(no subject)
So I haven't updated in a long time. A really long time. So...here is a very brief description of things that have happened...leaving a lot out.
Over the past semester I have at least 4 mental break downs to the point where if someone had a timer that went off every 60 seconds, that would mark me being in a new mood that day. It wouldn't be random, there was a cycle. Complete and utter bliss, followed by wanting to cry my eyes out, followed by wanting to grab a computer and throw it across the room because of rage, followed by not really caring about anything at all, and ending with being really giggly. Then there is the weekly anxiety attacks and the weekly night of no sleep because of insomnia. I am graduating next semester with a degree I don't really want and I a really don't think I could swing another major and stay another year. So trying to avoid the field my major is in I took the LSAT, bombed it, and the GRE, and didn't do too well (I rocked the math section despite not taking a math course since 2004). About a month ago I fucked a girl that one of my best friends dated for 3 years and broke up with only 2 months prior. Every group of friends I have is splintering into other groups. One friend has a serious drinking problem, multiple have serious drug problems and I am too pussy to say something. I really wish that I didn't dwell on the bad, but I do. I do because I feel powerless to do anything about. What am I so afraid of? Failure? Well, doing nothing is working out just fucking great. I don't really know where this is leading. When I get back to school I think I am going to see a psychologist that is offered on campus. Though every time I say that I put it off, so that's probably not going to happen. I don't need someone to talk to, I need someone who can help me fix whatever is wrong in my brain. Not with drugs, but with, I don't know, exercises. I really don't know. My life is not that bad. Things aren't that bad. What the hell is wrong with me?
Over the past semester I have at least 4 mental break downs to the point where if someone had a timer that went off every 60 seconds, that would mark me being in a new mood that day. It wouldn't be random, there was a cycle. Complete and utter bliss, followed by wanting to cry my eyes out, followed by wanting to grab a computer and throw it across the room because of rage, followed by not really caring about anything at all, and ending with being really giggly. Then there is the weekly anxiety attacks and the weekly night of no sleep because of insomnia. I am graduating next semester with a degree I don't really want and I a really don't think I could swing another major and stay another year. So trying to avoid the field my major is in I took the LSAT, bombed it, and the GRE, and didn't do too well (I rocked the math section despite not taking a math course since 2004). About a month ago I fucked a girl that one of my best friends dated for 3 years and broke up with only 2 months prior. Every group of friends I have is splintering into other groups. One friend has a serious drinking problem, multiple have serious drug problems and I am too pussy to say something. I really wish that I didn't dwell on the bad, but I do. I do because I feel powerless to do anything about. What am I so afraid of? Failure? Well, doing nothing is working out just fucking great. I don't really know where this is leading. When I get back to school I think I am going to see a psychologist that is offered on campus. Though every time I say that I put it off, so that's probably not going to happen. I don't need someone to talk to, I need someone who can help me fix whatever is wrong in my brain. Not with drugs, but with, I don't know, exercises. I really don't know. My life is not that bad. Things aren't that bad. What the hell is wrong with me?