long time
Wow, it's been a long time since i've written in here. I dont even feel like i'm in the mood right now. There has been so much that's gone on since i've actually written in here. I dont even know what i wrote last time. Hm let's see. Today's a blah day, it's the day after thanksgiving, i got like 12 hours of sleep! Well, technically i didnt because i woke up in the middle of the night to a bad dream, crying. It kinda sucked. So i slept on and off and that's probably why i was in bed until noon time. Anyways, i've been thinking a lot about how much it sucks that guys can bring you down so easily and they dont even give a shit about it. Honestly. Most of them could probably care less about how much they hurt you. Or sometimes they just dont pay enough attention that they dont even notice that they hurt you. I swear, for some reason i have the worst luck with guys. I thought this was going really well. Or i'm not sure what i thought was going on. I guess i was a little bit distant because i wasnt really used to a guy treating me like the way Ryan did. Notice i say DID. I mean it just seemed too good to be true. But people say, yea guys are like that in the beginning but they dont always stay like that. But it's happening too soon. I think he's hiding something from me. And i have asked him numerous times. And he lies to me and tells me he's doing one thing when he really does another. And i'm the idiot who keeps hanging around it. Why am i staying if i'm hurting? I keep telling myself that i'm getting out of it. But something is obviously keeping me around. But i'm clearly an idiot for it. Everyone tells me to forget about him because he seems to make me more unhappy than happy. Which really i think is true. We argue 90% of the time. And we dont spend any time together really. Except for sleeping, and we really are sleeping. I just wish i could give myself the huge kick in the ASS and tell him to go screw. God i'm such an idiot. So, other than that, other things could be better. It's hard because the people i really need are drifting away. Except for my family. They are there for me, but it's not the same when you need a friends opinion opposed to your family's opinion on certain things. Blah, i only seem to write in this thing when something is wrong. Well, one thing is good anyways, i was really worried about moving in w/my brother and sister-in-law and my 3 year old neice. But things have been actually really good. But it's also probably because i'm hardly ever here. I used to be at Ryans all the time. Between work and ryans. And now it's work and School and sometimes Ryans which i'm totally trying to get out of the habit of wandering over there on random nights after drinking and i'm too much of an idiot to say no to go there. Anyways, so i work 10-7. And my brother works 4am-noon. And i go to school now 2 nights a week 8-11. So him and Lish and Rhiannon are already sleeping by the time i get home. And sometimes on my nights off from school i dont always come right home after work. I'll go see asshole or someone else or go visit my mom. And Lish is due for a baby in January. I wish i could be around to help her more, but it's hard. And Rhiannon doesnt get to see me much and when i leave sometimes she'll cling to my leg and sit on the floor and say "Auntie, please dont leave" It's cute. Anyways, there's just so much other stuff going on that i dont feel like getting into because it's kinda blah and depressing and i dont think anyone should have to read anymore blah stuff. I should write when i'm having a fantabulous day. Which isnt today, but anways. What can ya do? Well, i'm going to Milford, dick head hasnt called me probably because he is screwing some other bitch or lying about one thing or out snapping his camera phone at chicks chests. Yea i know he's a real fucking winner huh? What a piece of shit. I'm a loser for even staying around. Damn i need to get away from him. AHHHHHH :(