confused
I'm so confused as to what I should do. I don't know if I should stay here at SNHU or not. It's really a big decision that will affect a lot. I just really don't want to be that loser who quits school. I had a really good long talk with my mom the other night and it just made me want to stay a little bit. I mean seriously what am I going to do with the rest of my life if i don't go to school? Seriously. But then again I hate doing it and I'm not even putting my best effort into school, and the rate that I am going i am gonna be in school forever if i don't smarten up or something. I don't have as many credits as i probably should. But just the thought of like, being out of school and not having all the stress of papers here and there and going to class and doing all these things i hate, is great.
After last night, I just love being here, the college life is just amazing to me. I'm one of those people I guess that just does NOT want to give up the partying. I mean i'm sure people say well who wouldn't want to give up the partying and fun and stuff. But, it's not like that, like I seriously can't give it up. I love it so much. It's way too much fun and I'm still young and I still feel the need to fuck off and be irresponsible sometimes. Maybe it's an easy way for me to cope with the fact that i'm growing up and i don't want to at all. I mean, you only live once why not live the way you want to. Whether you mess up or not, whether you party or not, whether you go to school or not. I just want to have my fun, I'm not ready to give it up yet.
Then I think about it and think of how much i'm screwing up because of all the partying and shit. I don't really do my hw and shit, and if i do i bullshit a five page paper at the last minute and it's not my best work. I pay thousands of dollars basically to party. It's kind of ridiculous when I could just party elsewhere and stuff. I guess I can still come back and do it. But shouldnt i really get a degree? These are the questions i'm trying to answer for myself and I don't feel like I am getting anywhere with it. It sucks. I canNOT make up my mind and I hate that so much. I go back and forth with pros and cons of reasons why I should stay here or not. It's just so complicated and I need to make up my mind real soon because December is not far away at all and I don't wanna regret quitting and I also don't wanna waste money and then regret staying. It's just such a shitty thing to decide and I'm stressing over it so much. Not to mention i have lots of other downers and stressers that i have to think about now too. AHH i just don't know what to dooooooo.
On that note, I'm outta here ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>