unfocused...
for ten years i knew exactly what i wanted: i was going to be a teacher...yes i veered off that path when i decided for some unGodly reason to be a nurse but i got back on track pretty quickly (and now i know all the bones and muscles in the body which i'm sure will come in handy one day!)...but now i'm unfocused. For those who don't know I'm not teaching anymore a.) because i did a practicum last semester and realized i really didn't like high school kids and b.) the second college i've been too got rid of the history teacher certification major as well.
So now i have to figure out what to do. Here's what i want: to get my hands dirty...i don't want to sit behind a desk everyday pushing papers i want to see a difference in what i do, to stay in the history field...its the only thing besides social issues that i'm passionate about, to be known in my field...i don't want fame or fortune i wouldn't have chosen history if that was the case but i do want to be respected in whatever i do...
It feels like everyone around me knows what they're doing and i'm kinda just coasting along not really being challenged at anything...even my job isn't stressful! everyone says how lucky i am to have it easy this semester and i don't want to sound crazy but i'd rather have a challenge...
This year is supposed to be my year of action yet i feel like i'm in limbo...last year was my year of falling apart...i'm supposed to be putting myself back together this year...i think if i got a career in mind then that would help me put the rest together again...plus i only have really a year left before i graduate so i either have to find a job or apply to grad school...so much pressure!
i'm starting church again this week hoping i can find my zen there...i used to be able to...plus i was talking to some people who do mission work at my church...it seems really awesome i just don't htink i'm in the position right now to lead people...how do i lead if i don't even know where i'm going? lol
plus i've been feeling fat lately lol...back to the gym again...
i just wish i knew what would make me happy...
So now i have to figure out what to do. Here's what i want: to get my hands dirty...i don't want to sit behind a desk everyday pushing papers i want to see a difference in what i do, to stay in the history field...its the only thing besides social issues that i'm passionate about, to be known in my field...i don't want fame or fortune i wouldn't have chosen history if that was the case but i do want to be respected in whatever i do...
It feels like everyone around me knows what they're doing and i'm kinda just coasting along not really being challenged at anything...even my job isn't stressful! everyone says how lucky i am to have it easy this semester and i don't want to sound crazy but i'd rather have a challenge...
This year is supposed to be my year of action yet i feel like i'm in limbo...last year was my year of falling apart...i'm supposed to be putting myself back together this year...i think if i got a career in mind then that would help me put the rest together again...plus i only have really a year left before i graduate so i either have to find a job or apply to grad school...so much pressure!
i'm starting church again this week hoping i can find my zen there...i used to be able to...plus i was talking to some people who do mission work at my church...it seems really awesome i just don't htink i'm in the position right now to lead people...how do i lead if i don't even know where i'm going? lol
plus i've been feeling fat lately lol...back to the gym again...
i just wish i knew what would make me happy...