questions without answers
so im tired my moms sick and ive had a good day. i went to walmart and the 99cent store with josh and liz. it was fun. got these amazing rainbow color shorts, theyre really short. they amuse me. we laughed a lot. but on the way home i just got worn out. i still have a couple of things to do for homework. imma start that at 7. im listening to as i lay dying. yay.
so im kind of emotional today. why? life is good. yes i have been worried to death about not graduating high school, africa, and life itself, but He told us not to worry. its kinda ironic how He's not the one i want to comfort me but He is the one i need to comfort me. i want other people to comfort me, when really, all i need is Him. it sucks when you find yourself looking for a close friend to be there for you but they arent. yet He is always there. im tired and i dont know why. im not happy but i have joy. i dont know what to expect in Africa. in 5 days i leave. everything.
none of this will be the same. everything will change. when i get back i dont know who will still be here in my life. who will leave and walk out of it or who will stay or even who will come into my life. i need this time in Africa, its something im beginning to see clearer each and every day. i need to see these kids. i need to be broken to nothing. i need to get plowed over by God and crushed to nothing so i realize that He is all i need. you can see it all you want, you can feel it all you want, but until you go and experience it, you dont know jack. you can say "oh those poor kids" and sit on your butt at home and cry about your "issues" we all do. we always look at the news and have our hearts pricked but the next day we freak out about our little pety problems. so what a boy doesnt like you. so what you havent found "the one" yet. He knows whose right for you, have some faith. im sick and tired of how blind we are as Americans. how selfish we are. we keep focusing on our problems and how bad it is for us cause oh he hurt me blah blah blah GET OVER IT. alkwthlkht do you know that 80% of the world sleeps on a straw mat. what do you sleep on? we are emotionalists. we love getting emotional. we love getting that high. we love a good cry. yet we do nothing. "faith without works is dead." you can say these kids need help but if you do nothing, you are nothing. there are ways you can help. there are missioanaries that need your money so they can make a difference in these kids lives. there are a lot of people that are willing to go over there and help and they just need money. even if youre not wanting to go, they need your help. you can help those kids by helping those who want to go, to go.
im not amazing. get that out of your heads. dont look at me like im Jesus or something. im not. im sick of being idolized. im not that great kids. i dont even know if im going to pass high school. i have 69% in honors economics, a 70% in english and a 79% in physics. i am a terrible student. i dont apply myself. but i know my grades dont define me and i know i need to try in school and stop being a poor steward. i have my problems, my fears, my worries, everything. i need to learn how to trust Him more. i need to have more faith in Him. "for we walk by faith and not by sight."
i want good friends but it all starts from my relationship with Him. if i want a good friend, i must be a good friend and when they mess up and hurt me or something i have to love them and build them up. build people on their strengths and not their weaknesses. tell them what you see inside of them, help them see their potential. you wanna know what makes me amazing? God. He's taught me so much on how to be a friend and ive started applying it. im not mad, irritated or frustrated with anyone. it might seem like i am but really its two things: 1. im tired and freaking out 2. i want you to know you can do anything you put your heart to and it comes off in a irritated, im mad at you kind of way.
5 days and im gone. 5 days left to talk to me. 5 days left to hear my voice. if you want to talk call me, text me, aim me, myspace message me or something. ill be gone and i know i wont be able to get online that much while im in africa. dont expect me to send you a message everyday, cause i have no idea what ill be doing each day. ill try to post livejournals everyday, if i can.
thank you becca. that meant soooo much :)
end.
so im kind of emotional today. why? life is good. yes i have been worried to death about not graduating high school, africa, and life itself, but He told us not to worry. its kinda ironic how He's not the one i want to comfort me but He is the one i need to comfort me. i want other people to comfort me, when really, all i need is Him. it sucks when you find yourself looking for a close friend to be there for you but they arent. yet He is always there. im tired and i dont know why. im not happy but i have joy. i dont know what to expect in Africa. in 5 days i leave. everything.
none of this will be the same. everything will change. when i get back i dont know who will still be here in my life. who will leave and walk out of it or who will stay or even who will come into my life. i need this time in Africa, its something im beginning to see clearer each and every day. i need to see these kids. i need to be broken to nothing. i need to get plowed over by God and crushed to nothing so i realize that He is all i need. you can see it all you want, you can feel it all you want, but until you go and experience it, you dont know jack. you can say "oh those poor kids" and sit on your butt at home and cry about your "issues" we all do. we always look at the news and have our hearts pricked but the next day we freak out about our little pety problems. so what a boy doesnt like you. so what you havent found "the one" yet. He knows whose right for you, have some faith. im sick and tired of how blind we are as Americans. how selfish we are. we keep focusing on our problems and how bad it is for us cause oh he hurt me blah blah blah GET OVER IT. alkwthlkht do you know that 80% of the world sleeps on a straw mat. what do you sleep on? we are emotionalists. we love getting emotional. we love getting that high. we love a good cry. yet we do nothing. "faith without works is dead." you can say these kids need help but if you do nothing, you are nothing. there are ways you can help. there are missioanaries that need your money so they can make a difference in these kids lives. there are a lot of people that are willing to go over there and help and they just need money. even if youre not wanting to go, they need your help. you can help those kids by helping those who want to go, to go.
im not amazing. get that out of your heads. dont look at me like im Jesus or something. im not. im sick of being idolized. im not that great kids. i dont even know if im going to pass high school. i have 69% in honors economics, a 70% in english and a 79% in physics. i am a terrible student. i dont apply myself. but i know my grades dont define me and i know i need to try in school and stop being a poor steward. i have my problems, my fears, my worries, everything. i need to learn how to trust Him more. i need to have more faith in Him. "for we walk by faith and not by sight."
i want good friends but it all starts from my relationship with Him. if i want a good friend, i must be a good friend and when they mess up and hurt me or something i have to love them and build them up. build people on their strengths and not their weaknesses. tell them what you see inside of them, help them see their potential. you wanna know what makes me amazing? God. He's taught me so much on how to be a friend and ive started applying it. im not mad, irritated or frustrated with anyone. it might seem like i am but really its two things: 1. im tired and freaking out 2. i want you to know you can do anything you put your heart to and it comes off in a irritated, im mad at you kind of way.
5 days and im gone. 5 days left to talk to me. 5 days left to hear my voice. if you want to talk call me, text me, aim me, myspace message me or something. ill be gone and i know i wont be able to get online that much while im in africa. dont expect me to send you a message everyday, cause i have no idea what ill be doing each day. ill try to post livejournals everyday, if i can.
thank you becca. that meant soooo much :)
end.