'm not capable of pulling off. Anyway the result of all this is that I've been feeling reasonably positive about all of this for the last few days, which has been a really nice sensation.
Other stuff that I have gotten up to, I spent a week in Edinburgh with work, which was a nice break. This came at the height of my troubles so it was good to have a busman’s holiday and forget about everything for a week. The real highlight of this was spending an evening midweek in the company of Tom and his wife Allie. I haven't seen him for ages so it was really nice to reminisce and generally chew things over, particularly with work as we have the same employer.
In an effort to broaden my horizons I've also joined the book group that has just formed via the local library. We've had two sessions so far with last weekend being the first one where we have properly discussed the book. The one element of it all I've enjoyed is it making me feel smarter than I possibly am. There have been a couple of things I raised which seemed to make people really excited when they have then gone on to think about the book in that context. Radom moment was one of the members of the group exhibiting some slightly anti Semitic thoughts, which you could see a few people grimace over. It makes more sense in the context of the book having a strong Jewish theme running through it. Will be interesting to see how that develops.
I've really enjoyed the world cup. The rugby on the whole has been exciting to watch. It’s nice to have been able to get behind a welsh team that has been professional, and not choked in the pool stage. By that as an observation, the modern game has been professional now for 16-17years, the current crop of players are the product of the academies that have been put in place with the regional teams. For the first time I think that we have an international side formed of players that are professionals. There is more pride about them in the job that they are doing. It has showed in the way that they have played and it’s been a joy to watch and support them.
Notwithstanding issues with offences in the French game, which in itself was a good essay in how to react when something goes wrong, the only point to be critical over is the kicking element. Of all the games lost, each one by a few points or less, the result could have gone the other way had we kicked our penalties or conversions. I noticed that some other teams had struggled the same way, but I don't think it’s down to the ball the tournament was using. So the analysis of this is if we want to compete with the big boys we need to be scoring those points.
So with the six nations on the horizon, the level of expectation of a nation is only going to rise. To my mind a grand slam is a possibility. The home fixture against Australia in December will be an interesting game and an opportunity to test that theory out.
In other rugby related news my sister has been called up to the Ladies international team. Really pleased for her with that. Her fitness and form have really improved over the last year so it’s nice that there has been a reward for that.
Maelstrom has continued to be excellent this year. I'm sad that it is coming to an end, the progression on some things has taken so long that you haven't really gotten to the top of the tech trees. Kind of unsure how things are going to progress, over the course of the next year. The goal for me is to keep my character alive. I'm still playing an event one character so I'd quite like to have played the whole game with the same character. That is likely to be harder than first thought as I think next year is probably going to be kill crazy. There's the meta game element of knowing that the game is coming to an end so there are few consequences to be raised once it’s all gone a bit mental. Still should prove to be good, knowing that there are no consequences. There are a couple of things still to be achieved which I think we'll run out of time on, but that can't be helped
Things have been a lot tougher than I would have liked over the last six months. A lot of that is because I have made life more difficult for myself through the choices I have made. Not really much I can do about that other than make the best of things and get on with stuff. I have done a considerable amount of putting a brave face on things, whilst doing a lot of feeling sorry for myself behind the scenes.
As a result particularly over the last couple of months I have been pretty anti-social, only occasionally doing stuff with friends as I've preferred to hide away.
The main cause of this relates around my job I guess. In terms of what I've done for the last four years I've been working to get qualified through time and experiences for a particular kind of role within the bank. This has been a big investment on my part. I've moved for jobs put some of the things I've wanted to do on hold to concentrate on this.
Over the last six months I have become increasingly more aware that this may have been a mistake. Not a massive one as I do have skills inexperience to show for it which is good. Competition for this job has been fairly intense, and whilst I have interviewed for roles I haven't been successful. As time has worn on I have become increasingly more frustrated, particularly related to perceived unfair advantages that others have. What I mean about this is that in the commercial team where I am based there has been a trainee from one of the graduate schemes that is interested in the same kind of work. They have been in place for about 18 months, and I have privately been concerned that should a vacancy open up they would be parachuted into it without it being open to a competitive interview process.
So because of this and generally having a sensation of life passing me by I have been generally feeling worse and worse as I've stewed over things. I've become increasingly angry about stuff, certainly more surly and generally really loathed going to work. Small things that don't work have "set me off" as it were, with me often making mountains out of mole hills, and generally whinging about everything under the sun.
The situation has come to a head in the last couple of weeks as there has been a re-think on what the bank is doing, with changes being brought forward, and there is a new round of redundancies being offered. This hasn't personally affected me other than it meaning a reduction in the number of the type of job I wanted. Also thinking about the longer term I suspect that this role is only going to exist for another 18 months before it is phased out altogether.
So it has taken some time to make peace with that realisation and also not be despondent over the time I have spent chasing what seems to have been a bit of a pipe dream. Dealing with the "what do I do next?" has been difficult. I've drifted through the realisation of all this for the last couple of weeks and struggled there with that. It has rung around my mind and there has been no obvious answer. So in the last week I have grabbed the situation by the scruff of the neck. This has been helped by cutting out of my life an individual who has been making things more difficult for me, the irony here being that what has been done by them hasn't been malicious, best intentions and all that. They are so bound up with their own issues they can't help lashing out and making everything else worse for everyone around them. So they're on an ignore list up until I've progressed to the point where I have the strength to deal with them.
As a result of this for a couple of weeks I have felt better about things and certainly less apathetic. This has spurred me on and to start being practical about something’s. So I've had a sit down with my manager and pretty much defined exactly where I am, thought a bit more about what I want and gone from there. The result of this is that I've indicated some courses that I am interested in doing and thought about what types of roles I want to do next. In terms of good timing a secondment that I am interested in has recently opened up. So I am going to put in for that.
My line manager is keen on me applying for this so I take that as a good sign that I'm not having a go at something I'm not capable of pulling off. Anyway the result of all this is that I've been feeling reasonably positive about all of this for the last few days, which has been a really nice sensation.
Other stuff that I have gotten up to, I spent a week in Edinburgh with work, which was a nice break. This came at the height of my troubles so it was good to have a busman’s holiday and forget about everything for a week. The real highlight of this was spending an evening midweek in the company of Tom and his wife Allie. I haven't seen him for ages so it was really nice to reminisce and generally chew things over, particularly with work as we have the same employer.
In an effort to broaden my horizons I've also joined the book group that has just formed via the local library. We've had two sessions so far with last weekend being the first one where we have properly discussed the book. The one element of it all I've enjoyed is it making me feel smarter than I possibly am. There have been a couple of things I raised which seemed to make people really excited when they have then gone on to think about the book in that context. Radom moment was one of the members of the group exhibiting some slightly anti Semitic thoughts, which you could see a few people grimace over. It makes more sense in the context of the book having a strong Jewish theme running through it. Will be interesting to see how that develops.
I've really enjoyed the world cup. The rugby on the whole has been exciting to watch. It’s nice to have been able to get behind a welsh team that has been professional, and not choked in the pool stage. By that as an observation, the modern game has been professional now for 16-17years, the current crop of players are the product of the academies that have been put in place with the regional teams. For the first time I think that we have an international side formed of players that are professionals. There is more pride about them in the job that they are doing. It has showed in the way that they have played and it’s been a joy to watch and support them.
Notwithstanding issues with offences in the French game, which in itself was a good essay in how to react when something goes wrong, the only point to be critical over is the kicking element. Of all the games lost, each one by a few points or less, the result could have gone the other way had we kicked our penalties or conversions. I noticed that some other teams had struggled the same way, but I don't think it’s down to the ball the tournament was using. So the analysis of this is if we want to compete with the big boys we need to be scoring those points.
So with the six nations on the horizon, the level of expectation of a nation is only going to rise. To my mind a grand slam is a possibility. The home fixture against Australia in December will be an interesting game and an opportunity to test that theory out.
In other rugby related news my sister has been called up to the Ladies international team. Really pleased for her with that. Her fitness and form have really improved over the last year so it’s nice that there has been a reward for that.
Maelstrom has continued to be excellent this year. I'm sad that it is coming to an end, the progression on some things has taken so long that you haven't really gotten to the top of the tech trees. Kind of unsure how things are going to progress, over the course of the next year. The goal for me is to keep my character alive. I'm still playing an event one character so I'd quite like to have played the whole game with the same character. That is likely to be harder than first thought as I think next year is probably going to be kill crazy. There's the meta game element of knowing that the game is coming to an end so there are few consequences to be raised once it’s all gone a bit mental. Still should prove to be good, knowing that there are no consequences. There are a couple of things still to be achieved which I think we'll run out of time on, but that can't be helped